Sajha Subscribers/Viewers....A very warm namaste and regards to you all. I have been following sajha post for about two months now. Reading all the short life stories and love stories I felt like to pen down one about myself also. Hope you guys will like it as I've tried my best to convey some messages via my personal experience and of course would want some suggestions in the same regards from you beautiful people out there. Any errors please let me knowSome months ago I was so hurt. And I hurt bad. And I wanted to know why.
Well...Today I'm looking at it this way.
I loved someone. I loved her very much. And she abandoned me. I
thought the world of her and she crushed my heart and stole my dreams.
Wow - so much power she had...to be able to inflict such heavy and
massive destruction to my well-being. And with this 'imposed' power she
became almost 'God-like' to me. I subconsciously feared this power, and
by fearing it, the object of my power - she- actually became almost
like an obsession to me. I thought about her all the time, I dreamed of
her. She was the first thought in my head when I woke and the last when
I went to sleep. And this constant dwelling confused me. I actually
came to believe that I loved her and needed her far more than I
actually did.
May be she felt powerful in the fact that she could and had
inflicted so much emotional pain on me. She felt almighty in the
knowledge that she had, alone, created such extensive devastation. She
might have even felt a heightened sense of self-importance. Sadly, her
ego may have been exaggerated as she witnessed either the begging and
pleas, or the hopeless, lost agony that came from me.
She did not openly admit to these feelings of triumph. Hiding these
emotions, she might have more often than not, tried to relay feeling of
guilt or regret, either for causing me pain, or simply because she was
'sorry that the relationship didn't work out'.
Many times I thought to myself, "How can she just move on so
easily, and not hurt like I do? How can someone who claimed they loved
me just two weeks ago, this week announce that its over?"
But now I have now realized that many who make the choice to leave
and end a relationship do not set out directly to cause hurt and pain.
Their main goal is to find happiness and personal fulfillment, not to
directly cause hurt to someone they care about.
Based on my realization, now, I am curing the grief that surrounds
me. I am learning to find happiness within me. Sounds impossible, but
it isn't. It is not only very possible, it has been there all along. If
it weren't, I would have curled up in a ball at the foot of the one who
left me, and died. And, yes, I might have felt that way, but did I do
it? No! Because I still know, buried deep inside me, that she was not
the be-all to my life. And how do I know that? Because I am here,
writing this, looking for answers to my pain. Searching for help to
mend my abandoned self! I have the courage and the desire to 'continue
on'. I believe in me, I have faith in life, and I am aware of my
capacity to love again. A new and better life is not only possible, not
only probable, but a plain and simple fact.
Based on my final assumption, I hereby take back all the blames I
gave her. I wish her gud luck in the new lease of her life. Letting her
go wasn't easy. It took months but now I've let her go not with grudges
but with sincere apologies and all the bests......
"Once I ran to you: Now I run from you"-NG
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