Posted by: STUPIDA August 8, 2016
Infertility and Adoption
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It would be unfair if I tell you that I understand what you and your spouse went through and the current state. We had to deal with it too and then miracle happen. I will get back to it in a bit. But before that, I want to mention few things.
We know that many of these infertilities cannot be explained. Some may be hereditary and others can be due to the way a women body was build (internally some organs missing or some organs not growing fully functional) and others can be due to various reason. I am not a Doctor or medical student by profession but all these were acquired during our research and the period that we had to deal with. In our case, it was an unexplained reason. We went to 3 doctors and no one could explain why. But there were some other factors involved too. My wife in her late twenties and early thirties were showing sign of early menopause and thus her hormones were very low and not producing enough eggs. Her Mom had suffered early menopause too. We tried almost for 2-3 years going from one place to another. She never discussed it with any-one. Because of her, I didn’t even tell my parents and she never said it too. And I respected her decision after all it was more important to her than me. We finally told our parents after 2 years when we visited Nepal. And she didn’t like the idea of adopting a baby too (she had her reason and its personal so I will leave this to it) But I was OK with it.
I know the emotional and physiological toll. I will never forgot the day when we first went to our 1st doctor for lab test results and my wife leaning on me with tears dropping from her both eyes when she heard that she might not be able to become mom on her own. She was given two medication (I believe it was called something like progesterone and estrogen), something similar to a birth control pills but without the birth-control part because of her low hormones. Without those she never had her periods correctly in a timely fashion.
Beginning year 2013, we had already finalized the Infertility center and had started looking into possible donor. Money was set aside too for the treatment. I know the financial burden and cost is nothing compared to emotional and physical toll, but still it’s a large amount. And many insurance doesn’t cover it or at least in my case it didn’t.
Then came the greatest happy news of our life when she missed few days of her cycle. The pregnancy test came positive and now we have 2 and half years that is making our life more miserable. But we love the little mischief monkey to death.
Not sure if sharing our story will ease your pain and provide any comfort. But this was very personal to us and thought about writing it, which I usually don’t do in Sajha.
I do understand that this is very sensitive topic and people don’t like to share. But this is how I look into it. This is not something you did wrong and trying to hide from people because they will judge you. I do also understand that back home things are not as forward as western culture. But for me, no matter what you do you will always find people pointing fingers at you. Ignore those people. You cannot change them. You will find similar people here too. But share with your close ones and family and friends and talk about it. You will feel light. For me, I look it this way – there are certain things in this life that you will not have although it is in your top priority list. You have done enough on your part and worked hard for it. I know results were different and not the one you wished for, But at some point we have to realize that and learn to accept the outcome. There is nothing wrong in adoption. My lead (co-worker) actually adopted 2 kinds -now 5 and 7 and his wife had no issues nor had he. They just wanted to adopt. My Director had a similar story. When I shared mine with me (because I had to take off for my spouse DR’s visit), he shared his.

I think you are moving in right direction. Take break and rest. Do things that you enjoy and when time is right, discuss with your partner. I know there will be days where you will feel low about it and think about it and feel sad. Thats OK, it is just one of the way human cope with things like this.

I hope in writing all this, I didn't made it worse. My intensions are right. Please enjoye life and make peace with time.
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