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 Uncompassionate Doctor

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Posted on 06-06-14 12:17 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Maya was 12 years old when she told her mother that she wants to be a doctor. A daughter of a simple bank clerk and a housewife, Maya didn’t realize it’s an extravagant dream for a middleclass Nepali family. Her mother realized that this dream is not possible with the earning of one person, which was just enough to fulfill the basic need of Maya, her younger sister Chhaya and younger brother Ayesh.

After possibly 2 weeks of sleepless nights and disturbed days, Maya’s mother decided to work. But it was impossible since she has a family to look after. So she decided to start something from her own home. Now the big question is what she can do from home. She is not a very well educated woman or a skilled vocational woman. She cleaned the ground floor room of her house which was unused since she got married to Maya’s father. It was a very small room which opened to a busy street in Kathmandu.

She decided to open a vegetable shop since she realized the locality lacks that. No one supported her decision. Her Maiti people, though very rich and educated thought it was a bad idea and it will ruin the goodwill of their family. Her Sasurali family couldn’t understand her desperation. And her journey began.

According to Meera aka Maya’s mum, “ Maya wanted to be a doctor and Chhaya decided to be an engineer. I worked like a donkey to save money. 4 in the morning I used to go to Kalimati Tarkari Bazaar and get the vegetables to the shop by 6am. Whole day I am in the shop and whenever I got time, when the business was slow, I went to kitchen and cooked. Later I hired a helper. I have saved penny by penny, dime by dime and with that money I have a doctor and an engineer daughters and I am proud of myself.”

The story doesn’t end there. Now her certified doctor daughter, who works in a very well reputed, expensive and posh hospital in Kathmandu, asked her mum not to come inside the hospital. If she has some work, she should call Maya outside the hospital, in a distance and do what she got to do. Meera is extremely hurt with this behavior and still smiles and says its OK.She was told that her appearance and attitude doesn’t match with what Maya wants to take to the hospital. Basically Maya is ashamed of her mother.

Doctors are synonymous with compassion and love. They say a person with a lovely heart should be a doctor coz you need a lot of it when you work. Maya treated her own mother so badly. The mother who had lived her life living her daughters’ dreams and working on it. People like Maya are case of failure to me. I was just wondering if bad Karma someday comes back to Maya ( that I know it will), and her own kids in the future treats her exactly the way she has treated her mum, will she be able to take it??? We shall wait!!!!

(The write up is based on true story, but the names of the characters are changed for privacy reason and requested by Meera.)

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Posted on 06-07-14 10:25 AM     [Snapshot: 570]     Reply [Subscribe]
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मिता ब्ो, story padhera ta malie runa Mann lagyo,
Posted on 06-07-14 11:50 AM     [Snapshot: 617]     Reply [Subscribe]
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You can't call a parent amazing just because they work hard to pay off their kids' tution and provide them with other material things. I know many parents who did that and luckly their kids are comfortable (financial speaking) today. But I don't see much connection between them. Whereas I also know other parents who were relatively poor and could not afford much. But they spent a good amount of time with their kids, played with them are were part of their lives. These kids today may not be financial rich but they seem a lot happier and have a deeper connection with their parents that I don't see with richer kids.

And as for Metta's story, I am sorry but what the heck was the mom doing not telling her son that he got one of his eyes from her. Why did she have to hold it until her death? Secrets in a family, no matter how tiny can ruin a family.

We are all stupid when we are young, especially when we are teenagers. There were times during my teenage years where I was ashamed of my parents. I didn't want to go shopping with my mom when I was 14 and be seen by my friends. Neither did I want my dad around when my friends came over. My parents were not very open minded and always looked at me suspiciously. I am sure a lot of us share similar kind of stories. This is true even in western world. Teenage years are the worst and we are most venerable at this time of life. So yes we do and say stupid things even to our parents.
But if we have been raised properly by our parents, this phase fades away with time and when we become adult, we come to realise the love we have for our parents. And this does make us regret what we might have said to our parents when we were younger. But if this continues even into our adulthood and beyond, like in the story of Maya, then something must have gone wrong in our bringing up.

