I've got some funny stuff, hope you all will enjoy it.


A well dressed business man was walking down the street when a little kid covered in soot said to him respectfully, “Sir, can you tell me the time?” The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, “It is a quarter to three, young man.”

“Thanks,” said the boy. “At exactly three o’clock you can kiss my ass.”

With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him.

He had not been running long when an old friend stopped him.

“Why are you running like this at your age?” asked the friend. Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, “That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!”

“So his friend said whats the hurry? You still got 15 mins.”

great jokes backaxe. i liked the one with the shaky hands!!

keep it coming!

Man comes home to his wife very happy.
Man: "I just won a lottery of $10 million. Pack your bags."
Wife: "Great, how shall I pack it? Shall I pack it for south, or north, or east or west, hot climate or cold climate or...."

Man: "I don't care, just pack your bags and piss off."

A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says "I bet I know what you want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S".

The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have enough toys."

Santa replies once again tapping the boys nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."

Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."

"Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.

The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"

don't smoke, your infant will soon start by the time it reaches the earth.

A bear and a rabbit were in the forest taking a shit. The bear then looks over at the rabbit and says, "Do you ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit said,"No I don't."

The bear then picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass!

Whoever said Laughter is the best medicine, never had a hemorroid.

one more

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said:

'Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in INDIA?'

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

'Wait, ladies,' cried the professor. 'The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!'

AGAIN
The 'College Special' train time was changed from 2.02 p.m. to 1.58 p.m.

The English Professor made this announcement in the class.

'The train's departure time has been changed from two-two to two-to-two.'

One day when the teacher walked to the blackboard, she noticed someone had written a foul word in tiny letters. She turned around and scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it and began class.

The next day, she went into the classroom, she noticed the same word in large letters; this time written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word 'penis' written on the board, each day's larger than the previous one.

Finally one day, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words:

'The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.'