i got one: A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His wife rolls over and asks, “What in the world was that?” The man says, “Touchdown, I’m ahead, seven to nothing.” A few minutes later the wife lets one loose. The man says to her, “What was that?” She replies, “Touchdown, tie score.” The man lays there for about ten minutes trying to work another one up. He tries so hard that he craps all over the bed. The wife asks, “Now what in the world was that?” He replies, “Half time. Switch sides.”

bhikhaari · Jul 15, 2009 9:52 AM

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for? Husband : Nothing. Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~  Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ? A - One Woman Brings U into this world  crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~  Wife : Do you want dinner? Husband : Sure, what are my choices? Wife : Yes and no ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~  Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~  Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married  yet ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~  Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap

के छ ? · Aug 22, 2009 12:22 PM

Exciting Period A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period,' said the little boy. "Well, I can see that,' she said, 'but what is so exciting about a period?' 'Damned if I know,' said the little boy, 'but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

के छ ? · Aug 22, 2009 12:35 PM

A man asked  God, how long is a billion human years to you? God replied " a minute' the man then asked God how much is a billion dollars worth to you?, God replied " a penny" the man then asked God, can you gimme a penny? God replied ' gimme a minute'.

Dirt in my eye · Aug 22, 2009 3:25 PM

Logical Vs. Legal After having failed his exam in a Student goes and confronts his lecturer about it. Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?" Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!" Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you Can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If You however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the Exam. " Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?" Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and Neither logical, nor legal?" Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give The student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed. Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the Same question. . . . . . . . . . He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 Year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 Year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you Have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have Failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

?? ? ? · Nov 10, 2009 8:29 PM

Some Sardar's Jokes Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything? Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything. Ek baar ek kabutar ne Sardar pe bit kar di.. Sardar-'Saale teri maa ne chaddi pehnna nahi sikhaya kya? Kabutar-'Saale to tu kya chaddi me karta hai.'   Angry Santa to Son : Tumne kabhi ullu dekha hai? Son : (Neeche dekhte hue) No Papa… Santa : Neeche mat dekho. Look at me.   Sardar & sardarani waiting at signal. A tapori boy comes & says "kya paaji rakhail hai kya?" Sadar furiously says "Oye sale, rakhail hogi terio meri to biwi hai."   Nurse gave newborn baby 2 sardar he screamd "puttar hua! puttar hua!" Nurse shouted, "abe gadhe ladki hui hai, meri ungli chod"   Women 2 sardar:What is the time? Sardar replied the answer and was slapped. Why? He answered bra pantees(12:35).   Teacher: “Name Some Films That Have Almost Same Stories?” Santa: "Madam, Blue Films"

?? ? ? · Nov 10, 2009 9:50 PM

This beautiful woman says, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."  I figure what the heck, so I show her mine. Then she shows me hers. Hers is bigger.

peacecountry · Dec 12, 2009 9:00 AM

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home. " I went over. Nobody was home

peacecountry · Dec 12, 2009 9:01 AM

  1.         It is not a video but a picture !!!   2. Love at First sight   3. How do girls download videos   4. Santa in Summer   Last edited: 28-Dec-09 07:38 PM

?? ? ? · Dec 28, 2009 7:34 PM

hos prashad · Jan 18, 2010 2:38 PM

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm 'completely nude'. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!' As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed... 'YES, YES, I WON, I WON!' She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.' MORAL OF THE STORY: Not all Irish are stupid.. Not all blondes are dumb, But all men are men. ***************************************************************************** Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.  -------------------------------------------------------------- Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.  -------------------------------------------------------------- Only in America ......do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.  -------------------------------------------------------------- Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.  -------------------------------------------------------------- Only in America ..........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..  -------------------------------------------------------------- Only in America .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.  -------------------------------------------------------------- EVER WONDER ... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?  -------------------------------------------------------------- Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?  -------------------------------------------------------------- Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?  -------------------------------------------------------------- Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? -------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?  -------------------------------------------------------------- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?  -------------------------------------------------------------- Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?  -------------------------------------------------------------- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?  -------------------------------------------------------------- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?  -------------------------------------------------------------- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?  -------------------------------------------------------------- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?  -------------------------------------------------------------- You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!  -------------------------------------------------------------- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?  -------------------------------------------------------------- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?  -------------------------------------------------------------- I like this one!!! If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?  -------------------------------------------------------------- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

hos prashad · Jan 18, 2010 2:41 PM

1Sardar aur Pathan ko 1000 rupee road per gire mile to sardar kehta ke 50-50 karte hain to Pathan bola baqi 900 ka kiya karen ge!!

ktmgal · Jan 23, 2010 8:26 AM

साझामा jokes मन पराउने मान्छे छैनन् की के ?? ल रमाइलो गरौ... let be get back to work.... _________________ ______________________ _________________ ____________________ Moral of the story :don't lie to your wife if she is smarter than you :)

के छ ? · Jan 29, 2010 6:41 PM

1. funny answers  2. Height of confusion  The young man was so nervous on meeting his future fatherin-law that he blurted out, “Sir, may I have your daughter’s hole in handy matrimony?”   3. Sit of Shit 4.  A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked: "How much is 2+2?" The housewife replies: "4!" The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those  figures through my spreadsheet one more time." The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice: "How much do you want it to be?"

के छ ? · Jan 29, 2010 7:15 PM

1. Load shedding effects in Delhi  2. Teachers Nightmare

के छ ? · Feb 22, 2010 3:02 PM

LMAO.....keep it up.

Pjay36 · Feb 22, 2010 8:54 PM