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 Having Babies

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Posted on 12-20-12 12:42 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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I dont know why nepali people cannot understand individual right to prefer not to have babies. It does not mean a person is sterile. It may mean that the person is practical and does not want a burden to raise a baby in these expensive times. Many people have kids just because they find it awww so cute. For me that is not good enough a reason. Many others want their family name to move on thus they have kids. And there are others who think that kids will look after them in their old age. For me, i tend to think who cares about a family name after you are gone. And what guarantee is that kids will look after you in your old age in these modern times? 
So i have decided not to have kids. The population of the world is exploding. There are 7 billion people. I am doing others a favour by making a few less competitors for the resources. So Thank Me! It is because of guys like me your kids will have some more resources. More Water, More Rice. I know someone who has 4 kids. She finds kids cute. Of course they are. But there is no need to give birth to 4 kids to prove that. There are so many orphans and homeless kids. One can also adopt!. Stop and think my friends! I am not discouraging anyone here. It is just that many people seem to be so focussed on the "get married have kids" lifestyle that they cannot see or understand any alternative. This is so very true for asian people. 
 
Posted on 12-20-12 12:49 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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 Our reason for not having baby (we been married for 6 yrs n we both r 30) is that we dont need something else in our lif to keep us happy (or is most cases sad)..... seen too many couples struggling a lot with having...... 
We r happy the way we are... just want this to last forever.................... its not tht we dont like babies, we do..... we look after our nephews a lot of time.... but definately dont want baby for 24 X7 for next 18 (possibly more) years...... Life is as good as it gets for us...
 
Posted on 12-20-12 1:03 PM     [Snapshot: 63]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Though I m not married, I plan to have my heart go walking around outside my body right after 9 months !!
 
Posted on 12-20-12 1:13 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Agreed absolutely.
I have no problem with 1-2, but anything more than that is a crowd. Let us look at the population of Nepal itself, we are about the size of florida but with more than 26 million, texas is more than 3 times bigger than Nepal and has less people than Nepal. Population is the white elephant that nobody wants to talk about, instead they keep blaming completly on global warming, cars, naural resourses. The supply and demand of earth resources is completly off balance because of human population, yet these environmentalist themselves have 5 kids, nobody seem to point a finger at that. He can talk big and fight for the cause as much as he wants, but if he only had ONE baby instead of 5, his talking and fighting would not be necessary. 4 of his baby will consume a whole lot of resources in their lifetime.

Now, with Nepali it is even worse. We are expected to have babies for various reason, one being simply to prove that you are not sterile, how sad. Society make people think like that. And the worse, people keep on trying to have a son when they already have 5 daughters. We seriuosly need to keep a cap on how many kids we can have. I admire China's one child policy, I used to oppose it in the beginning.
I think, the Hindu-Buddhist religion is very bad when it comes to adoptions and it is one of the main reason people were never encouraged or even brought up to think about. But yet, we go about how the "governmant" should help those street kids. If only people had the conscious to help an orphan by giving him a life and support to raise him/her, our population will be checked and our moral will have been better. But, not, we instead want to go around injecting our useless sperm and bring another useless human being on this earth. Where do we get those values, look up and down-China-India.

My personal story: I want to adopt a baby from Nepal but it has been banned by the state department for a while and still as of today, they are not processing any paper from Nepal. Why? There has been many report and complaint to the US State Department of foul plays i.e selling babies from Nepal without the consent of the parents, pure business. I might end up adopting from somewhere else. Plese do not blame me for not trying. In Nepal and Nepali, there is no room for someone who want to do something good. It's a moral less society.
Last edited: 20-Dec-12 01:22 PM

 
Posted on 12-20-12 1:30 PM     [Snapshot: 81]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I respect folks’ personal choices. I am a father, and I have discovered myself being very happy now than before. We are happily married couple, yet it is very different when you have a child. I do not necessarily agree with the reasons provided, if it was for me, but everyone is different and free to be so.

But what I admire the comments so far is that you all are questioning ‘Why Not’. In our cultures, people live their whole lives only to keep their family, or the society at large, happy. The family values of the East is a treasure, I am not discrediting that. Personal happiness is also something. What Nepalese people tend to disgrace Westerners as ‘too individualists’ or right out ‘selfish’, one would have to recognize that they were not historically this way. Any reasonable person would be asking how did these societies evolve this way they way they did, and perhaps deduce a trajectory of future of our great Nepalese culture. 

