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 XIV. Candid Verses: Election Impossible!
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Posted on 11-19-13 3:45 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Candid Verses: Election Impossible!
Ladies and Gentleman!

The impossible has happened in Nepal. The evil has almost been defeated. The courageous people of Nepal, braving the roadside booby traps and threats of violence, marched out in great numbers (supposedly highest in its history) and voted for the "same change" we all have been advocating every election. If the Nepali celebrities (aka Journalists) in twitter are to be believed, we have just planted the seeds of peace again. Yes, seems like a deja vu but that is our model democracy at work - where we vote for the same people again and again!

Frankly, I haven't really followed Nepali politics since last year, when Nepal's own favorite son, Obama, crushed his opponent in all the swing states and caused a frenzy in the streets of Kathmandu and Facebook alike. But when I saw our native to-be-savior, Gagan Thapa (GT), come up with colorful political manifestos supplemented with the rap duo, Girish and Pranil, I knew it was the change I was craving for. Previously, I had grossly underestimated GT, for his loyalty to a party that required a minimum life expectancy of 200 years, seemed illogical. But then, GT pulled off a heist through his marriage. I had always thought him to come with a more pensive solution, where GT would join hands with the so-called disillusioned youth, like the ones from the KUKUR party and be a hit among the KTM bourgeois, zombified with their smart phones and I-pads. Oh well!

So, just like our politicians, who visit the rural villages and forgotten mountains during the last month of the election, I have been visiting several states of US of late, where a group of disillusioned young, Nepali absentee voters (nearly 12 million I am told by UN estimates) live in posh neighborhoods, programming like automated robots, and contemplating whether they should get US citizenship or not. This group is immensely concerned about Nepal - for any change in government might transform the law so as to claim rights to their ancestral wealth. The bigger disillusioned group are rotting behind the counters of the gas stations in Texas, dish-washing in restaurants in New York, or getting tanned in Ocean City every summer where they day-dream everyday that the "Dream-Act" is no more a dream. Thanx to Obamacare, the republicans have found a more delicious fodder. 

The enlightened scholars in some rich Universities strive to be different. They host events by and for Nepalis, inviting washed up personnel and politicians from the bygone era, in a desperate measure to prove that Nepal has as much to offer as India and China, beyond our usual libidos of Everest and Buddha. Let me out a secret, my friends : I hate this third group the most! (Hey! its "candid verses" for a reason). No, not because they host these events, because they always order Indian food to these events. 

At the helm of every free and fair election in Nepal, is one person: JIMMY CARTER - whom we've made a vanguard of our democracy.

Poor chap! he's made it a point to land in Nepal every election. Smeared in vermilion powder and 200 lbs of garland, he must think it is Holi every time he lands. He barely has adjusted to the time-zone; they usher him to myriad villages around Nepal in less than 24 hours, where five girls in each village have rehearsed to put 200lbs of more garlands on him. Imagine the parents of these girls, having to bribe the district CDO, to make sure they get to touch the white guy (secretly hoping he'll spare some pocket change, but to no avail).
What else can he do? He's opened a god darn Peace Center in Nepal, that provides employment to frustrated US returnees, who couldn't land a job despite doing an internship at the world-bank. These are the intelligent "donor darlings," who have extensive experience at the grass-root levels. These are young soldiers of peace that will ensure voter participation through their dollar-fueled  multimedia campaigns. Did you know, some of these damsels even made it as far as the neighboring KTM villages to preach about the importance of voting, despite difficulty walking in their office heels. And hear me out: They did all this by talking to the locals in Nepali! Darn - I'm impressed!

Poor Carter! It won't be long before he leaves proudly acclaiming victory on behalf of all Nepalis through the free and fair election that will ensure peace and prosperity. Little does he know, as soon as he leaves, the swords will be out on him. Journalists will deride his failure to prevent violence in the remote-far west. The political parties, who lose by a landslide, will cry foul and evoke conspiracy theory, probably tying Carter to be a RAW agent or something. The NGOs that didn't cash in will call him interfering with Nepal's internal issues. I might just blame him for spreading the rumors of canceling the DV lottery!

But I'd like to give him a break! It is bad enough that he is recently voted as the worst president in US history. The dude is loyal to Nepal - more than Obama. At least he comes back every time to make sure the people have democracy here: where they get to vote at least once. At least he makes our seemingly democratic election impossible, possible!

Posted on 12-01-13 2:30 PM     [Snapshot: 299]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Maybe Gagan Thapa will bring Nepal its much needed hope and change #hopeful.
Posted on 12-02-13 12:30 AM     [Snapshot: 350]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Excellent as always.

Posted on 12-02-13 10:21 AM     [Snapshot: 440]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Always enjoy Lynx's satires and mastery of words. Good one.
Posted on 12-11-13 12:38 PM     [Snapshot: 545]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thanks for the good laugh. Spot-on social commentary.

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