To respond to your piece with praise or encouragement would not do justice to your writing. The quality and depth of your writing demonstrates you are accomplished at what you do. I have enjoyed reading you for the last few weeks and shall stake total claim to the pleasure.
Which is why I hate you. For the following reasons :
(1) Just when I was losing interest in what people were saying on Sajha, your piece comes along, forces me to wrack my brains for my password and sound off. I hate it when I cannot control the urge to restrain my words and I blame you entirely for my failure.
(2) I hate stream of consciousness writing. Especially when it evokes Proust and our own Shankar Lamichhane. You are in bad company and deserve to be condemned for stirring in others what they wish to let lie latent.
(3) "I blamed them, all those who commented, tortured and judged me on the way I look, the things I eat, the way I speak for turning me into this lifeless painting but I was wrong. It was I who did this to me. I couldn’t stand up for myself, didn’t defend my ways, my choices, and my originality, didn’t stick to it and thus lost it."
Somebody find me some matches, I need to burn this book ! No one should be allowed to write like that. Where is the Ayatollah when you need him to issue an effing fatwa against uppity writers who think they can get away with riling the inner sanctums of other people's consciousness?
(4) "Now, whenever I see a child with colorful stockings with an imperfect smile and freckles, I see the child I used to be and how I wish she won’t be made a victim by narcissist bitches or judgmental seniors and even if she is victimized, I wish she sticks up for who she is because after all that’s what really matters."
How dare you question the very foundations of human society, especially things that have empowered some of us at the expense of others. Shaming is the best tool to control the behavior of others and you implicitly advocate life devoid of such a fundamental tool of human power? That's tantamount to unilateral disarmament.
Please stop writing - so I can get on with my life in peace.
;)