92 year old Daily Telegraph columnist/ ex editor WF Deedes launched a
sterling defence of club culture this week, suggesting staying out all
night raving could prove to be excellent training for gallant young
officers going off to fight in Iraq.

"As a frequenter of nightclubs in the 1930s, let me take the stand for
a moment," the veteran reveller (who's nowadays a lifetime peer)
pleaded.

"The hardest struggle in prolonged conflict is not being brave but
staying awake, and this I found, is where we nightclubbers had the edge
over fresh-faced young men, not long out of school and fit as fleas, who
after a day and night without sleep, found it hard to keep their eyes
open," Lord Deedes recalled.

http://www.sleepfoundation.org/fatigue.cfm ('Recent revelations that
the American pilots who bombed Canadian forces in Afghanistan in April
2002 had taken amphetamines, or "go pills," came as a surprise to some.
However, it has been the Air Force's practice to give small doses of
amphetamines to pilots on long flights for years . . .')

Bush has single-handedly turned the United States into the most
neurotic and terror-obsessed country on the planet. For non-Americans, the
United States is suddenly not a very nice place to visit because US
immigration officers -under the rules of Bush - now conduct themselves with
all the charm and unanswerable indignation of Hitler's SS.

America Arrests Record Numbers Of Pot Smokers

New data published by the FBI this week has revealed that 755,186
people were arrested for marijuana offences in the US in 2003, with 88%
(660,000) busted for simple possession.

The record number of arrests represented a doubling of pot related
arrests since 1994 and came soon after the Republican administration urged
prosecutors to be particularly merciless with offenders.

"Marijuana and violence are linked," they declared in a memo in 2002,
"no drug matches the threat posed by marijuana."

More recently, President Bush ordered police to switch resources from
targeting heroin and cocaine to cannabis, suggesting pot arrest figures
could skyrocket even further if the Republicans remain in power for
four more years. Independent candidate Ralph Nader also highlighted the
drugs issue this week in an open letter to George W, urging him to pardon
30,000 non-violent drug offenders at the end of his first term.

"As someone who has acknowledged having a substance abuse problem you
understand the importance of treatment for addiction. I'm sure you also
recognize that if you had been incarcerated for cocaine use you
probably would not have gone on to have the career you have had," said Mr
Nader.

"Therefore, you should be especially sensitive to the need for
correcting the injustice of incarceration for non-violent drug offences," he
urged.

http://www.votenader.org/media_press/index.php?cid=317 ("The U.S.
Department of Justice estimates that if incarceration rates remain unchanged
an estimated 1 of every 20 Americans and greater than 1 in 4 African
Americans can be expected to serve time in prison during their lifetime')

"He even said that he thought the condom could be used several times
and that he wanted it stuck on his penis so he could use it again later.
We barely managed to remove it in the end." (Ananova)
A nurse recalls treating 43 Romanian Nicolae Popovici, who required
medical aid after super-gluing an extra large condom on his penis to
permanently prevent his wife having any more kids.

http://www.thankyoutony.com ('Click Here to Thank Tony: "...because it
was the right thing to do.")

http://www.bushisms.com/index1a.html ("You fcking son of a bitch. I
saw what you wrote. We're not going to forget this . . .', George W.
speaking to writer and editor Al Hunt in 1988)

Does Being Afraid Make It OK To Vote for George W?

Barefoot Doctor: "Fear in this case is actually a justifiable reason
for not voting for him if you've got any sense at all, though I'd say
it's simplistic to say George W threatens the world - you have to consider
the threat posed by the terrorists too.

But having said that I think his way of dealing with the crisis is
certainly out of line with good sense taken from a martial artist's point
of view like mine. I'd prefer a candidate with a bit more cool about
them - someone who at least appeared to be grounded in some kind of
tangible reality as opposed to the fantasy realm turned actual nightmare
scenario Bush's approach has created.

Abstaining in this instance would be wasting a valuable opportunity to
help some kind of positive change and that would be a shame, though as
to how people should vote that's not for me to say. Though personally
I'd vote for Kerry 8 times over or for Michael Moore if he was running.
Vote with your heart."

http://www.illuminatrix.net/beetle/beetle.html (George W erotic playing cards (little iffy for work!!!)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/3728930.stm (Nude George W painting: No good for work: gratuitously offensive!!!)

