She hurriedly finished her kitchen chores and rushed to sit in front of the computer. She switched it on. It felt like the computer was taking unusually long time to boot.

“I should have asked Binesh to get a new computer when he was here last Dashain,” she murmured.

After making some creaking and screeching sounds, the old Pentium III computer finally got ready. She slowly followed the instructions written down on a piece of paper and logged into the messenger. She peered through her thick glasses searching for her son in the msn list.

This has been her daily routine since her only son moved abroad for studies. In spite of the load shedding in the town, she always managed to steal few minutes to come online to chat with him. She was thankful to the modern technology with which she could stay in contact with her son living thousands of miles away from home. But tonight, she could not find him online.

“He did promise to come online tonight. May be he dozed off in front of the computer waiting for me. It is already past midnight there. I should have finished the cooking earlier.” She always felt the time difference so annoying. When she could get free from her household chores it would already be past midnight at her son’s place.

She opened her hotmail account with a hope that Binesh might have dropped her message. But it was empty too.

“Perhaps, he is busy with his work,” she tried to console herself.

She browsed through older emails in her inbox. It was her and her husbands favorite past time to read and re-read Binesh’s emails. Occasional photographs that he attached in his emails would always bring smiles to their faces. She opened his latest email with his photographs attached.

“You have put on some weight,” she smiled.

Time has flown so fast. It has already been 15 years since Binesh left home for his studies. Their happiness was limitless when he had announced that he got a scholarship to study abroad. It was dream come true for the whole family. She had boasted to her relatives that her son was going abroad for study that too with a scholarship. It was not that she was not proud anymore. She was still very happy for his progress. She still never missed to exaggerate about his achievements whenever she was in a gathering. And she secretly smiled when her relatives envied about it.

But in spite of all this, somewhere buried deep inside her heart, was her wish that her son one day returns back to live with them. Without him around, there was a kind of emptiness in the house and in her heart. Her eyes often got watered when she saw her neighbors happily enjoying dinner with their children around them.

She did mention to Binesh about settling down in Nepal during his last visit.

“It is difficult to find any job for me here anymore. There I have a good job and good pay. Besides, the country is no more like it used to be. I would love to stay with you all. But…” Binesh had simply brushed off her idea.

“He is not wrong too. The country is no longer the same. Things have changed. It is not safe as it used to be. He will not get a job that suits his qualifications. Moreover, how would he survive with eight hours of daily load shedding?” she had comforted herself.

She had always been a strong lady. With her husband always busy with office works, it was her who brought up Binesh single handedly. She used to meticulously juggle her office and family and yet she always used to carry a smile in her face. But that was long time back. She had already retired now and with plenty of time in hand, she often wished that she could go back to those golden days when her family was intact.

She still hated to admit that she is getting old. But she knew it very well that she is weaker than she used to be. Her back ace seemed to get worse every passing day. Doctor’s had no answers to her leg pain either. Years of hard work seemed to have weathered her husband as well. Even she felt that her husband had suddenly grown old in the last couple of years.

“Perhaps I should again try to convince Binesh to move back to home,” she thought to herself. “He sure can find a work here or even he can start a small business. After all, so many people are having a good life here as well,” she started planning.

“Hey, you are again dreaming in front of the Computer.” Her husband’s voice brought her crashing back to the reality.

“There has been an incident. The news says that there was another bomb blast in the center of the city. 7 people were hurt. Thank god no one was killed. I just don’t understand where this country is heading to,” he lamented while walking out of the room.

The news shattered all the plans she had been weaving.

“It is good that Binesh stays abroad,” she whispered with a heavy heart. Her hands hurriedly started to type him an email:

Dear Babu

Subha Ashirbad

I hope your work is going fine. Take care of your health. You just concentrate on your work and be happy wherever you are. You do not need to worry about us. Both of us are very fine here.

Do write emails sometimes. We love reading your emails.

Your mom