I was thinking about getting married, I looked up the word "engaged" in the dictionary.

It said, "To do battle with the enemy."

Then I looked up for mother-in-law It said, "See engaged."

lmao. I looked up for word "honey" to get hooked with.

It said, "Idiot come back when you have enough money" :D:P


Jai Hawos

A man inserted an ad in the classified: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home.
I went over. Nobody was home.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

:)

Ok, here is a true one from one of my kindergartners:


"When daddies marry daddies, there are no babies. When mommies marry mommies, there are too many crying babies!"

haha nice one sitara, aka kalam wali bai,

r u thinking of marrying a mommy and letting this baby cry or what?? :(

Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?

Scared the hell out of the dog.

*********

What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?

They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!!

**********
What happened when Jesus went up to Mount Olive?

Popeye beat him up.

********
He who laughs last doesn't get the joke.
********

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time.
Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it but only you can feel it's warmth

hahahaha.....that was a nice one KoHoTyo


Sardarji to Salesman: I Need Pink curtains for my computer.

Salesman to Sardarji: Computer Doesnt Need Curtains.

Sardarji: Oye i have windows installed.

Safed Sari Par Tum Lal Bindi Lagati Ho,
Khuda Kasam Ambulance Nazar Aati Ho,
Vo Ghayal Ko Lekar Jati Hai,
Tum Ghayal Kar Jati Ho!!!

The bus stops at Singhadurbar.

The bus conductor shouts "Singhadurbar!".

Sardar jee: Oye balle balle! Mera naam singh durbar nahi, mera naam to Durbar Singh hay!

The bus stops at Singhadurbar.

The bus conductor shouts "Singhadurbar!".

Sardar jee: Oye balle balle! Mera naam singh durbar nahi, mera naam to Durbar Singh hay!

There are a post called "wife needed"
And he wrote : handsome nepali, makes money, lives in CA, came to US as a student, had a pic, family background etc etc.......

There wasnt a single reply to his post.


After few days, there was another post "wife needed"
ANd he wrote: green card holder.

Boom........Next day, there was sooo many replys..........

:0

Pease Out
Too lazy to check the typos, plz figure out ur self.

So, two Irishmen walk out of a bar......
>.........like that might ever happen!
>
>Irish Prayer """"""""""""
>Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he
>slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet
>running down his leg.
>
>"Please Lord," he implored, "let it be blood!!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"Irish Shopping"
>
> """""""""""""""""
>
>McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time
>removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with
>olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
>
>"S' cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had
>done, "what was that all about?"
>
>"Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of
>olives!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"You've Been Out Drinking Again"
>
> """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
>
>An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender
>finally said that the bar is closing.
>
>So the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his face. He tried to
>standone more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get
>some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
>
>Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to
>crawl the four blocks home.
>
>When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face. He
>crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he
>tried one more time to stand up. This time
>he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed
>and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
>
>He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him,
>shouting,
>
>"SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"
>
>Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said,
>"What makes you say that?"
>
>"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"I've Lost Me Luggage"
>
> """"""""""""""""""""""""""
>
>An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with
>tears streaming down his cheeks.
>
>An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
>
>"No," replied the Irishman. "I've lost all me luggage!"
>
>"How'd that happen?"
>
>"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
>
> """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
>
>"Water to Wine"
>
> """"""""""""""""""
>
>An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
>speeding in Connecticut.
>
>The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an
>empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
>
>He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
>
>"Just water," says the priest.
>
>The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
>
>The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"The Reunion"
>
> """""""""""""""
>
>A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he
>could buy him a drink.
>
>"Why, of course," comes the reply.
>The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"
>"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
>The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's
>have another round to Ireland."
>
>"Of course," says the second. Curious, the first asks:
>"Where in Ireland?"
>"Dublin," comes the reply.
>"I can't believe it, Me too! Lets have another round of drinks to
>Dublin."
>
>"Of course" The second man can't help himself so he asks, "What school did
>you attend?"
>"Saint Mary's", replies the first man. "I graduated in '62."
>"This is becoming unbelievable!!!" They say in union.
>About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the
>bar.
>
>"What's up?" he asks the bartender.
>
>"Nothing much," replied the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk
>again!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"The Brothel"
>
> """"""""""""""
>
>Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across
>the street.
>
>They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them
>said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
>
>Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye,
>'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation."
>
>Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the
>Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be quite
>ill."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>"Lost at Sea"
>
> """""""""""""
>
>Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a
>dramatic escape from a burning freighter.
>
>While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an
>old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp
>vigorously.
>
>To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular
>genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the
>standard three.
>
>Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the
>entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"
>
>The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the
>entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
>
>Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of
>Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their
>circumstances.
>
>Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
>
>After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now
>we're going to have to pee in the boat."

