Great storytelling. Havent read much of you, and dont know if this is your best yet (as others may have pointed out) but I will certainly be looking to read more from you.

You've got that ability to catch people's attention. Like the "xxxxxxxxxxxx" to show that the plot changed, like words to garner sudden interest (e.g. a person from Nepal listening to Tom Waits) and increase the cool factor by x, plots to target a specific case that will get people criticising and in essence talking about it. You are a rockstar in writing and if it were to get to box-office you would achieve it.

Also you use a lot of quotes. The way I read such stories is read it out loud. Feels lively, and yes sometimes some dialogues will seem pretentious and some sentences will seem clumsy, but that is the beauty of writing meant for oral presentation. 

You deserve a like, and Gluck for the winning. More so, please write often.