This is a decision that is way too serious to be heard from public forum like this. It affects your life forever.So whatever you decide you have to decide. Be strong and god bless!

sanju.baba · Mar 19, 2012 9:23 AM

 Seems like you are confused between US dream n love. If u do not love him , forget about US. Enjoy your life secretely or openly over there. Seriously speaking "do not waste your life for american dream".  And if u love him, forget your body, wait for indefinite time 3- 15 yrs or tell him to return back. Last edited: 19-Mar-12 09:58 AM

dbst · Mar 19, 2012 9:41 AM

I cannot say about his loyalty; I guess it is upto you now to trust or not. But strictly from immigration point of view, when did he apply for green card? It could take years and years before he is approved if he is going through normal process of employment based Green card. Has he included you in the filing? Make sure he has; otherwise it will take forever for you to get a green card after he gets his. This is a serious matter and you have to discuss this with your husband and gauge where this is going.

Kiddo · Mar 19, 2012 9:52 AM

I am sure there are many people who come to the US and had to go through similar situations. I had similar issue when I came to US. I was not married but my bf was in Nepal. We tried for visa and everything but he was not able to do it. After 5 years in the US, I felt like it was time to move on because our youth does not last for ever. Since you are married it's a bit different but like I said, your youth is not going to last for ever and maybe you have to think very hard to make your own decision. I feel for you. Good luck.

nilasha · Mar 19, 2012 10:06 AM

"If he is still loyal..."  Well, I cannot speak about his character because i do not know neither of you in person. But I can certyainly talk about the process to be here in U.S. First, find out how long it will take him to get green card? It depends on when it was applied from his job and number of visas available. Once he gets green card, you will not get that immediately. Being a green card holder, he sure can file form I-130 Petition for Alien relative; but it might take 3-5 years for the process to br completed. If the petitioner (you husband in this case) is a U.S. citizen, petition for "Immediate Relative" (which is you in this case) would have been approved in 3 -6 months. I would suggest for you to try student visa if waiting back home is creating trouble.

Bachata · Mar 19, 2012 10:26 AM

Do you have kids or not?  It's very hard now-a-days even for greencard holder to bring his/her spouse up here. I don't know on what basis he filed a petition for you when he was not even a greencard holder(he must be very rich to get you over here through other means like business visa or such but that's not for permanent living, just for a short trip or so). Once he becomes a greencard holder, it 'might' take another 5-6 years for you to be approved. And I didn't understand that "working on indian restaurant would get him green card" part. Did he move to US because of his Indian employer? or was he here on Student Visa and now started working on Indian restaurant? In either case, if he's legally here, it's just about time and after certain time, he would apply and get approved for greencard. If you guys are in deep love, wait for each other. Don't listen to other bitchy attitude over here trying to dilute your dignity, youth don't last forever but love does and that's what you care about most right? Don't worry, once  you come to US, I've known couples here making sex even on their 60's just like they do on 30's. And I must say yeah, live your american dream. This will be your new incarnation over here :D 

bittertruth · Mar 19, 2012 10:29 AM

Dear De, Being a woman, I can feel your pain. But being unmarried, I don't understand the word "loyal."   When you say "loyal" it refers to all the promises he made  before the marriage OR it refers to his personal satisfaction without you in a married relationship. If you said BOTH, I would not bother to worry about the personal one.  After all, he has been talking to you all these years on Skype.  And, of course, men in every society they have little more freedom than women. LET suppose if tomorrow he says he does not care about his Green Card ko Chakar n want to come to Nepal and wants to live and work in Nepal, would you like to hear that? And, its been 5 years, so it means I hope you've been applying for DV for 5 times, so lets hope this 6th time you'll get it. Lets stay on the positive side. Above all, How did you meet this guy?  I hope, wish, pray, for you  that everything will  be better tomorrow. P.S. Its better to marry a man with an empty pocket than to marry  a man with a bucket of  promises.

