A phone call

“I don’t wanna be... anything other than…” this is a song by Gavin DeGraw ,I liked it so much that now it’s the ring tone of my cell phone. And which is ringing continuously for 5 minutes now. I looked at my bed clock its 3 in the morning. I curse the stupid phone. Who could be such a stupid to call at 3 in the morning? I was still cursing when I picked up the phone. When I saw “Unknown” blinking on my cell screen, I knew it was from Nepal. Now my heart started to pound vigorously. My grand mom was very ill in Nepal and to get the call from Nepal at this time was not usual. With my heart still pounding I switch on my cell.

“Hello…”
“Karishma, How are you?”

This was the unknown voice from a lady. It was not from my parents. I was amazed.

“I m good, thank you. But sorry I can not recognize you. Who is this?”
There was a brief pause on the other side.
“This is Pooja. You don’t know me. I m friend of Jagdish.”

As soon as I heard that name, all those pain I had gone through came back again. I was numb.

“Karishma, are you there. Please say something. I know you are there. Say something.”
“Why have you called me?”
“I know you are very angry with Jagdish. I completely understand your frustration and your anger after what he had done to you. But today I have called you not to bring back all those pain you have gone through but to tell you….”

There was a pause and I could hear that the other person was crying. I was amazed. A girl from nowhere calls me and is saying thing about a person whom I hated most and now she is crying. This whole thing was not making any sense.

“Pooja, “Is there anything you want to tell me? If it is related to Jagdish then no thank you, I don’t want to hear anything. Bye.”

“Wait.” She shouted on the phone. So I listen what she was going to say.
“Karishma, Jagdish is no more. He is dead. He died an hour ago.”

This was the last thing I heard from that lady. I don’t know when she hanged up the phone. I was just standing there still holding phone near my ear although the person on the other end had already hung up the phone. Only the last sentence was ringing in my ear.

“Jagdish is no more. Dead. An hour ago.” These words are repeating in my head.
I put down the phone. And threw myself on bed. I felt nothing. No tears were running from my eyes. I was just staring. Staring beyond. I don’t know what my eyes were searching.
Two years down the lane I came to the United States. I was new and so was my surrounding. Like a doe emerging from the grove I was shy and was scared to death. I knew no one in this strange world. Then I remember an email address. It was of my net friend. He was in United States. He had once told me if I ever came to the United States just send him an email. So I went to the university library and sent him an email. I had not expected that he would reply me at all because we were not in contact with each other for couple of years. I doubted he remember me too. But next day when I checked my email I saw his email there. He did remember me and he had sent me his cell number so that I could give him a call. I wanted to talk to him so much but what to do I did not have any cell then. So just sat there staring at that phone number. God listened to my prayer and my roommate’s cousin gave us his cell phone that night. First, my roommate made a call to her sister in Texas. Then she gave that cell phone to me so that I could make a call. But I was unsure if I should call that person or not. With courage I called him. He was happy to hear my voice. We talked for an hour. And to our surprise he and my roommate used to study in same school and he was senior to her. My roommate knew him quite well.
Then onward our friendship started. He used to call me frequently on my roommate’s cell and we used to talk for hours and hours. I don’t remember what we used to talk but it was never enough for us. We crave for each other more and more. Without knowing we were in a relationship. We used to share each and everything. He was everything I had dreamt off. It was becoming awkward for me to always ask my roommate for cell to call him, so he sent me a cell phone. Now there was nothing that could stop us. We used to spend each of our spare minute talking with each other. Suddenly I no longer felt new and afraid of the United States. I got someone who could understand me and hold me when I was falling apart. We were having so much good time. Finally, we decided to meet. He was coming to meet me on our spring break. Thought of meeting him finally, used to bring smile on my face. As the day of our meeting came nearer so did our excitement. As I was living in a small village I always used to complain him that I could not get any “Achar” or any spices here. He was in Texas, so he started to do shopping. He used to call me when he was in grocery store and I used to tell him what he should bring. It was kind of fun. We were like married couple arguing upon small stuff while doing grocery. I was enjoying this intimacy.
Spring break came so did he. The first meeting was so precious. It was little awkward too. But it was not for long. He knew I loved teddy bears. So, he had brought me a cute teddy which was holding a heart. It was like a dream which come true. That one week of spring was the best of my life. We used to go for a long trip. Share each and every minute holding hand, kissing and embracing. We had built a small paradise out of that one week. We wanted to enjoy it as if there was no tomorrow. It never felt to me that I had just met him. Without knowing it was time for him to leave. Nothing was enough for us but time did not stop for us. With a promise of meeting again in summer he left giving me a final kiss. He came and gave me all the happiness in just a week and left.
He was back in Texas. We still used to talk and remember that one week we had spent. It always used to bring a smile in our face. Time went by and it was already a month since he had visited me. As usual I called him that day but he did not receive my call. I was worried. I tried so many times but he did not pick up the phone that day. I tried next day and next but he did not pick it up. I did not know what to do. I sent him an email. What I got as a reply was most unexpected things.
“Dear Karishma,
I am no more in your life. I am a bad person and don’t want to destroy your life. I don’t have guts to face you. You will definitely think me as a rascal and a bad person. I don’t mind it. I have hurt you and this, I will have to face my whole life. I won’t ask for your forgiveness but will just ask and beg for one thing. Please let me go and never call or email me. I will never be able to face you. You gave me the most beautiful time of my life but I just gave you the thorn no more than that….”
I just stared at that letter. How could it be? Was it a cruel joke or what was it? I had no clue. I tried to call him or email him so many times but this was the last thing I heard from him. I had no idea out of blue why he left me without giving any reason. We had such a beautiful relationship but how could he end up without any explanation.
This was 2 years ago. Jagdish had come into my life and gave me sweetest memories. Although we were together for just 4 months; it was pure till it ended. As he had come to my life without a reason, he also left without any reason. I used to curse him these whole years for the betrayal he had done, for the fake dream he had shown me.
But now suddenly with this phone call from an unknown lady I knew the reason. Every thing changed with one phone call. He knew I would never leave him even he was dying. So, he portrayed himself as a monster so that I could hate him and my heart would not be broken after leaving me and this world.
I scanned my room as if I could find him there once again opening his arm to hold me. But I could just see was that teddy he had first given me still holding the heart. I ran toward it and hugged it. Suddenly tears started to come. I cried. Cried for all these years I hated him. Cried for all those pain he must have gone through. I cried until there were no tears left.