Posted on 06-07-14 12:04 PM     [Snapshot: 643]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I am trying to understand what exactly r u trying to prove here.
All I am saying is a simple story.....a child not being thankful to her mother,....every family is different and every person is different and they handle things differently....but being thankful to people who had helped you is universal....
correct me here if i am wrong!
Posted on 06-07-14 12:59 PM     [Snapshot: 672]     Reply [Subscribe]
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What I am trying to say is, things are not always as clear as white and black. There may be many reasons why Maya is the way she is. But you saw her as an ungrateful daughter because you only saw her mom's side of story.

Posted on 06-07-14 1:22 PM     [Snapshot: 704]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Things r not always black and white and have shades of grey. Agreed. But Amby's writing here is to remind us more of the sacrifice our parents made just to see their kids happy and successful. And she creates a subtle way of asking ourselves : r we making similar sacrifices to see our parents happy and fulfilled?

All other discussions relating to story is farce IMO.
Posted on 06-07-14 1:23 PM     [Snapshot: 689]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I 100% agree with you. I had times where my friends had no space in our house. My parents always asked about caste ( I was born Bahun) but they want to send kids to private school with other castes gurung, magar, kasai, chetri, newar etc. Obviously, I have mix friends and I never had same hospitality in my house that I got from my friends' house. We need to change mentality of our parents that they made us Dr. Er. Pilot, Nurse. They didn't make it, we became, they just invested. If that was true why all 100 students in our SLC class are not top professional today ? I have Americans friend who talk crap about parents. So, there is always generation gap and level of thinking. Some parents never want to change. Anyway parents are parents you cannot buy in market.
Posted on 06-08-14 9:48 AM     [Snapshot: 863]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I agree the story has documented only one aspect from the parent side but totally disagree with your each and every sentences. First off, I felt in some way you were insulting your parent by linking them with word "Market", which is obviously not good. And looks like you are pretty influenced by American culture which I think is good if you take it positively. You need to compare apples to apples not apples to oranges. You've seen your American Friend bitching their parents so you want to copy them? Why don't you learn from someone who respects their parents. I bet you will find an American, who respects their Parents.

And since you know there is generation gap between you and your Parents why your sh*t for brain didn't understand instead of criticizing you can change their perceptive.
Will that solve the problem if you bitch your Parents? It's a BIG NO, but instead if you try to teach them will that help, May be, you never know.

Why "100 students in our SLC class are not top professional today": (Bro, when i saw this I was thinking to myself, what would be the education level of this guy to ask such question?). So you are going to put all the blame on you parents for the failure in life? I think you Parents must be very proud today with your remarks.

And you did mention about American friend so I assume you are fortunate one to come to US for what ever reason( may be you can criticize them in public).

I could still go, but I don't think its worth my time. All I am saying is have some RESPECT towards your Parents. Whoever you are today is because of them not because of you.

Posted on 06-08-14 10:18 AM     [Snapshot: 895]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thanks for your input just to make me down. I just agreed with "Hurray" and elaborated it. I have written positive comments about importance of parents on above replies. I have not mentioned that I am from US, why you assumed that ? May be you were born with silver spoon so your parents were very liberal with your friends and needs. Just to let you know I am most influential kid among my siblings towards my parent. I vented out because I agreed with "Hurray", why don't you chase him ? I think you know me in person. Here comes another Shravan Kumar.
Posted on 06-08-14 10:38 AM     [Snapshot: 889]     Reply [Subscribe]
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you are presenting your self as Moral Police. You think you know what exactly is right thing and what exactly people should do to their parents. You think respect to parents is absolutely necessary. This type thinking is nothing but conformity to social values which always run as superficial wave on the vast ocean called as life.

