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Procras2nator
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 To marry a foreign girl or nepali?

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Posted on 01-23-14 12:53 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Been with a foreign girl for about 3 years. Dont quarrel much. We have our understanding. She pretty. She def dont seem like she wants to quit on me. She just as good as a nepali girl but still i cant make up my mind to marry her. I cant leave her either. Feels like i might miss out on something if i dont marry my race. Need advice from someone with experience. Will be generous if you could share what you have seen from your close ones who were in my shoes. Btw i live in states and intend to live here.
 
Posted on 01-23-14 2:01 AM     [Snapshot: 54]     Reply [Subscribe]
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What race are you?
 
Posted on 01-23-14 4:14 AM     [Snapshot: 93]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Follow your heart just like Bollywood movie
 
Posted on 01-23-14 9:16 AM     [Snapshot: 282]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@khairey
lol lol
 
Posted on 01-23-14 10:35 AM     [Snapshot: 369]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If you feel like you have a greater purpose in life, then marry the girl you love who is from another race. Perhaps this will be your contribution to end racial violence and help bring world peace. Otherwise it's not worth mixing race and marriage! IMHO.
 
Posted on 01-23-14 1:42 PM     [Snapshot: 526]     Reply [Subscribe]
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It is fine the first few years but eventually the charm wears off. Older you get, more you like to cling to your roots and the WARS start. Seen this drama over and over and over and over!!!

-Z
 
Posted on 01-23-14 2:55 PM     [Snapshot: 682]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Grass is always greener on the other side! Stick with who you are with unless you really can't live with the person. It doesn't matter which race your girl is from. It's all about understanding and commitment.
 
Posted on 01-23-14 3:33 PM     [Snapshot: 688]     Reply [Subscribe]
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11 years of marriage
16 years of knowing her
I'll give you any suggestion being a fellow Nepali. My relationship is working, but I can't say everyone will. I have seen many didn't make it. To me personally, it has nothing to do with culture, more about personality and the match. It all depends on you and her.

If you are a liberal, free minded, willing to learn new values and practices. If you come from a liberal family back in Nepal, if your family didn't force you into religion, if your family didn't care about cast and you grew up with that types of teaching, if majorities of your childhood friends were of different caste, if you understand that Nepal and Nepali is not the center of this planet, if you are willing to give up a little bit of Nepali companionship, if you don't mind eating pizza and burger once or twice a week instead of Dal Bhat, if you don't expect your wife to cook and make babies as her primary job, if your mom does not expect that her daughter in-law should speak nepali and come home and take care of elders with cooking and cleaning. And the most important part is - If you're willing to dig deeper into Americans, their values, culture, tradition and their general views of life and the world.
Then a big YES

If you grew up in a religious family, if your family is very conservative back in nepal, if you are a mama's boy (this is a very key factor) and you're afraid to do anything against her wishes, if you and your family think caste is important to socialize and marry within, if you childhood friends were your cousins and relatives, if you are the only son, if your mom is in a desperate need of a daughter in law to help out the elders in the village, if you cannot sleep a night without eating rice, if you cannot spend a month without a Nepali friend around you, if you think you know everything about America and its people from books and watching documentaries, if you think Isreal is the biggest enemy and Americans are helping them, if you expect your wife should cook and make babies, if you believe you can force your wife into having sex even when she is not in a mood. And the most important - if you are an arrogant prick who thinks Nepal is the most important country in this world, someone with no humility and humbleness.
Then a big NO

These are factors not just for you, but for her too.

I struggled with food for a long time. Eventually I learnt cooking on my own, I'm good there. Rest were not that bad for me. It all depends on you and her.

Let me know if you have any question and if I've experienced it, I'll give you my honest answer.



