Two Terrorists r having a discussion in a bar. The

 Shere court ma Gayera

 Euta army 3 sal pa6i ghar aayo.

 Bachelors think that married

 शेरे चिया पसलमा चिया पिउँदै बसिरहेको थियो । उसले सडकमा अचम्मको दृष्य देख्यो । त्यहाँ २ वटा लासहरु लगिदै थियो ।

 

 A petrol station owner in Nepal was trying to increase his sales.. So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

 One morning at a doctor's office Bittertruth arrives complaining of serious back-pain.

 A monkey was watching a human couple under tree... And thinking what magic!!!

 There was this biologist who was doing some experiments with frogs.He  was measuring just how far frogs could jump.So he puts a frog on a line and says,"Jump frog jump!"...The frog jumps 2 feet .He writes in his lab book : Frog with 4 legs-jumps 2 feet.
 
Next he chops off one of the legs and repeats the experiment."Jump frog jump!" he says .The frog manages to jump 1.5 feet.So he writes in his lab book:Frogs with 3 legs-jumps 1.5 feet.

He chops off another and the frog only jumps 1 foot.He writes in his book:Frog with 2 legs jumps 1 foot.

He continues and removes yet another leg."Jump frog jump!",and the frog somehow jumps a half of a foot.So he writes in his lab book again: Frog with one leg-jumps 0.5 feet.Finally he chops off the last leg.He puts the frog on the line and tells it to jump.

The frog doesn't move."Jump frog jump!".Again the frog stays on the line."Come oooooon frog,jump!".But to no avail.

The biologist finally writes in his book: Frog with no legs go deaf.

 Santa : HO HO HO!!!   Guys: Where Where Where???

 Two snakes were slithering through the ground.One of them asked to the other: Do you think we are poisonous ones?. The other replied,"I guess not....I just bit my lips".

Grlfnd 2 byfnd : I m pregnant !
 
Byfnd : R u sure ki ye mera hai ?
 
Girl crying and says : yaar sab log aise bologe to kaise chalega..

There were two gay guys living together. One of them lacked chest
hair and it seemed to become a real problem for him.

So, one day he decided to visit the doctor to see why he had no
chest hair and if there was anything he could do about it.

Well, the doctor said there was nothing wrong with the guy, and
really the only thing he could do to try and stimulate hair
growth was to smother Vaseline all over his chest daily.

The guy was elated. He went home and immediately smothered his
chest in Vaseline.

When his partner came home and jumped into bed with him, he felt
the Vaseline and asked, "What in the hell are you doing?"

"The doctor said if I put Vaseline on my chest I might be able to
grow some hair"

"You idiot," said his partner, "Think about it. If that were true
you'd have a pony tail coming out of your ass by now"

A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the
wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."
The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"
A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!" Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"
Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He's not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it. The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing.

Do you know what Rodeo Sex is?
It's when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was better than you...", and try to hold on for 8 seconds!

(Sorry if I offended anyone.. posted just for fun..)

Santa goes to the podiatrist with a swollen foot.
After a careful examination, the doctor hands him a pill that looks big enough to choke a horse.

"I will be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.

The doctor has been gone a while, and Santa is losing his patience. He hobbles outside to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat, and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat.

Santa then hobbles back into the examining room. Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water.

"Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes."

A man frantically calls the hotel desk from his room on the 11th floor.
"Please come quick I'm having an arguement with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the hotel window."
The hotel manager replies, "Sir I'm afraid that's a domestic matter and the hotel and it's staff are obligated to not interfere."
The husband responds, "Like hell it's a domestic matter! This damn window won't open, and that sir is a hotel maintenance problem."

A Soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. He asked her, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain WHY later."
The nun agreed to his request.
Shortly thereafter, the two Military Police came running along and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road.
She replied, "He went that way."
After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt And said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go To Iraq." The nun said she can fully understand the fear.
The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have the most beautiful pair of legs I've ever seen.
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen the most beautiful pair of balls you've ever seen! I don't want to go to Iraq either."

Just thought of this....but I know it's not all that original.

"Yo Momma so ugly even her mirror comes with a Warning: Objects on the mirror look prettier than they appear"

 Two boys were arguing in a class when the teacher entered the room.The teacher asked,"Why are you arguing?".

One boy answered,"We found a 10-dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves,"said the teacher."When I was of your age,I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the 10 dollars to the teacher.

This is one of the funniest reviews I have ever read...This is from amazon.. enjoy


After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...

 FUNNY Court Conversation: (Copied from anonymous Facebook Wall)

It is two o'clock in the morning and a husband and his wife are asleep when suddenly the phone rings. The husband picks up the phone and before he can say anything, some talking came from the other end of the line and the husband says "How the heck do I know - what am I, the weather man?" and promptly slams the phone down. His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?" The husband replies, "I don't know, it was some bloke who wanted to know if the coast was clear

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Hey! your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"
"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's back in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar, grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?"
"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."

A married woman entered a
pharmacy,walked2 d pharmacist,look
ed straight in2 his eyes and said,"I
would like 2 buy FAST HUMAN
POISON"..the pharmacist
asked,"why,whatfor?the lady replied,"i
need it 2 poison my husband",the
pharmacist shouted,"lord have
mercy,it's against d law!!!it's a
sin..Absolutelynot,shouted d lady.she
reached into her bag and pull out a
picture of her husband in bed with d
pharmacist's wife..the pharmacist
looked at d picture and screamed,why
didn't you tell me you have a
prescription.....

A teacher trying to teach good
manners, asked her students the
following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date
having dinner with a nice young
lady, how would you tell her that
you have to go to the bathroom?
'Michael said: 'Just a minute I have
to go pee.' The teacher responded
by saying: 'That would be rude
and impolite. What about you
Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I
really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very
nice to say the word bathroom at
the dinner table. And you, little
Johnny, can you use your brain
for once and show us your good
manners?'
Johnny said 'I would say: Darling,
may I please be excused for
a moment? I have to shake hands
with a very dear friend of mine,
whom I hope to introduce you to
after dinner.'
The teacher fainted..

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

Bir hospital ma Ek din youta twake lai emergency ma lyayechan..
.
.
X-ray garepachi usko penis ma fracture dhekhiyecha ...
.
.
DOCTOR: mero yetro career ma yesto case kaile dhekhina kasari bhayo yo?
TWAKE: machis fracture ko kura chod ..malai yeti bhan ke Tyo vitta ma KT ko naked poster kos le taseko...