If i have no respect to my parents, certainly you will think i am total failure and my education is completely useless. You see things very simplistic way, thinks american are vastily different then Nepali. Your whole thinking starts from conformity and ends to conformity of some kind social values and most likely you may be very proud of it. You are too afraid to see what exactly mind is doing. It is what most organized religions are doing from eternity so is the social culture and traditions.

Posted on 06-09-14 3:28 PM     [Snapshot: 1057]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Amby , कथा/व्यथा आमाको रहेछ एउटी दुखि आमाको.... मन चसक्क भयो ...खल्लो लाग्यो आमालाइ सम्झेर र झन् नराम्रो यो देखेर लाग्यो कि तेत्रो दुख कस्ट सहेर , परिवारको भनाई खाएर , आफ्नो व्यथा कुल्चेर हुर्काएको सन्तति झन् तेस्तो निर्दयी भयेछ ..... यहाँ सप्पैले शायेद त्यो सन्ततिमा आफु पो देखेछन कि के हो ... झस्केर बचाव गर्दैहुनु हुन्छ आफ्नै .....

यहाँ एउतै सुन्तलाको बोट मा पनि कुनै अमिलो फल्छ कुनै गुलियो .... जब कि मल जल माया सम्बर्धन एकै हुन्छ ..

जे होस कर्म को फल त अवस्य मिल्छ ..... सद्बुद्धि - विवेक मिलोस मिराज्यु कि छोरीलाइ .... पछि पछुताउन नपरोस पछि ....

- थाहा छैन
Posted on 06-09-14 8:17 PM     [Snapshot: 1146]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@ Dindukhi, 

"They didn't make it, we became, they just invested." 

Invested?!! B.S. I don't think so. Parents  give UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, UNCONDITIONAL ATTENTION to their kids. 

Most Parents go through certain time in life, that they don't have enough food to eat for themselves, but manage to pay your school fees. You don't know this 'cause you are young and they DON'T want to let you know. They just want to see you as a Happy Kid. 

Lord Krishna says when you die,  the tears of your mother is only valuable,  tears of your wife, sister, brother, friends are useless. Why? Wife cries because who is going to take care of her, but later after one year..she will marry someone else,  Brother cries, he has to take care of parents, more responsibility. Friend cries, he is not getting any help in time of need. ...

And mother cries thinking of your smile, your innocence way of talking, your small stuff in life you did, she doesn't WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU..JUST LOVE. FOR that reason parents never invest on their children. They give UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. 


Posted on 06-09-14 9:36 PM     [Snapshot: 1210]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Some parents these days can't be trusted. Period.
They sell their daughters to brothel.
They rape their own daughters.
They think their daughters are burden.

May be that's what he meant. Why everyone is against dindukhi? Keep opening your both eyes is the wisest thing to do.
Posted on 06-09-14 9:42 PM     [Snapshot: 1210]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Sexy In Sari:

My opinion is bullshit if I don't agree with you. What parents expect once kids are grown, enjoy their property or earn and pay them back. I assume you are in foreign land, what your parents expect, a monthly wire transfer to Nepal. Well, may be they don't want your income, but all neighbors bug your parents that their kids send this much, that much of money every month. We live on others expectation. I agree there is unconditional love however a big investment is an expectation of return. Sexy in Sari, I regret that I could not pay back my parents both consistent love & wealth. As you know all kids are not like you, right ?
Posted on 06-09-14 9:48 PM     [Snapshot: 1222]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@ Lamps @ Sexy in Sari

Please consider bittertruth points as well moreover on gender disparity.
Posted on 06-09-14 10:23 PM     [Snapshot: 1222]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Bitty Bro,
No one is against Dindukhi, It's just that people are against his attitude. "SOME parents these days can't be trusted". I agree with your statement. Some rapist rapes his daughter or some a$$h**le sells his daughter to some one else, for that reason you want to bitch you parents? or you want to loose respect towards your parents?
Since you are supporting Dindukhi, I believe his thoughts are acceptable to you.
Give me one simple answer, if you find a stone in a bucket of rice, will you throw away rice as well?
Ani Dindukhi bro, I don't have personal issues with you, so take it out of you mind. If you are wrong people will say you are wrong.
Posted on 06-09-14 11:42 PM     [Snapshot: 1296]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@ Lamps
Let me answer you senseless logic of
"Give me one simple answer, if you find a stone in a bucket of rice, will you throw away rice as well? "

