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oe_jharpat
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Posted on 04-26-21 1:51 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Lately I have been having a big urge to go back to Nepal and live with my parents. They are getting old, and although I have been supporting them financially I feel like they need my presence as well. Have been planning to bring them to US but I feel like they will not be able to adjust here, experienced that when they visited in between. In a great relationship here, have a good paying job, but I have this deep guilt/emptiness that I am being selfish and not doing enough for my parents. Would it be stupid to just say "f**k it" and leave everything and go back home? Everyone I talk to says I will regret going back, I mean I know life would be very difficult back home but is it really worth inner peace?
 
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Posted on 04-27-21 8:23 PM     [Snapshot: 366]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Decisions are not made in isolation. Everything is connected with everything else. Help us understand more about you. If you could provide more background on yourself, we can put some helpful insight. For example, what's your age range? How long have you been living in the states? Did you got your degree from US? Do you work here in a well paying company? Where is your home back in Nepal? Are you from a middle class family back in Nepal?
 
Posted on 04-28-21 10:23 AM     [Snapshot: 474]     Reply [Subscribe]
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That is an age old issue. Most people in the US go through those feelings. It is difficult. I am in the same situation but when I go to Nepal in vacation, after staying for a month, i feel like it will be difficult to survive there. Everyone's busy in their own lives, you have to start all over. The system out there is difficult to navigate. Even my parents encouraged me to not stay.
 
Posted on 04-28-21 11:35 AM     [Snapshot: 507]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@ujl 28 years old, been in US for almost 10 years now, have my bachelors and masters from US, getting paid pretty well for my industry, middle class in Nepal from the capital.

@all Thank you very much for all your input. Its weird how we Nepalese come together even when outside our lands when one of our countrymen is in need. Truly shows the spirit of belonging. Thanks for all your insight. I am still undecided, not sure if I want to leave the potential and stability I have over here to go back and try to start from scratch.
 
Posted on 04-28-21 8:47 PM     [Snapshot: 593]     Reply [Subscribe]
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REMEMBER, no mother wants her children to go far away in a foreign land and settle down.

WHEN you left NEPAL, your parents thought you will study for a couple of years and will come back and stand on your own feet and be a responsible person of the family and you will take care of them. THAT WAS THEIR DREAM.

BUT, YES, BUT, YOU SHATTERED THAT DREAM. YOU BECOME SELFISH. YOU LOOK FOR SAFETY NET.

And of course, we are talking about mother's heart. She is happy whatever you decide. But at the end of the day, she put a stone on top of her heart and sleeps.




 
Posted on 04-29-21 12:49 AM     [Snapshot: 687]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I know few even dv people who went back .here nobody will notice even if you go to moon and comeback.you won't have any social status.If you are not smart enough to do anything in nepal stay here
 
Posted on 04-29-21 8:24 AM     [Snapshot: 731]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I think most of the decisions in life are based on expected happiness. You currently feel a bit unhappy because you feel like you are not able to fulfill your duties as a son to your parents as far as togetherness and being there for them. Once you go there you may feel fulfilled for a bit but after a while there will be different things to make you unhappy. We are only human beings and our search for happiness will never end. I hope you will make a decision that you can accept.
 
Posted on 04-29-21 1:08 PM     [Snapshot: 795]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@all I am aware of all the repercussions. The dreams that were killed, the diversions, the expectations, the future. Sometimes I feel like getting a green card made it worse for me. If I didn't have it, I would have had no choice but to go back home. Just need that one big push to bite the bullet. Going home also would mean I would need to end my relationship here with my girlfriend since she has no intention to go back, and would have to give up my career, the little progress I have made in this last decade here. It might look like a simple straightforward decision but it actually turned out to be a pretty stressful situation. If I look at myself from a third person's view, it looks simple to even me lol. Its just hard to take that big leap of faith.

I have realized that happiness is not the destination, just a by-product of your purpose.

Thanks for all of your input.
 
Posted on 04-29-21 11:48 PM     [Snapshot: 865]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@jharpat... You must be at the level of Jedi Master Yoda to give up career and girlfriend and return to Nepal for parents.
 
Posted on 04-30-21 11:26 AM     [Snapshot: 954]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@ujl The force is strong with this one. But on a serious note, priorities in my life have changed, family has become more important.
 
Posted on 04-30-21 6:00 PM     [Snapshot: 1007]     Reply [Subscribe]
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The aim of life is to remove sorrow and pain so one can live harmoniously. If going to Nepal will give you the fulfillment you looking for then there is no need to be concerned. However, one needs to be very careful about the subtle modifications of the mind. Mind plays tricks on you. Even yogis who spend most of their lives on a secluded place are harassed by subtle desires that pop up in their mind out of nowhere. A yogi who renounced the world was crying because he could not buy an apple watch!

