Dear Nepali Friends and Family, I bought $5.00 phone card from Himtel to talk to my Family in XYZ, a city in eastern part of Nepal (Terai Region). I can not complaint about phone card. It was clear and smooth and got connection in just one attempt. Mom answered the phone with "Hello". I was so excited to hear her. "Namaskaar Mommy , Sanchai hoisincha???" that was my first sentence as always. And then conversation begins. Today, I would feel it.. mom,s voice is different. Mom told me, "Babu! Ta Nepal nafarki aile". I was shocked. Is that a mom saying to her son? I could not believe it for a second. It has been three years I have not visited Nepal. I am so excited about this 2005 since I am planning to visit Nepal this summer. I wake up every morning and count the day and mark the calendar. Every week, I looked at the fliers and papers for sale. Almost every week I am going to mall back and forth and check list what I bought for whom??? I have a big big family and I don?t want to forget to buy something for them that?s why I have made the check list and I am marking the list after I buy something for them. Like ? Duiti vanji lai ramro ghadi ?Vanja lai Jacket? Bhai lai Guitar? Dijju lai make up kit? Fupu dijju lai jutta ? rekha dijju lai Pearl ko necklace? santosh lai t shirt.. and blah blah blah?.. Simply I don?t want to disappoint anybody in the family. My friends were like? ?yaaar! You are going crazy. I have never seen anybody as much excited as you are. You started shopping even 6 month before you fly?. Anyway, lets drop it here and continue with the conversation with my mom. Mom said, ? Babu, Hijo raati maobaadi le gau ko ghar ma aago lagai diye? Mero vakkano futera aayo. Mom knew that I have a lot of sentiments attached to Gau ko Ghar. My childhood dream. I can even picture how many windows or doors were there. It was 3 stories huge building with a lot of space for me to play all around. That house is the best place to play Hide and Seek. I always visited Gau in every long holiday and I carry a lot of stories about it to tell my friends at school when I get back to school after holidays. Mom started explaining? "Ghar naramrari jaleko cha? pachi Aago dubai goth ma salkiye cha? Gai, Bhaisi sabai dadechana.. .. kunai kunai dadera ghaaite bhayeka chan?chatpataudai chan.. tara bachne aasha chaina re? dhaan sabai dadyo? yas paali gaaro cha hamilai ..". Ghar ko left side ma gai ko goth and right side ma bhaisi ko goth thiyo. People here used to ask me how is Nepal? And always replied them.. it?s a heaven on the lap of Himalayas. I told them about my childhood stories.. and they were expecting a new picture of mine with Bhaisi ma chareko pose.. that's what I told them.. that I would ride Bhaisi again who knows when I would be able to do it later in my life.. so I would take a snap of my buffalo ride. Socheko thiye paral ko thupro ma pani picture khichne chu? gau ko khola ma macha pani parchu?. Besides these, gau ko ghar ko ek ek kuna kapcha ko picture khichne chu? so that I could tell the stories to my children in future. I wanted to save that Ghar in my album like a story in the book. Dreams!! Ahh Dreams?. Aja mero mutu jaleko cha?. Gau ko tyo ghar ko jalajhalti yaad aai ra cha?. But I could only picture black colored all around the ghar now. I was looking at the posting?"upload beautiful pics of Nepal here" and I was recalling my childhood.. my home? my gau.. my dreams? and suddenly this happened? "ta hatar garera ticket na le aile? ticket line bela ma feri phone garera sodhnu" mom went on. I asked mom how is everything in the city. She said. " Gharma chuira (beaten rice.. ppl mostly use in terai for khaja) matrai cha bhane ghar bahira niskinu bhanda tei chuira ra paani khaanu thik cha?. Yasto awastha cha yaaha ko? Bus chaldaina? gari sabai thappa banda cha? Pasal khuldainon?. Sadak Sadak galli galli ma Yuddha bhaako jasto lagcha. .. Yuddha huda kasto isthiti huncha bhanera bujhnalai aba Iraq jaanu pardaina hamile" Then she added? "chora, yasto kura nagareko ramro phone ma? taile news thaha pai halchas ni?". Mom looked a bit scared with the fear that telephone talks would be recorded and used against. I just agreed to her sentence. I am deeply hurt. Moists had brutally attacked on my sentiments last night. If I leave my sentiments aside then, mero ta ghar matrai jaleko ho? gai goru bhaisi matrai jaleko ho? asti ko 58 raaaga mare jasto tara? jasko ghar pariwaar le afno haat khutta or tauko gumayeka chana.. I don?t know how they will be able to forgive these Maoist (TERRORIST)? For me, its impossible? Killing is Killing? it?s a Crime from any angle I can see. I would not be able to ease my pain with any kind of justification for Killing. I would never be able to forgive those Maoists (Terrorists). I don?t care.. if its king or queen or girija or panche or makune?? if any of them will act to demolish this Terrorist group.. I would definitely support them.. no matter if they are prajatantrik or aprajatantrik. Today I would like to honor this PICTURE again?.. The picture was dedicated to all Nepalese around the world on Feb 18 (democracy day). 11 Candles are burned in the memory of 11,000 nepalese being killed during the Maoist Andolan. And the 12th candle is the hope for peace . 12th candle represent my expectation to restore peace though King Gyanendra. Also, I want to see the postings from those who have been victim of Maoist ... and.. if you think they can forgive this Terrorist Group (Maoist)? Plzz enlighten me? I don?t know if I am sick now? Thank you very much for reading it.