Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: " OK." Tech Support: "Did you get a popup menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "OK. Right click again. Do you see a popup menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." -------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Tech Support: "Did you install the update?" Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" -------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done." Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk." Customer: "What?" Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer: "No..." -------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?" Tech Support: ?!%#$=20 -------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "OK, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" -------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?" Customer: "A white one." -------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt." Customer: "How do you spell that?" -------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?" Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service) Tech Support: "Well then we can't-" Customer: "It says 'no dial tone'." Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now. You need to-" Customer: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try a few times, and it will let me through." Tech Support: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me." Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later." ---------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?" Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store." -------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?" Customer:" Pentium." -------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion." -------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder." -------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?" -------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." Customer: "Is that Eastern time?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?" Customer: "It says, 'Hit 'ENTER' when ready'." Tech Support: "Well?" Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"