When I opened my eyes yesterday morning, I had a sad heart. I reluctantly reached up to my phone on hearing the sound that indicated the arrival of a new text message…but tossed it away quickly to the other side of the bed without even glancing at the screen. Well I couldn’t muster up the enthusiasm to check it. What I did check was the clock hanging on the wall across my bed, to realise that it was 8.05 already. After a long time, I missed being cocooned in my mother’s embracement today. On this gloomy morning overloaded with despair…it felt like there was a void in my heart and as though my energy was vacuumed up.

My roommate had already showered herself with that ill-grandma-like smelling perfume by now. She couldn’t stop blabbering about the incredible plans (according to her) for yesterday…despite of my persistent “I’m NOT interested” gestures. Later she blew bubble from the gum after her “I’ve a boyfriend and you’ve a broken heart” look. The repeated sound of her dangling bangles was making me sick in the ears. I didn’t turn around from my bed to look at her but I bet she must have looked like a clown with that make-up heaped face. Seriously, only she has the time to roam around the city in this scorching sun with a guy who she sees almost every day just because it’s the beginning of another lame year. Or sitting up across a table and making googly eyes at each other for no specific reasons. I’d rather spend all my day eating the remnants of the jumbo-jelly I bought 2 days back…watching back to back movies in my pyjamas and undone hair.

It was my birthday the day before. Yes, I was born at the end of the year. Two and a half decade of my existence has passed. “You’ll always be the last in everything”, my brother never failed to tease me. Whenever this happened my father came to my rescue. He said that though I was born at the end, I brought new beginning to our family. Papa always takes pride in acknowledging everyone that his business prospered after I was born and that I was the soul of our family. And I get all snugly into his arms.

How I am lucky to be born where I really belong?

Now coming back to the part of my sad heart story. Has anyone felt your heart crumbling inside your chest? Like one day you wake up and realise that someone who was the most vital part of your life has suddenly decided to not be a part of it anymore. No explanations, no goodbyes. What do you do then? Of course, life never stops with one person leaving. But that very moment when you feel like your feelings have been stepped upon as though they were cigarette butts. What do you do then?

“Kalu, happy new year!” my sister called all the way up from Melbourne.

If it were a hangover, coffee or lemonade would’ve done fine. If it were a fractured leg, the cast would completely heal it in few months. But I’ve a bruised heart. No band aid would help it recover.  So tell me what’s so happy about this New Year?