Black Panther,

As they say in Nepali: तपाईं को मुख मा दुध भात्! As in, maybe in many many years from now I might be somewhere in the ball park of being as good as J.K Rowling. But thanks for the compliment.

I'm sending the story to a few online magazines. Which ever one will publish, I'll post the link in this forum.

Dear Sanee,

I am glad that the story appealed to you.

You asked:
Do you mean the main character "Roshan" is cheating with his wife "Sangita" or his ex beloved "Prerna" or himself?

I feel so. Don't you? Any husband who, while with his wife, has his eyes shut...thinking of being with another woman is surely a cheater of some sort. No?

Sanee,

I was thinking that most women would prefer to have a husband in body, mind and spirit. If they didn't have a husband in all those terms, they would feel cheated...I thought. Perhaps I am wrong.

But I agree with you, in the strict application of the word cheated, meaning sexually deviant, Roshan did not cheat.  

Homeyji,

In this story, you are a narrator and Roshan a protagonist; therefore it is you who is writing the story, not Roshan. Even if it were Roshan, I would have strongly encouraged sticking to conventional write-up except when exchanging a dialogue. A narrator, in both cases, ensures that the words are carefully chosen and sentences well structured.

I understand to some extent that you were trying to depict the crass amateurism of Roshan by the way he speaks, but this could be written in conjunction of a justification. For example:

 “ OOii Sudha, where is my cigarette, I haven’t ‘drank’ a single one today” Roshan yelled from the window in his usual pastoral dialect, calling the act of smoking a ‘drinking’, as most people in rural Nepal do.

The sentence inside quotes is a dialogue and the one outside a justification. Were you asking for something else? My apologies if I misconstrued.

Stiffler,

You are speaking of a whole different dimension. I was not talking about storyline, I was merely pointing out minor descrepancies in sentence structures.

Stiffler, agree with you here:

If you have a character who is dyslexic and you write a dialogue for him you don't expect that dialogue to have perfect english do you? Doesn't mean the writer is dyslexic.

The problem for me is: How do I present the protagonist's amateurish writing without the story as a whole looking like a poor work of writing?
Uranus is right, if it is just dialogue, then it is easy to "culturally translate" the experience here and there. But if it is a whole piece of writing, that is more tough.
This is my dillema. So maybe I don't have a choice but to polish the piece in italics up so that the story as a whole doesn't look poorly. Right?

I'd rather Roshan be viewed as a good writer (for a high school/college student) than my writing suffer because I tried to portray him accurately. I don't see any other way out.

Meera,

As far as the cheating issue is concerned, I think it comes down to 'from whose point of view?' From Sangita's (Roshan's wife) point of view, if she is anything like most Nepali women (or women in general for that matter) that I know, she wouldn't be thrilled knowing her husband was fantasizing his past flame while in bed with her. I think she would feel cheated. No?