Bravo to mavericks!


 
Posted on 12-20-12 1:35 PM     [Snapshot: 119]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Good on you Gyanguru for thinking outside the box. It takes guts to put your foot down and beat the stereotypes sometimes. I am sure you get questions all the time.
So very true Vhootee, it pains me to see the Have Nots in Nepal tagging along 4-5 kids. The father must not have seen Spiderman and therefore he doesnt know that with great power comes great responsibility. It is also sad that no focus has been put on such behaviours by our government. I do not want a law for it though but rather education and make these fools realise the obvious. A law would be too harsh. I agree religion plays a big part.  It is all shocking. Very few think of mother earth and her problems. We can do a lot if only we all used our brains.


 
Posted on 12-20-12 1:51 PM     [Snapshot: 214]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 @freedom2012: If your prime source of knowledge in making decisions is movies or videogames, then I have nothing to say. But, again, kudos to 'free will'. 
 
Posted on 12-20-12 2:01 PM     [Snapshot: 234]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Why do you say that Eutaby?
You said you are a father, then you should be happy with me. Because of my decision, your kids will have more resources to live on. And then their kids will also benefit. So where is the acrimony that i trace coming from?
 
Posted on 12-20-12 2:09 PM     [Snapshot: 196]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 freedom2012 , I totally agree with you. And I have also decided not to have any kids. I am kinda glad that you raised this thread. 
 It was one of the big thing I have been thinking for the past few years. People have kids without even a single thought,  thats why we are over 7 billions in this planet. It just took about 200 years to add more than 6 billion people in Earth. Some people have kids just because they think they are supposed to. People who have more than 1 kid knowing all these is completely stupid and selfish. I don't see a single reason to have kid. All I see is selfish reasons to have kids. Some people get married just to have kids. Some keep having kids until they have a son in their family. 
I always ask myself do I want to be born again after I die ? My answer is always NO. If I don't want to be born than I don't think I should give births to others. 
 
 
Posted on 12-20-12 2:15 PM     [Snapshot: 237]     Reply [Subscribe]
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When I told my relative that I did not want to have kids they went around telling everybody that I cannot have kids. So I am going to mind my own business and let people talk. Fortunately for me, my husband does not want kids either.
 
Posted on 12-20-12 2:26 PM     [Snapshot: 284]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Interesting. But if every couple starts thinking the way Freedom2012 and gyanguru did, there will be  no baby/kid left in the world to be adopted. That means couple who can not have a baby of their own for some physiologican reasons but love to raise a kid very much will have difficulty finding a baby to adopt. So, theoretically it will not work and people will be forcefully driprived of fatherhood and motherhood.:)

In Nepal and even in developed countries i come across the statement like : One of the causes of underdevelopment is overpopulation. And over population is due to many reasons, among which, one is mentioned as: "Because in a life of low material gratification , raising children is among the few joys and delights one can have in underdeveloped countries". Some even say, because of less access to recreational facitlites people are more involved in 'love making' as a substitute. This may be true to some extent :). Nepal ma Load shedding ko asar dherai bachha janminchan re, yo gaf nai ho ki kasaile research gareko ho thaha chaina :) BUT the former reason of " material gratification low bhayera teslai joys that comes from raising a child le substitue garne" is ridiculous. Saying in Economists' way : utility you get from raising a photocopy of yourself is not achievable by any mateiral commodity for many people.

 
Posted on 12-20-12 2:45 PM     [Snapshot: 352]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Here is a typical conversation with fellow Nepali regarding this subject

Ram Bahadur: "You don't want kids?"
Me: "Yes, I want to adopt"
Ram Bahadur : "Why"
Me : "Because I it is my belief"
Ram Bahadur :"Why"
Me : "I choose not to. I want to help somebody instead"
Ram Bahadur : "Why"
Me: "Ram Ji. Nice meeting you"

Halo Ji
I understand. I've been through it all. My family & neighbours all think I'm infertile and have some sort of disease. I just ask  to myself "What have we come to as a society?" and so I move on. Just avoid such crowd and keep the conversation simple and short. You can't change a person's belief and the culture over night.