Somebody above in the thread said it will be hard to navigate the system in Nepal especially for people who lived in the states for long. My advice is that big decisions like this should be done in a calm state of mind. If you are not happy right here right now then there is no guarantee that Nepal or being with your parents will provide you the happiness. Because the moment your mind runs towards external object seeking fulfillment, you are on the grip of Maya or cosmic ignorance. Water seen on a mirage will never quench your thirst. Going to Nepal for parents is a good idea. However, having wrong expectation from a worldly relations will put your mind in a state of turbulence. Buy a notebook, be honest with yourself, and write all "desires" you have in your life. Count how many desires you have. Ask yourself, can you fulfill these desires in Nepal? If yes, Nepal welcomes you.
 
Posted on 04-30-21 7:44 PM     [Snapshot: 1077]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@ujl absolutely true. However, how do I know what will give me peace until I try it? I don't know if I will be happy or feel fulfilled if I go home. I don't know if its my mind that is playing tricks on me. All I know is that I am not at peace right now. I have tried patience and am still being patient and not taking a hasty decision. Hence, the long contemplation on what would be the right move. An objective and sane decision to stay and have an easy life with more potential, or a emotional decision which is probably a career suicide to pursue something more than just that.
Idk, but you are absolutely right.
 
Posted on 05-01-21 2:57 PM     [Snapshot: 1202]     Reply [Subscribe]
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That's a very deep question and will take years of contemplation on your part. Unless you inquire on the nature of peace, illusory nature of external objects, and the self who is the experiencer of all sense perception, it will be almost impossible to clear the doubts. It also takes years and years of pain and suffering, then you will start asking why am I suffering like this. Then you will start finding a way out. However, depending on your past karmas, you may or may not get the right conditions and environment to be a yogi. Therefore, I am recommending a more practical tips for your situation: write down all the desires you have for now. Then ask, can you fulfill these desires in Nepal? If the answer is yes, go to Nepal. Simple as it sounds!
 
Posted on 05-01-21 4:47 PM     [Snapshot: 1243]     Reply [Subscribe]
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ok I'll try it out. thanks Ujl
 
Posted on 05-01-21 8:06 PM     [Snapshot: 1312]     Reply [Subscribe]
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"Then you will start finding a way out. However, depending on your past karmas, you may or may not get the right conditions and environment to be a yogi"

धेरै जसोले "past Karma" लाइ पूर्व जन्म संग जोडे होलान मैले चै जम्न पछि को कर्म हो भन्ने लिएको छु | ब्यबहारीक टिप्स चै चित्त बुझ्यो |

 
Posted on 06-12-21 5:36 PM     [Snapshot: 2286]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I am starting to slip into depression.
 
Posted on 06-12-21 8:50 PM     [Snapshot: 2351]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Jharpat
Go and smoke some low THC weed. Your depression will vanish right away .
 
Posted on 06-13-21 10:46 PM     [Snapshot: 2525]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Depression is a phase ... only you can get out of it ... many weaks and many strongs have struggled with it if you look into hisotory ... goodluk
 
Posted on 06-14-21 12:59 AM     [Snapshot: 2571]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I think you are having quarter life crisis. This will come and go. Every age group has its own issuss. Continue with your life. Slowly you will find what was important to you 5 years back is no more and you will find new ones.
Like Uji said going to Nepal, being with parents is just a phase in life. If you are not happy with what you have, you will never feel happy after you achieve your dreams. Listen to jim Carry, he will explain more.
Try to find happiness in what you have and make the best out of it. Try to balance your time with parents by bringing thwm here for 3 months each year and you go to Nepal every year for another month and so.
 
Posted on 06-14-21 2:16 PM     [Snapshot: 2652]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Dad has pretty bad depression himself, mom is stressed out. I am the only child. Not seeing parents happy is pushing me towards depression too. Tried thinking rationally but I'm just spiraling. Will seek therapy soon.
 
Posted on 06-14-21 2:34 PM     [Snapshot: 2655]     Reply [Subscribe]
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oe_jharpat you seem like an intelligent guy. I think you should go back if you think that makes you happy. There will be many who will say you will miss US, you are making a mistake, etc. But they are saying that from their perspective. You have made it this far, are successful, if Nepal doesn't work out. You can still come back. If you don't go back, you'll always have that "what if". At the end we are just travellers travelling through time, there's no objective right or wrong path.
 



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