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LiquidGeneration Newsletter
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Sometimes a single round of braces is simply not enough.
-- Slippy Jenkins
Dear Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner,
Hi, Bennifer! I’m SlippyJenkins and I’m the sou chef over at a little website called LiquidGeneration. You might of heard of us because you’re reading this letter. Anywho, let me be the first to congratulate you on your forthcoming nuptials. Marriage is a wonderful institution and I’m sure you’ll both doit well.
Oh whom the hell am I kidding? This is about as big a mistake as the birth of Andy Dick.
Ms. Garner, you’re about to marry the most fickle person on the Hollywood dating scene. First Ben Affleck broke Matt Damon’s heart by not having sex with him on the night they won that Oscar, then he broke J.Lo’s heart when he told her one night, "Baby, you and I don’t have a lot of chemistryWhy don’t we break up and you marry someone who is an even bigger douchebag than I am?" Who knows how many celebrity hearts he’s broken.
But it’s that first relationship we all remember: Matt and Ben. Never in the history of celebrity-on-celebritylove has there been a bond so strong. Matt and Ben grew up together in Boston. At first they were just a couple of friends on the little league team, but once they reached college Ben started drinking, and when Ben starts drinking, Ben starts acting pretty gay (like many perfectly-straightmen do when they’ve drank a case of beer and there are no strip clubs in sight I love you, man!!!). By the time they reached Hollywood, they frequently went on man-dates, and Matt was the one who paid because Ben doesn’t know how to count.
Nobody really knows if Matt and Ben’s relationship progressed to a sexuallevel, but sometimes when you see the both of them on television, in movies, looking at each other, patting each other on the back on some Red Carpet, holding their Oscar together in harmony...you can’t help but see what true love is and that Matt and Ben should really get back together.
Love,
Slippy Jenkins
Gated Community/Travel Slut
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GOOGLE’S SIGHTSEEING TOUR OF THE STARS:
Google’s Sightseeing Tour of the Stars, a bird’s eye view of all the glitz and glamour in Hollywood powered by Google Maps™!
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WHOOSE NIPSLIP 2:
Everyone’s favorite nipple game is back with a vengeance! We show you the nip slip, you tell us who that nip slip belongs to!
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REEL OF FORTUNE: BASEBALL MOVIES:
These movies have something to do with baseball, America’s most boring pastime.
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NEWS: THE NEW POPE IS HILARIOUS:
This week a hilarious new Pope has entered our lives, Paula Abdul is a drug addict, and Bennifer is back!
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WHO’D YOU RATHER?: OKAYAMIGO AMATEURS:
Our dating website is filled to the brim with Folgers Coffee. See for yourself!
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WHO’D YOU RATHER POP CULTURE EDITION: PLAY BALL! :
There’s nothing like going to a baseball game, drinking yourself into oblivion, and then running across the field naked and waving "Hey Mom!"
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WHOOSE BOOBS: BASEBALL BOOBS:
Baseball Boobs are all stitched up. Weird.
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CLASSIC: BOLLYWOOD DISCO DANCE VIDEO:
Because dancing like an idiot is fun!
Finally...
THE LETTER OF THE WEEK!
Slippy,
What is your favorite color?
My favorite color is none of your business. My favorite color is a punch in your stupid face for asking me such a stupid question. My favorite color is that you have nothing interesting to ask me than what is my favorite color and therefore you are a stupid poo poo head.
slippy@liquidgeneration.com
Editor-at-xtra-large/Absentee Manager
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