as i reached my home..as usual mom was waiting for me at lunch.. i was feeling tired,haven't eaten anything since morning.didn't felt like eating. sat next to mom and said "muma khanu nai man chiana."(mom dont wanna eat) she yelled at meh;"k bahncha ..bihana pani khayeko chaina kaha nakahe!!khau ma pani kahnchu." well that makes mom also hungry since morning...for her sake had to eat something.. haas alikati matrai paskisyo hai?.(put only small amount) after having my lunch went upstair in my room,reached inside my pocket and pulled out slightely ceased envelop. i was curious to see what was inside that letter. few lines was written on it; "IT'S HARD TO TOLERATE THE PAIN ANYMORE.I CAN'T STAY WITHOUT SAYING THAT I LOVE U" " well i knew something like that was in that letter.i just wanted was to be sure by looking through my own eyes. he was good guy,decent person,dont know much abt him..since he rarely talked with me.i wasn't prepare to accept the relation at that time..carrier was everything for me.i badly wanted to be something on my own...for that i am sure i didn't wanted any kind of distraction on my way.i didn't knew what should i answer if he was not my friend i would have ignored him like i did to other guys..but he was my friend ...he use to understand me.didn't use talk much but i knew he was always helping me in small ways which i had to notice sometimes even if i tried to unnotice it. every practicle class he was beside me.i noticed him looking at my image in window and whenever i looked at window he use to pretend like fixing his hair.it was ackward so i never looked at window again..use to give me notes when i was absent for class. he was kind of quite guy..sometime i wonder if something was bothering him from inside...but never tried to talk about it . strange! till day before he gave me that letter he was just a paras for me.now today why was i thinking about him so much.why everything he did feel like something special to me?i never really cared wether he was fixing his hair or looking at me,but after i read that letter feels like everything he did was for me. *********************************************************************************** next day i went to my friends house.my best friend...i took that letter. ujwala,paras proposed meh..i said with sad face. ujwala shouted ; god!congrats..he is such a sweet guy..i wish he had fallen for me. i looked her with anger and said k bhancha!(what are u sayin) and i teased her,man parcha bhanee bhandeu ma?!(tell me if u like i am gonna help u out)k thaha tero secret admirer po ho ki(who knows might be ur secret admirer). ujwala;nakara(shut up)..merai deepesh nai thik cha malai suhaunee.(deepesh is perfect for me)with kinky smile she replied. sachai bhanna na ma k bhanu?(seriously, com on tell me what should i do) well i was planning to go abroad..not still decided what was i suppose to study.i was planning to study mba in australia. .or do mbbs ani how can i accept his proposal?! ujwala ;do u love him? love aree!!i dont know what is love u dummy.talai nai tahha hola ni ta experience bhako manche(u should know abt it..u are expericed in this matter) ujwala;khoi malai kehi nasodh...ta afai j j bhannu cha usko agadi ayepachi afai taha huncha(dont ask me anything,i cant help u in this matter,dont worry u can manage it) well was all confused whole day..next day was farewell party thrown to us from juniour student.my friends were excited abt dress they were gonna wear well i was busy thinking about reply.i dont know what really love was.i dont know why was i taking that letter so seriously why can't i ignore as i used to in past.whats wrong with me..gezzz that was so distracting. next day came...i was awake till late night..i was worried about what should i wear at party.formal dress was compulsory ..and meh dumb gal dont know how to walk on sari..i tried different coloured sari but at the end i stuck on my favourite blue one. ******************************************************************************************** ******************************************************************************************** next morning,my 4 friends came to my house..mom was helping me with my sari . i was hidding from them ujwala;oye bhayeena bhaneko(aren't u ready yet?) i shouted ..no not yet ..dont come inside i am not ready.. god it took meh around 45-65 min to wear that sari and walk in my own room. ..i was feeling shy to go all the way to campus with that sari i was not sure how was i suppose to walk but strange thing is i managed all the way to my college.. everyone were looking faboulous..i was scared of meeting him..i was holding sari with my one hand and ujwala with my other one.she knew i was nervous. as we entered the hall. light entered us with spectacular display of defaint colours before it reluctantly beat a retreat. i was looking down ,feeling shy to face everyone ..as i passed along the hallway. hello ruina" familiar voice was heared from somewhere behind me.i turned around slowly until i faced him .. hei !i said with my nervous voice.he got up from one of the few chairs that had been placed in hall and gave me shy half smile. "can i talk with u for a while "he said. ujwala looked at meh,i was all nervous..i looked her with scared eyes..and replied soflty"ya sure why not!" ujwala said ...ma ekchin deepesh lai khojchu hai(i'll search deepesh).and she went away. i was feeling ackward...no words came into my mind. "u are looking gorgeous" i smiled and said thank u. he gazed into my eyes and i could feel my heart pumping..i was speechless(never been like this before) ruina? hmm said ackwardly with my nervous face. soo?? he reached out with his right hand and fixed my blowing hair and looked shyly... what's ur answer.... i was all confused,wracked with insecurity,nervous,scared..... i said in very softly voice.....i am sorry paras. simplicity of that answer contrasted with cascade of emotion that ran through his face in that single moment from passion to dissapointment,sadness,distatful. looking at him i felt so cruel..god i felt like worst person ever.but i had to do what i had to do he smiled sadly and walked out of hall .i was left alone standing in the hall feeling bad at what i did .. that was worst farewell i ever had.after that we were like unknown,unseen..i sat on hall trying to look as happy as i could,ujwala knew what i did..she came by my side and said.. hey i knew u would do that.what u did was good.. she might be being good to meh..but i felt what i did was bad. after few months i had to leave for my further studies...i got letter from him. it was like before, few words; "I AM GONNA MISS U" the end;) ani yasto bhayeecha reh hahahha.kathaaaaaaaaaa sakiyo;) pheeewww!!