Here is another one. Too funny..................:)



Why Do Men Die First??
>
>This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries ...... but, now
>we
>know.
>
>
>If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat
>race...
>you're a male chauvinist.
>
>If you stay home and do the housework...you're a pansy.
>
>If you work too hard...there's never any time for her.
>
>If you don't work enough...you're a good-for-nothing bum.
>
>If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay..this is exploitation.
>
>If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay.....you should get off
>your
>lazy behind and find something better
>
>If you get a promotion ahead of her....that is favoritism.
>
>If she gets a job ahead of you.....it's equal opportunity.
>
>If you mention how nice she looks......it's sexual harassment.
>
>If you keep quiet..........it's male indifference.
>
>If you cry............you're a wimp.
>
>If you don't........ you're an insensitive bastard.
>
>If you make a decision without consulting her.........you're a chauvinist.
>
>If she makes a decision without consulting you......she's a liberated
>woman.
>
>If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy....... that's domination.
>
>If SHE asks you..........it's a favor
>
>If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear......you're a
>pervert.
>
>If you don't.............you're gay.
>
>If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape......you're sexist.
>
>If you don't................you're unromantic.
>
>If you try to keep yourself in shape................you're vain.
>
>If you don't..............you're a slob.
>
>If you buy her flowers............you're after something.
>
>If you don't....................you're not thoughtful.
>
>If you're proud of your achievements.........you're full of yourself.
>
>If you don't....................you're not ambitious.
>
>If she has a headache............she's tired.
>
>If you have a headache.............you don't love her anymore.
>
>If you want it too often.........you're oversexed.
>
>If you don't................there must be someone else.
>
>Men die first because they want to.

Here is one more. So much for today. Enjoy folks !


Sam and Edith were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years.
>
> Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they
>watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good
>health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise
>for the last decade.
>
>One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare
> vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
>
>They reached the pearly gates, and there an escort was waiting to show them
> inside.
>
>He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with
>a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.
>
>And their favorite clothes hanging in the closet. They gasped in
>astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."
>
>Sam asked how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," their
>companion replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."
>
> Sam looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf
>course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth.
>
>"What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man. "This is heaven," the
>companion replied. "You can play for free, everyday."
>
>Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every
> imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to
>exotic deserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said their
>companion to Sam. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."
>
>The old man looked around and glanced nervously at Edith. "Well, where are
>the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he
>asked.
>
>"That's the best part," the companion replied. "You can eat and drink as
>much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick.
>This is Heaven!"
>
> Sam pushed, "No gym to work out at?" "Not unless you want to," was the
>answer. "No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."
>
>"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
>
>Sam glared at Edith and said, "You and your damn bran muffins! We could
>have been here 15 years ago!"

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper,"

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn`t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don`t feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that." Replied the nonchalant husband.

"Then why on Earth did you invite a friend for supper?" said the infuriated wife.

"Because the poor fool`s thinking about getting married."

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."
"This will be noted."

Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.

The phone rings at Tom's house.
"Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yeah they did."
"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."