 
Posted on 12-20-12 2:49 PM     [Snapshot: 292]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@freedom2012: I am not mad. You notice all the admirations that I have poured on you? :)
Believe me, what you have raised is a very heavy question. This is someting I see people changing there stands all the timesas they go through episodes in life....going from a family man to 'jogi' or from a happy single man to bitter and lonely with a lot of regretts. 


 
Posted on 12-20-12 2:55 PM     [Snapshot: 352]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Hi Nepalilaure,
the converse is also true though. If everyone start NOT thinking like me and gyanguru, then there will be an oversupply of kids. And there is already an oversupply. I am not suggesting adoption as an alternative to having kids but rather the idea of having a kid, whether adopted or blood related need not be fancied by all. There are no written rules that everyone MUST have a kid. There is freedom of choice. And these days it is economical not to have children. If one explores the reasons, even if you are super rich and your wealth can sustain future generations it still can make civic sense not to have children. At times, it can make moral sense. I love kids too. I have donated to charities what i can afford to help kids in poor countries. There are other things we can do to show our love. And we will be doing mother Earth a favour also. It is funny you suggested if everyone adopts then parents might be deprived. Do you even realise how many orphans are out there?  Of course there will always be people reproducing, it is not rocket science you know.
 
Posted on 12-20-12 3:10 PM     [Snapshot: 440]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 I knew a lady who had 4 kids. One day I ask her why she had so many kids ( for me that was so many, may be not for some), she instantly replied me "because it is fun to make them". I didn't know what to say. I was shocked to hear that. I was thinking how many people in this world think the same way this lady does. 



 
Posted on 12-20-12 3:15 PM     [Snapshot: 460]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I think it's sort of selfish of couples to get babies just because their life starts to get boring. They get tired of each other and doing things so next thing to do is get some kids so they can raise them.

 
Posted on 12-20-12 3:26 PM     [Snapshot: 440]     Reply [Subscribe]
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freedom2012,
Altruism and selflessness in any form are always good things. I also donate to things which help kids in their health and education. Perhaps you can donate more as you do not have your own. But, if you portray the people who have their own child as selfish as opposed to those who adopt or who do not raise a kid at all, it sounds not so right. Man by nature is a selfish creature. For many people the satisfaction they get by raising a child is never comparable with what can do to make 'mother earth' a better place instead by donating the wealth to raise kids who are in need. I have met couple of people who are not being able to bear a baby, they are well educated and it seems they understand the happiness a orphan child gets if they adopt one. Instead of doing this, they  desperately need a baby of their own. And they are even ready to donate all the wealth to a charity if someone can help them on this. NOt all the people are that desperate, but eveyone has some portion of selfishness.   Actually my objection was towards the generic statement of "raising child in underdeveloped countries substitues the material gratification which they can not afford".

 
Posted on 12-20-12 3:38 PM     [Snapshot: 498]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nepalilaure,
I am sorry. I do not seek to discredit people who have kids. I am simply encouraging people to think outside the box. And for others to support such ideas. For example laure bro, if any of your relatives thinks outside the box, do not discourage him/her. That is my purpose. As you have seen by the testimonials above that ours is a stupid society where herd mentality is praised. Society needs to understand that people like myself who favour not to have kids by choice are happy and contented people.

Monkey bro,
I hope some day in the near future when we both talk about a lady with 4 kids, we are talking about the same person.
 
Posted on 12-20-12 3:51 PM     [Snapshot: 538]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Ofcourse freedom2012, I have seen people who are very happy without a kid. If it a well thought choice of both the partners, they will be happy for ever. And, I even encourage people who can not have a baby of their own to adopt. That will make them double happy, a baby gets a home and they can be father/mother. But, not all the people agree on that, they desperately need one of their own. And, I think that is also not abnormal. "Coming out of the box" is for the to-be grandparents. Dont care about what other say. It is the 4 people [bau, ama and sasu sasura] that you need to bring out of the box. If there is some 'hurt' or 'pain' element because of you not having a baby, it is inside 4 of them.

 
Posted on 12-20-12 4:05 PM     [Snapshot: 580]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 FREEDFOMEOIZZIZIZIZI you are STERILE!!! :)
 



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