Being Nepali one cannot help having a very close and personal relationship (घनिष्ट सम्बन्ध) with numerous parties that you are expected to partake in.
If you are living in the US, you are spared from having to attend over 100 parties a year at relatives you haven't met for ages. Although, at the rate of influx of Nepalis to the US and the imminent growth of 2nd generation Nepalis in US, it's catching up relatively quicker than you'd expect.
Nepali parties are always a spectacle. I always enjoy watching the lines for food. The order and manner in which the food is displayed for the guests to put in their plates also says a lot about the host. In some places, the expensive items like goat meat are kept at the end hoping that guests will take less of it. The most horrible feeling when waiting in line specially when you have 50 people behind you, is to see that your favorite entree is being depleted as your turn comes up.
As soon as your turn comes up, your favorite entree that you had been salivating for is gone!! Now you don't know whether to hold the line and wait for them to replenish it or do you hang in there next to the empty container till it is noticed by an incompetent food staff or the host? or do you start eating next to the line and use sign language to the other people in the line indicating that you are waiting for that entree - as the line advances?
Another irritating thing at these parties are the food attendants! The food attendants only serve one function and that is to control the flow of food onto the guest plates. These food attendants come with a ready made smile plastered onto their face and if you're not so lucky you'll get an attendant who's salivating over the food but doesn't get to eat any. You notice them by how hungrily they stare at the food while they put a tiny portion on your plate. It is as if they are taking their revenge on you. Why do you want to control how much your guests want to eat?
As soon as I see a group of attendants distributing pre determined amount of food onto the guest plates, I try to get my fill on the appetizers. Some parties are set up on huge gardens that sometimes you get lost trying to navigate the landscape. In one of these parties, I saw a gentleman trying to fill his glass with water coming out from an irrigation nozzle.
Most of the time, I try to not go too hungry to these parties because at some parties they keep appetizer waiters who walk with appetizers. If you are unlucky, you can go for hours till one of them runs into you. It feels tacky to to have to signal them to come over to you, and it feels even more tacky to have to cross the garden for few peanuts. I have seen cases when someone walked across the room to get a fish ball, and just as he reached his destination, the tray needed a refill. So he had to apologize to the waiter for no reason whatsoever.
As you walk over to check on the dinner line, you see a group of nervous people who are hanging besides the serving table waiting for the servers to bring some samosas. The samosas come in but not enough for this one particular person who laughs it off and waits for another round of samosas to make it. When you look at the line you can always tell who hasn't been to an indian or chinese buffet in a while. Those who haven't, have their pupils dilated in anticipation of unlimited portions of their favorite food, well that is if there are no attendants. Some will even have to strike a conversation with the attendants and have them pour two scoops instead of one meagre scoop of the revered khasi ko masu.
Meanwhile behind the scene, the host is arguing with the food contractor and/or cooks who wants to send someone to get some pyaaj, aalu and chicken ko masu since their estimate didn't seem to work out. The host is frantically calling the restaurant owner next to his house to send him some pulau.
The lighting at these parties also plays an important role. The brighter the place is lit, the less food you see on the plates. The darker the environment is, people tend to take more since other's won't notice it. But the disadvantage of dark place is that you don't know what you are eating.
Until something very anoying happens. Lo and behold the ever friendly cameraman is there with his smile signaling you to pose with his video light enhancing the extra large portion on your plate and your mouth. You have to literally suck ur mouth and tummy in for the next 5 minutes before the cameraman makes way to find other unsuspecting victims to capture in his 'who ate how much' video.
By the time you realize how much food you have ingested within the past 4 hours, suddenly you feel bloated and a need to sit down at the closest chair even if you have to squeeze between two heavyset aunties. At this point you are so full that food does not have any meaning for you anymore and you go on to complain how the food sucked and I haven't even gotten to the part where you ended up having 5-6 drinks during the whole process. After all this you make it a point to find the host and say.
खसीको मासुमा नुन बडी भो !
_______________________________
This is a work of fiction made by consolidating tit bits of information some imaginary and some real, with some influence from an Indian standup comedy. Any resemblance to real events are coincidental.
.png)
