Ive been regular viewer of Sajha for last 5 years and today I have decided to share my personal story to sajah members as my privacy will be secured here. I was keepin it for many many years within myslef. Its the story which I have not told to anyone, even the best of the best friends of mine are unware of it. I decided to write it up here. Ive just writtien it randomly so excuse the spellings, grammars, structures and it is also my firsrt posting
Regards
Roshani Ko Jyan
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I
have just returned back fom Nepal, it was a good visit after 5 long years.
During 4 weeks visit the most pleasant moment came when I met Roshani.. She was
still the same, long silky hair, slim body, tilted yet beautiful nose and
reserved nature. Roshani Sharma is the girl whom I have loved more than
anyone else in life. We studied together for 6 years from class 5 to SLC. And
it was the first time I was meeting after SLC, that means it took whole 10
years to meet her. Nobody on earth knows how badly I was waiting for this
moment.
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Back
in early 1990s when I was studying in class five, three new students came to
our class, people used to talk that one of them was really talentd and a first
girl of boarding school. I was little nervous as I was the first boy of the
class. Ours was a very ordinary government school somewhere in Gorkha. As I
hailed from very poor family, those new students with clean clothes look so
beautiful. Since then I started liking Roshani. She was very talented and
beautiful too. That was my first love, innocent love in those tender age where
I did not even have clue what really that was. However I felt so happy every
time I saw her.
For
the first time in life I became second by meager 4 marks but I was very happy
for Roshani, she surpassed me but I didnot know why I was happier than her.
they were transferred to sarkari school as boarding school where they were
studying got closed as students were not enough. She was from bazaar area, her
house was just few minutes from school and her family were one of the richest
in that area. They owned 2 trucks and a huge kapadako dokan (fancy pasal)
whereas I was from pari gaun, and from very poor family. I always dreamt of
having chappal but had to manage with RASILE BAHDEKO CHAPPAL. No money to buy
anything.
Everyone
in school was talking about Roshani, she has not only become class first but
also Whole first (School first). Time went on and I liked her more and more.
Perhaps I have never liked anyone like I did to her. She used to stay in second
bench, I always used to sit just near to her, when sir was teaching my eyes
were glued to her. When I remember these things now I really donot know what
happened me when I was merely 11.
Time
went on, we were on class 9, she was first and me second. In those days, they
only had TV in that area, everyone used to listen her guff in leisure period, I
still remember when they talk about Philips Top 10 and Zee Horror Show, Tara,
Swabhiman, Waqt Ki Raftar, Fauji, Close up Antakshari etc etc.
We
used to talk rarely and other friends thought we were DUSHMANs as we were
fighting for first position but that was not true. I had willingly sacrificed
first position for herOur total no difference used to be not more than 10-15
marks, and knowingly I never did Maths exam well. . She was weak in Mathematics
but I was mastermind. She has never
scored more than 70 and I could have easily got 95 or even 100. But I never got
more than 50, it was calculating exam for me, just for her sake. And she was
unaware of it.
Saturdays
used to be the longest day for me as I could not go to school, in other way I
could not see her. Next day I would go to school just to get her glance.
Sometimes I went Bazar just thinking if I could see her. As I was also good
looking guy, many friends (esp girls in class) wanted to get close with me, but
in my mind there was nothing than Roshani. In our tiffin break students used to
have 1 rupiyako motor tarkari and dunot in nearby hotels but she used to go
home as her house was pretty close. I waited in classroom until she made a move
and came back earlier before her arrival.
Sometimes
we used to exchange note books and she asked me for some Maths help, ‘Eikik
niyam’/unitary method was the most difficult for her so I taught her many
times and it was great chance to be with her. Forget about talking, even by seeing
her or sitting in same bench made me the happiest man at least for whole day.
I
must confess, I loved her and I could have done anything for her. It was so
pure love, I wanted nothing in return. I just loved unconditionally. If she had
asked my life, I would have easily sacrificed. I donot know how to explain. Few
times we went together to take part in HAJIRI JAWAF and SPELLING CONTEST to
other schools and I still cherish those moments, perhaps those memories will
never fade away from my life. Sittling in same bus (not even same seat) made me
so happy. I felt sooooooooooooooooo delighted.
I
have had no idea what she felt about me, I think she never thought in that way,
or she did? God knows or even if God does not know, it does not matter. But I
truly loved her. Exam days used to be the most colorful days for me not because
I cared about good results but I would get chance to sit with her. Being a
first girl she always got in first bench and me just next to her. We had longer
communication before exam started, she used to share how hard she was studying
and always feared of me. In return I always enjoyed her company, relaxed and I
kept listening everything she said. I was never bothered abt exams. Even after
exam started I just kept watching her from behind, she had a wonderful long
silky hair. Just to touch her I excused of asking ruler/compass and other
things, that was also true I did not have geometry box.
Thigns kept changing but my love was same, as pure as
morning dew. I loved her more than anything else in the world. Now she was in
great fear that I would be first as we had to take 2 exams on Mathematics (OPT
Math and Compulosry math) but foolish she was, I never let her be second, I did
averagley OK in both the subjects, I mean I got hardly 110 out of 200, that was
my intention to make her first. Then out
of shock I became third in class. Roshani was first, the other girl stood
second. I was not happy myslef but she was happy, I could not ask more than
that.
I was thinking to say that I love you but in those days I never
could get courage. Every night I saw her in my dream and the next morning I
cursed why should I have woken up so early. Even in my dreams she was so sweet.
To say frankly she was average looking girl but for me she was more than
Monalisa and Cleopatra. Perhaps that’s the real love and Passion.
Ours was a Sky blue shirt and blue pant (school dress), I
only had one pair that too swed in class 7 and I was already in 10, appearing
for SLC. It was very tight But Roshani used to change the dress every now and
then. I did have nothing except those old dress. But she used to wear Sun ko
sikri, all talked in school that, it was made up of ek tola. She looked so wonderful on that
golden chain. The day I came to know the price of that gold chain I quit
dreaming about her, there was a class
barrier. Moreover she was upadhya bahun and I was Shakya (a Newar). But deep
down in my heart I loved her immensely. But I loved her so secretly that nobody
even had a clue of it. So far nobody knows the truth. How hard I tried it was not goin to be
materilaised, she would have not accepted me that’s why I did not even think of
expressing my unconditional love to her. I was just happy seeing her, everyday,
sometimes in school and other days in dream.
We passed SLC, and moved to Chitwan, I did my Inter there, I
heard Roshani went Pokhara. No contacts, I could not even meet her. I tried but
she was not at home. That was very daring to visit her house just to see her,
as her FAMILY were a kind of JAMINDAR and TYO AREA kaa sahu. But I did not fear
anything just went, but all in vain.
There was no interent in our times so we remained out of
communication, perhaps she was least bothered about me but I was always remembring
her. I was away from all our school friends circle so there was no connextion
at all. I spent few years in Kathmandu, I heard from some friends that she was
studying in Pokhara but no contact at all.
Then I left Nepal, and just last month when I went home
after 5 years, we met in Kathmandu……..We spent 7 hours together in Dubar Marg Nanglo.
----------I will write everything soon-------
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