Adam Freeland Rejects Raving Bush Girls

Outspoken British breaks star Adam Freeland found himself performing
for George W's notoriously fun-loving daughters Jenna and Barb at a US
rave last week and said he was horrified when he realised who
they were.

"I was in Chicago playing a We Want Your Vote gig last Thursday night
and the promoter had told me that the Bush daughters might be there and
I'd been like 'yeah, whatever', said Adam.

"Then about an hour into my set I dropped 'We Want Your Soul', the vibe
picked up and a few new heads came onto the floor from the adjacent VIP
room, including one pissed up (drunk-slang Ed) girl who was jumping
around, pulling hard on a fag (cigarette), who was obviously a party
girl," he recalled.


"Then I saw her face and I got this weird deep sickly churning in my
stomach; she looked exactly like George W and I realised 'fck', it is
her; George W's daughter going nuts to We Want Your Soul, miming the
words," said Adam.

"I felt like I'd seen the antichrist (not that I'm a Christian) but it
was fcking odd and strange and her sister was there with her too,
though she wasn't afflicted with looking like him," he continued. "If Bush
dressed up as a girl, he'd be his daughter. Poor fcking girl."


"I thought maybe I should go find her chat her up or something (it
didn't look like it'd be that tough), try to get her into bed just so I
could infiltrate her mind, infiltrate her family, change the world, or
even just tell my mates I'd shagged a Bush," Adam added.

"But I didn't," he laughed.

http://www.bushwatch.com/hold1.htm ('In St.-Tropez, Jenna partied with
Sean "P. Diddy" Combs. In New York, the twins sent one of their Secret
Service agents over to procure an introduction to rocker Chris Cornell,
the frontman for the band Audioslave. The girls were not averse to
showing up at places where controlled substances were enjoyed . . .')

http://jailtrainingcenter.com (Jail training role play)

America Brands Drugs Users 'Vectors Of Contagion'

American plans to target occasional drug users through 'compassionate
coercion' coupled with 'specialised pharmaceuticals' could mean the war
on drugs moves inside people's brains, an alarming new report published
by civil liberties group the Center for Cognitive Liberty & Ethics
(CCLE) claimed this week.

The report highlighted the development of vaccines to block the effects
of drugs such as cocaine, though also examined the implications of
America's 2003 National Drug Control Strategy, which compares occasional
dabblers with cholera carriers.

"It (drug addiction) spreads because the vectors of contagion are not
addicts in the streets but users who do not yet show the consequences of
their drug habit," the US report declared last year.

"Last year, some 16 million Americans used an illegal drug on at least
a monthly basis, while 6.1 million Americans were in need of treatment.
The rest, still in the "honeymoon" phase of their drug-using careers,
are 'carriers' who transmit the disease to others who see only the
surface of the fraud," they declared.

German Husband's (Not So) Great Escape

A 47-year-old man from Itzehoe, Germany was beginning a ten-day prison
sentence this week after refusing to pay a parking fine in order to
escape his wife.

"He said he couldn't stand the constant bickering at home with his wife
and was looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet in jail," a police
spokesman explained. (Ananova)

The henpecked driver's conviction came 18 months after fellow German
Vladimir R attempted an even more resourceful way of silencing his
equally outspoken missus, with the aid of a second world war air-raid siren
he installed at their home.

"My wife never lets me get a word in edgeways," Herr R told police when
they responded to neighbours' complaints.

"So I crank up the siren and let it rip for a few minutes. It works
every time. Afterwards, it's real quiet again,' he explained.

Both characters could find favour with German sports minister Otto
Schiller who two weeks ago called on locals to make a concerted effort to
be less grumpy when they host the (soccer) World Cup in 2006.

"We could do with more jollity and lightness, a sprinkling of Viennese
or Mediterranean flair," Herr Schiller suggested. "we too are capable
of light-footedly hovering two centimetres above the ground."

