My garrulous feelings are suddenly laconic....
inveterate agonies sabotage augmented desires
And yet this shrunken visions find no place in this "utopia" ...
So, wasn't euthanasia my only way out?
And...this is why... i mander alone in this inferno.
captivated by comatose dreams of life...my felicity lies here.....
...here .... where it is so dark..so gloomy....
As..here... my ideosyncracies get nurtured freely!

Her short-lived period of happiness…… comes back to square one… !! she had a huge fight over a minute thing!! Funny… but deeply disturbing. Well.. I don’t know what to write here. Sometime I think I as an author… get biased. I tend to be more sympathetic towards her I guess...just my feminine prejudice?.

"Mujhko dil se yehi shikayet hai….. jo usko mil nahi sakta.. kyon uski chaht hai..!!"

Exactly…. She yearns for the man she loved… the one with whom she has married.. not this transformed one. And she is aware of the fact that probably he thinks the same thing…. He feels exactly the same way about her… looking at the transformed her. She doesn’t know who should she hold responsible for this transformation.. that engulfed both of them….. or was that just wrong from very beginning…! What if they were not meant to be…. Well may be that’s it… they were just a mismatched pair from the start. But then between this meant to be or not to be…. Has killed both of their dreams and lives obviously. SHE PONDERS… IS IT BETTE R TO HAVE LOVED HIM ONCE AND LOST HIM… OR WOULD IT HAVE BEEN BETTER NOT TO HAVE LOVED HIM AT ALL. WELL… WHATEVER THE ANSWER MIGHT BE.. SHE CANT UNDO THE PAST.. OFCOURSE..NOT NOW ....when THEY HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TO THINK OF TOO. A part of her hates him… and a much bigger part of her loves him and prays to be with him. What an ambivalence. Always a fight between heart and brain. She has always followed her heart… it is high time that she should follow her brain for once…..!!

oh treacherous heart... always plotting some villaneous act against the mind. She thinks of her past....... way back...way back.... more way back.... And yet there is no way, taht her past has not touched him anyway. He was a bigger part of her than she would have liked to thought or admit......! heart doesn't seem like a villain anymore.

He is sleeping...... she sits by the bedside and keep looking at his face... the same visage she deemed worth of killing for.....the same lips she had kissed umpteen of times... And the memory of those kisses fills in her the exact same feeling she had the first day they were together..... She decides...she is meant to be his..... all the fights in between just decipher themselves into an oblivion. If she still still loves him after such long time and despite all fights...... then she is meant to be his. She forsook all her dreams to share his, she left her everyone behind to be with his..... she definetely does love him and she is not gonna let this love of her die. She softly kisses his eylids and vows.... at least on her part, she will pace the first step towards unreeling the transformation. may be they could have their glorious past back.

i just woke up... dunno what i typed away. hope u all will critique me. i could write poetry much easily.... fiction doesn't fall under my territory...just a trial....

thanks