 
Posted on 01-23-14 3:33 PM     [Snapshot: 733]     Reply [Subscribe]
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make clear about your culture/family values ; expectation from your family members etc. Please do the same for her too.
Since you guys already have understanding( as mentioned) I'd strongly recommend you to stick with the girl.
~Cheers

 
Posted on 01-23-14 3:47 PM     [Snapshot: 763]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Lol... he said foreign girl. For us, Caucasian is only subset of foreign girl. She could be African American aka kali or latino american, also fits Bhutanese american in that definition.
 
Posted on 01-23-14 3:49 PM     [Snapshot: 768]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@Reweird, in above case your YES and NO conditions needs a lot of reshuffle.
 
Posted on 01-23-14 4:35 PM     [Snapshot: 818]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@Khairey, people who shuffle a lot in those two category usually are the one who ends up in a divorce soon. A few is fine, but not all. If you are of of those, BEWARE
Last edited: 23-Jan-14 05:00 PM

 
Posted on 01-23-14 5:10 PM     [Snapshot: 857]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Rewire says: "If you're willing to dig deeper into Americans, their values, culture, tradition and their general views of life and the world."

Congrats if you did it, Rewire! In my eyes you were truly born with greater purpose in life than most of us....KUDOS to you sire.
 
Posted on 01-23-14 5:48 PM     [Snapshot: 917]     Reply [Subscribe]
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mind your own business sathi,

This is about honest suggestion to help our fellow nepali who wants some tips about his relationship, not about criticizing me. See, people like you make other people with knowledge never come up front to help. Why direct the anger towards me? This is not about me. If you have any good suggestion, pour it here. If not STFU. Are you one of those who got divorced?

 
Posted on 01-23-14 6:11 PM     [Snapshot: 977]     Reply [Subscribe]
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you can never compare your situation and relationship with others.
 
Posted on 01-23-14 6:42 PM     [Snapshot: 1017]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@Procras2nator

What is this "something" you're afraid you will miss out on? 3 years is a long time. You should decide soon before you waste too much of her time.
 
Posted on 01-23-14 7:05 PM     [Snapshot: 1024]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If the cultural differences scare you that much, you should marry your friend (from the same socio-economic background) who have been together since primary school

or

your sister (ohh come on, दिल पे मत लो यार).

And yet personality comes into play irrelevant of cultural background.

So if you both like e/o, then go beyond the color/language/dress/food, brother! People are nowadays becoming more and more world citizens.
 
Posted on 01-23-14 7:20 PM     [Snapshot: 1065]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Procras2nator saathi
 Anybody can assume and formulate all the negativity of marrying a foreign girl. But if she is a white american, very few people can relate the positive of the marriage.
To me, her parents are ultra cool. They expect nothing in return even though they are poor. Not having a loud mouth, always judging and always expecting something from you as in-laws is a experience of a lifetime, it is such a relief. I visit them once during Thanksgiving or Christmas, that's it. Such relationship is very common among white in-laws. I can only imagine dealing with Nepali in-laws. But if she is non-white, this might not work.

 
Posted on 01-23-14 9:35 PM     [Snapshot: 1233]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If you are husband your wife has to defend all the time saying he is from Nepal, not Arab Muslim/dark Indian (if you are Bahun) nor Chinese/Asian (if you are Gurung/Rai/Newar). So is you have to defend you wife saying she is from good family (not white trash if she is white nor ghetto if she is black). If you have kid, possibly he/she more tend to be an american than Nepali (either way American spouse dominates family). The day you are disabled/unemployed your spouse starts to look other alternatives than helping/staying with you. No matter how much Nepali thinks they are Americanized, they still are brown and are different in this society. However, I see happy "inter racial international couple" but still they missing their own cultural family values (Nepali would happy stay being intact family (dad, mum, couples, grandchildren) and American would stay separately (no matter their parents have enough property to accommodate).
 
Posted on 01-23-14 9:42 PM     [Snapshot: 1246]     Reply [Subscribe]
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"Foreign" women often bang her coworkers and friends even on small issues with their hubby :). Reweird could share more if he has gone through this ;). May be cool for few years but things could take turn after that.
 



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