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  In Response to "Sajha Writers' Guild"
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Posted on 10-10-04 11:58 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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In response to Marriage, commitment phobia, and freedom mania Author: Deepak Bhandari, September 20, 2004 Although my response is in no way to attack you personally, however, I would like to make some comments as I happen to read this article thoroughly. However anxiously I had waited to read these articles (in writerýs guild) with some set expectations, itýs only disheartening to know that it did not meet the expectations that I came up with. You have come up with some good points, but what appalled me is the incoherence of paragraphs in your essay. It might sound like an English teacher scolding his kid for not arranging his essay properly, but as I begin to make comments that seems inevitable. The first thing that I noticed in your essay is the lack of clear thesis. It seems like your thesisýwhat you are going to talk in rest of the essayýis about the freedom that you get from committing to marriage, but I donýt see you going along that line as I read the rest of the essay. Or if you intended to talk about why people do not want to commit to marriage early, then that does not seem clear either. So, a strong thesis would not only make the readers follow through what your are going to say in rest of your essay but you would also avoid confusing people. You make some good arguments in your second paragraph about the misconception people have before marriages. I like the part that you have included your personal opinion, which I think gives the paper a strong backing. I donýt have much to say about this paragraph. I see some flaw in your argument in your third paragraph. You say, ýAfter experiencing all the happiness marriage can bring to a single personýs life, I now feel stupid for not exploring this joy a few years earlier.ý This doesnýt seem quite appealing to me although I can see what you are saying. So to speak for the sake of an argument, even if I were to marry at the age of 15, I would still be missing something that I would have gotten had I married a few years earlier. In the next paragraph, you digress from what you should be talking about; you go on talking about how you got involved in your e business. Although you might find this piece interesting to put on your paper, I donýt see how that event makes your essay strong. You donýt have any real point to makeýin accordance with your thesisýin this paragraph. Is that the freedom that you got from your marriage??? In your fifth paragraph, you talk about the importance of marriage and why people are careful in this regard. You also talk about people, who because of commitment in marriage, are not marrying as giving we ak excuses. I would have loved to hear more on that. In your last paragraph, you urge your single friends (the readers, I guess, including me) to get into this matrimonial relationship. I think you did a pretty good job there! You say, ýIt is all about holding those hands and feeling that magic.ý I donýt know up to what point is that true but I donýt quite agree with what you say. How about all those divorces that happen? You did not even contribute a paragraph to make counterarguments when I think you were talking about how marriage gives you freedom. Anyway, it was nice going over your essay, and I basically enjoyed it. Once again, I have no intentions to attack you personally, but just few comments as a silent reader. Hope to hear back from you if you wish to defend your points. Letýs make it a healthy one. Overall, you have done a good job (although I am no one to make comment on a guy who is a lot senior than me, I am guessing!!) Don't have much time to go over other articles. Gotta write a paper nowý.. Tocqueville Vs. Marxý
 
Posted on 10-11-04 12:20 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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I like the fact that you donýt seem to be experimenting with the words; your words are quite simple and put to good use. I somewhere read the phrase ýscare the hell out of me,ý which I think is too colloquial; my English professor wouldnýt like that. Again, all with good intentionsý. Really gotta go nowý.
 
Posted on 10-11-04 12:44 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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^You need a life. Real Bad.
 
Posted on 10-11-04 10:21 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Oh yea, Mr. Rameshbabu. Thank you for reminding that. I was expecting someone to write some comments in response to what I had written or in response to the article. But you seem to be one of those who write here just for the sake of writing.
 
Posted on 10-12-04 12:32 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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" need a life' hmmmm i is never unnerstanning what need a them life meaning. how can you need a life when you already have a life? or , you think the person is dead? if the person is dead then who's writing in sajha? ghost? spirit? bhoot? hmmmmm I is also no unnersatning why ppl always say them need them lifes. Just because the other person does not belive what you are saying means he needs to get a life? Sajha readers besides Ashu dai, and Oys ji are all show offs. I think sajha readers need to realize that it's not words but the idea that makes an article worth reading for auidence. Lots of readers in here seem to judge an article with the contents of complicated words and sophisticated writing style. Shakespear died a long time ago guys.. wake up.. it's 21st century. people try to be simple and up to the point. So CUT THE CRAP AND GET TO THE POINT. Sajha readers need to seriously be relistic and not hesitate to comment on good articles and bunch of Jargons based on person opinions with some word crafts. I think the articles should be to enlighten or educate people, give them knowledge, express them what unique you think- not someting that confuse the heck out of them. So writers: focus on points and ideas more than googling for dead words. now, i think the easiest way to shut me up would be to tell me to get a life huh?? ok ok.. i'll go try to find my life before you even tell me to go find it.. happy?? takeecareooooo
 
Posted on 10-12-04 12:35 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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btw, that article about encouriging to get marriage was a big bull... i see no valid point why people shoudl get married, and why is he advocating for marriage. fine, it worked for him, so be happy.. man that guy even got so serious at one point that he said single guys ar losers... dyammm....
 
Posted on 10-12-04 12:36 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Posted on 10-12-04 12:57 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Posted on 10-12-04 9:55 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Good point dyam!! Using complicated words doesnýt necessarily make your essay better nor will the useless ramblings. However, that doesnýt mean you should stop trying. I would love to read some more articles from the ýaccomplished writersý of Sajha. Hope they wonýt mind my commenting on their essays. Anyway, even the best of writers, make sure that their work is read and critiqued by significant number of people. And ramesbabu, if you keep on acting like an ass, this will be the last time you will ever get my attention. I have many things to worry about than argue with fools.
 
Posted on 10-12-04 12:54 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Posted by HawJugi- "And ramesbabu, if you keep on acting like an ass, this will be the last time you will ever get my attention." That is an impressive threat.
 
Posted on 10-12-04 4:15 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Hawguji: I thank you for reading and commenting on that piece.Your suggestions(constructive ones) are positively taken.That was/is my view on that topic at a certain point of time.It may or may not remain same over time.It was addressed to "those singles who want to get married but fear commitments".There is not a single view (idea) in this world that can satisfy the whole population.There always will be people who agree and others who disagree.I don't necessarily expect you or anyone else to agree/disagree with me on any of those points.What's the fun of expressing something without being commented afterall?That's all I have to say to you. Dyamn: You had already expressed your etreme disagreement with it a few weeks ago.I have already answered you. DP.
 
Posted on 10-12-04 6:21 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Who else but the dumbest of Sajha would have a gripe with Shakespeare. "Dead Words!" Simpleton! Hey Dyambo, ever heard of a dictionary?
 
Posted on 10-12-04 9:30 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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DP bro, i was rich then and i am poor now, but i was happier when i was rich then i was poor... get the idea..if not forget it ..
 


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