Retrosexuals Rough Up Metrosexuals

Fashion conscious Brit blokes are ditching metrosexual traits like
personal hygiene and hair styling and becoming dirty 'retrosexuals'
according to a new lifestyle guide published by Oxford University.

"The retrosexual is a man who spends as little time and money as
possible on his appearance," The Guardian revealed this week, "he is scared
of hair gel."

The Standard newspaper also highlighted the latest fashion this week,
declaring 'the retrosexual is scruffy, possibly a little dirty and as
unaffected by designer labels as anyone can be'.

Both newspapers, however, failed to mention the sexuality of retros,
though Mark Simpson, the British journalist who coined both terms (in
1994), suggested retros are more likely to be gay than metros.

"Pointing to a heterosexual or homosexual is generally not as easy
these days, without following them home to check, not least because of the
proliferation of the metrosexual," he told the Observer several months
ago.

"Hetero metros are probably rather less 'latent' than retrosexuals.
They are, after all, rather blatant - in their flirtatiousness," he
pointed out.

Eminem Blasts Bush's Mission From God

US rap star Eminen has labelled George Bush 'a weapon of mass
destruction' on his new album Encore and attacked him for going to war over
Iraq.

"Maybe this is God just saying we are responsible for this monster/
this coward that we have empowered," he raps on Mosh. "Let him go fight
his own war, let him impress daddy that way." (Mirror)

While Eminem's rant is unlikely to concern Republication strategists
unduly, a much more damaging assessment of the President's competence
appeared in the New York Times this week, courtesy of leading Republican
libertarian politico Bruce Bartlett. The Washington insider, who served
as both an advisor to Ronald Reagan and George Bush senior in the past,
claimed George W genuinely believes he's on a mission from God,
allowing him to ignore inconvenient facts, whenever it suits him.

"This instinct he's always talking about is this sort of weird,
Messianic idea of what he thinks God has told him to do," Mr Bartlett
explained.

"This is why George W. Bush is so clear-eyed about Al Qaeda and the
Islamic fundamentalist enemy. He believes you have to kill them all. They
can't be persuaded, that they're extremists, driven by a dark vision.
He understands them, because he's just like them," he said.

http://www.tortuga.com/foundation/campaign/docs/book/g3.html (Mayan
Calendar: 'The law of time was embedded in the Mayan way of knowing, and
their superiority of knowledge owes altogether to a familiarity with the
synchronic order of time. This means they could know and do things in
ways which modern third-dimensional space would today consider
supernatural . . .')

Hooligan Harry Fights For Britain

Notoriously delinquent royal Prince Harry enhanced his lager lout
reputation even further this week, when he got involved in a 'scuffle' with
a photographer outside a London nightclub.

According to press reports the pot-smoking prince quaffed vodka and
mingled with soap opera actors and 'glamour models' at toff hangout
Pangeaa before lunging at a photographer as he left the London club in the
early hours.

"You f***ing w***er, why are you f***ing doing this", Harry reportedly
screamed as he lashed out at the snapper, and had to be dragged back
into his limousine by his bodyguards, the Mirror reported.

"Punching people in the street is not the sort of thing you expect from
a prospective British army officer," an ex SAS officer and former royal
protection bodyguard told the newspaper. "He will be depended upon to
remain cool in tough situations."

The incident came just a week after the out-of-control 20 year old
denied accusations that he'd cheated in his Art A level exam and just two
years after he became notorious for hosting drug crazed parties at
Prince Charles' palace at Highgrove.

"The trouble is that Harry has been fighting an image problem ever
since his brush with drugs," said Standard royal watcher Valentine Low.

"The pictures of red-faced Harry scrapping (fighting) in the street
will imprint on people's minds an image that will prove hard to
eradicate," he predicted,

http://www.nmt.edu/~erenee/uglybabies1.html ('The New Ugly Babies Gallery: your ultimate source of gross-looking babies . ..')

"I don't want a divorce. My husband is violent. It is in his nature. I
just want him to promise to beat me only once a week." (Telegraph)

An Iranian woman begs a court to order her husband to stop assaulting
her every night (the judge later ordered her husband to stop battering
her altogether).