[Show all top banners]

Passer By
Replies to this thread:

More by Passer By
What people are reading
Subscribers
:: Subscribe
Back to: Stories / Essays / Literature Refresh page to view new replies
 The Boy with a Thought
[VIEWED 3837 TIMES]
SAVE! for ease of future access.
Posted on 05-01-14 3:24 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
Login in to Rate this Post:     1       ?     Liked by
 


“Who wants to hear my story? Raise your hands!” I imagined asking.

The one hand, maybe the only hand, that goes up would be hers. She often asked about my past but other than what slipped out in dribs and drabs, she did not know very much else about me.

It wasn't that she was too nosy. She probably wanted to know where I was from, what my family was like, where I went to school, when I came to America, where I worked, what my hobbies were, where I traveled, what I read, what games I played. Things you ask of anyone you want to know better.

The thing is I was not good at talking about those kinds of things. It was not that I had anything to hide. But I did not want to be pre-judged. Not so much out of fear but to avoid the inconvenience of being judged. I mean the moment you open your mouth, people will want to know which neighborhood you are from, your social status and so on to size you up and either love you or hate you. They will judge you not on your accomplishments but on the circumstances your birth, something you no hand in choosing.

Let’s say you talk about your dog. Upper middle class. And a city boy. Your horse? Palatial aristocrat. Your cow? Poor. Country bumpkin.

See?

Our shallow selves come out when someone opens their lives to us. Being judgmental is only human. But being shallow in your judgement is what makes us the low-life scumbags that most of us are but pretend not to be.

I regret not having shared more with her. We broke up before she got to know me well enough. If she knew me better who knows what might have happened.

I think she loved me. The thing is I am no good with love and emotions. Feelings don’t really make much sense to me. I liked girls. For sex, not love. I know half the people reading this will judge me, but that’s okay, please feel free to do so. I don’t care. You are entitled to your opinions and feelings.

We met on Sajha chat. I messaged her. We became Facebook friends. She was cute. We met often. She wanted to get closer, talked about a life together and wanted me to open up about mine. That’s when I started feeling suffocated. She kept calling and messaging several times a day. She would call at work. Message me in the gym. She was everywhere in my day. I could not handle the magnitude of the attention.

She was a great girl in every other way. Beautiful, kind, gentle, forgiving, loving. Liked to cook, stay home with kids, write short stories, plant flowers and vegetables. Everything a traditional guy like me could ask for.

I was a coward. I ran away. Fled to another part of the country. She’s too short. Not pretty enough I told myself and anyone else who asked. The real reason, when I think of it now, was she was too good for me. I was more comfortable around girls with face piercings who shared a drag and got drunk with me. I was a drifter. What would a guy on my salary be able to offer her?

Ours was not the first story that started on Sajha. Nor will it be the last. I just wish I knew what love was back then to know that ours was not just any story, but a love story.

(sounds in the background)

That’s my wife in the kitchen. She is pretty and slender by most peoples standards. I fell for her looks. She is also a narcissistic, self-entitled, controlling bitch with an ego the size of Everest.

I know most people would say serves me right. But I wonder what she would say. Would she think I deserved better?
 
Last edited: 01-May-14 05:43 PM

 
Posted on 05-01-14 8:15 PM     [Snapshot: 175]     Reply [Subscribe]
Login in to Rate this Post:     0       ?    
 

Reminds me of what Proust said: "The only true paradise is paradise lost". We yearn for something that could have been but will never be ours.

Also, the Salingersque masculinity in the narrative voice is refreshing. A fearless and unapologetic male voice that is not afraid of being judged.
Last edited: 01-May-14 08:16 PM

 
Posted on 05-03-14 2:35 PM     [Snapshot: 308]     Reply [Subscribe]
Login in to Rate this Post:     0       ?    
 

Love the story.
 


Please Log in! to be able to reply! If you don't have a login, please register here.

YOU CAN ALSO



IN ORDER TO POST!




Within last 365 days
Recommended Popular Threads Controvertial Threads
What stocks to buy -- Any recommendation
TRUMP 2016!!! Here is why?
हेरेको तिमीलाइ आँखाले हैन।
जोडि त भाग्यले जुराउँछ - हिरोइन स्वेताले यसरि दोश्रो पटक बिहे गर्न लागिन
ॐ श्री स्वस्थानी ब्रत कथा
लौ .. संसद नै बिघठन गरिदिएछन ओलिबाले
Conservative discussions
🙏 दलाल स्ट्रिट 🙏
उस्तै उस्तै हामी
Looking for Potential Match
निर्लज्जताको बाढी आएको छ
Love Letters From The Past--SITARA
हाकिमनी संग- आज सुक्रबार -३
Ushering in new era of communism ...
Rain Rain .. Raut
श्राद्द
अन्तरद्वन्द
Fox News: Wear the Damn Mask, it is not political issue but a public health issue.
Photo of the day
Amby Writes:- My Caffeine Indulgence- I
Nas and The Bokas: Coming to a Night Club near you
विद्या तेरो सिन्दूर खोइ, केपी ओली तेरो पोइ ..
TRUMP 2016!!! Here is why?
NOTE: The opinions here represent the opinions of the individual posters, and not of Sajha.com. It is not possible for sajha.com to monitor all the postings, since sajha.com merely seeks to provide a cyber location for discussing ideas and concerns related to Nepal and the Nepalis. Please send an email to admin@sajha.com using a valid email address if you want any posting to be considered for deletion. Your request will be handled on a one to one basis. Sajha.com is a service please don't abuse it. - Thanks.

Sajha.com Privacy Policy

Like us in Facebook!

↑ Back to Top
free counters