Well, if the rice has too many stones (which can happen), I would simply stop eating that kind of rice and buy a different one or eat something else. Because sorting out stones from the rice when there are too many can be a pain in the a**.

@ Sexy in Sari
I have not much to say to someone who believes in religious dogmas. But trust me, I have seen bothers, sisters and wives cry out of plain and true love.
Posted on 06-10-14 2:47 AM     [Snapshot: 1328]     Reply [Subscribe]
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lamps, your arguments fail at so many level.
Your immaturity shines at it's best. You acknowledge what I had to say yet you try to defend totally utterly useless aimless ideology of 'oh all parents are good, they love unconditionally to their kids'. I spit on that shitty notion that you carry bro. You and I are lucky enough to have ideal parents but millions of bastards out there aren't fortunate enough. Go and ask one of them, how did they feel when they're abandoned in a trash right after their birth. Go and ask dead murdered daughter whose parent mercilessly slit her throat just coz she slept with her servant somewhere in India, advocate your shitty unconditional love there. Ask those couple in pakistan whose crime was to fell in love with each other later stoned to death by their own parents. Even your own parents may not allow your choice if you choose to go and marry so-called low-caste girl if there is any in their perception, why? coz they care bout themselves and social status more than your happiness and wills. Ideal parents don't kill their children for their own selfish reasons but there are who do and it's happening every fcking single day. Baat karta hai, .. reality bites my friend. Just keep open your both eyes. World must be seen from all perspectives else you'd remain and turn into extremist. Right now you look like an extremist trying to impose your fundamentalist approach. Step off pal.. am not opposing the statement that parents love is unconditional, most certainly but I'm also accepting there are parents so selfish and cruel they kill their own children and their love is totally conditional.

Almost all parents in Nepal long for a son to born in the family, motive behind it again has selfish reasons i.e that son will take care of them when they get old which in my opinion has nothing wrong in it but it is conditional and that's how our society and culture is structured and it's relative to every group of people living in different country and continent of the world, it varies how they feel towards their children.

My conclusion, there are both good and bad parents. If you agree on these, I agree with you but if you keep arguing like moron that 'no all parents on good', I prefer not to have any further exchange of words with you.

Posted on 06-10-14 7:03 AM     [Snapshot: 1373]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Parents never can have unconditional love towards their children. Period.
Very awareness that i am father or mother, has twisted motive, extension of ego (my son , my daughter, old age security and so on) denies unconditional love. Unconditional love never can be directed to particular person, and it can not recognize as mine or others. The very awareness that i love some one is conditioned response, you feel you getting some thing out of it or expect some thing from yr investment called love.

Posted on 06-10-14 7:24 AM     [Snapshot: 1386]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I SAID, I agree with your statement "SOME parents these days can't be trusted" so where did you see me arguing all the parents are good? I guess that pretty much sums up all parents are not good. And in your above comment my only issue was with "Why everyone is against dindukhi?". If you still think Dindukhi is right for what he said, then i don't want to argue with you either.
Posted on 06-10-14 7:27 AM     [Snapshot: 1393]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I see a lot of people igniting their egos and ethos on a very simple matter. There is nothing to argue about here. Some doctors are compassionate some are not, but in general we like to think that more are compassionate than not.

Same way with parents there are good/loving parents and some are not. But most parents are loving to their children generally speaking. People have given example of muslim parents who are extremists but we should not forget that we are talking about Nepali parents here, who are loving in general.

There are always exceptions to everything but we should not focus on the exception to generalize about anything.

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