Sexy In Sari · Mar 19, 2012 8:49 PM

 it's time you should find out things clean and clear ,i also don't know how but try to go that way , >like many of us don't tell our problems ,he could be in that situation where he is still in the process of green card...going through waiting process also .... and not telling you his pain side of story  ,or either just like you are guessing he is ignoring you and enjoying the cozy life himself ,but whatever may be the case ,you should be strong and talk about this things clearly so that you will get answer and move on with your life .Good luck and hope you will know the facts soon. Last edited: 19-Mar-12 10:19 PM

fantush · Mar 19, 2012 10:17 PM

From what I gather, you will have a long way to go -assuming everything goes well in time with the green card process and for him to bring you even after he has the card-its gonna be a long wait. My suggestion would be to -why not apply for a visa again, may be a student visa or somethingand yeah keep filling that dv form (shortest and the sweetest way IF). You being married obviosly makes it harder on you and the decision that you make now will shape your whole life. Some people above are too personal and i don't think anybody should advise you on your personal relationship based on some incomplete facts. You shouldn't be misguided by those.If you have been talking to him on  skype every weekend, you should already have pretty good understanding if he is loyal and if he is headed towards keeping his words. Before building the shadow of doubts, be optimisitc and give it a chance and try to work out things together. Tell your husband how you feel-I bet he will understand instead of listening to some random people who barely know the circumstances. I wish you luck and hope everyhing works out the best for you.

SiliconHills · Mar 20, 2012 2:17 AM

Thank you everyone for comments. It's very tough personally but it helps to put it out and hear other comments. There is no right thing to do but I hope others don't have to go through it.

sabitri · Mar 20, 2012 10:30 AM

Savitri sis I don't intend to make any judgment but it reminds me of this piece I saw in mysansar. I hope this does not apply in your case but it's a known issue. स्वास्नी नेपालमा, लोग्ने विदेशमा ‘फलानी’सँग

p_didi · Mar 20, 2012 10:45 AM

 I have seen so many couple with the same problem, but when everything works out and they are together, problem gets solved and they are happy. I know everyone's situation is different, but don't give up hope, be positive and try to enter US in F1 visa. Good luck!

welcome2 · Mar 20, 2012 11:33 AM

@silichohills Some people above are too personal and i don't think anybody should advise you on your personal relationship based on some incomplete facts, YOU TALK LIKE THE TALK OF OUR POLITICIAN ,I'M THE BEST DON'T LISTEN ANYBODY ,FOLLOW ME EVERYBODY , TYPICAL HYPOCRITE THOUGHTS.AND SEE WHERE NEPAL IS GOING ,In those comments above everyone have their opinion and tried their best ideas to share ,it means something for here ,rest it's on her ,she has to decide the best for her , btw I'vent' Heard GREEN CARD  PROCESS FOR SPOUSE is A LONG LONG way process.

fantush · Mar 20, 2012 11:37 AM

Don't give up, he may be one loyal husband who is trying his best to survive and keep his promises. It is not easy to live abroad like most people think back home.

SanuG · Mar 20, 2012 2:00 PM

@Fantush Dude, Trust me politics is the last place i wanna be in. Don't get me wrong, I admire that everybody is inputting suggestions and trying to help- i get that but  I think there are certain issues that you have to encourage people to decide on their own. As you put it, i didn't mean to judge-i just advised her to make the relationship decisions based on her real circumstances and just be carried away by some random thoughts.That felt right to me, you have the right to your own opinion. Depends how long is long for you. My theory doesn't suggest me to wait , wait and keep waiting instead start acting up. ps. I think you are the best. Apologies.

SiliconHills · Mar 20, 2012 3:09 PM

@siliconhills  No, I don't think I'm the best , but i also tried my best to give my best opinion as everyone other did ,but what i think is yes we should respect each others opinion ,everyone have different view but it's not like math for exact answer ,No need to apology brother as long as  you respect others opinion.

fantush · Mar 20, 2012 5:28 PM

 I wish nobody gets into situation like this. But it happens everywhere, and i have known at least 5 couples in these situation. The best answer to this question can come from your husband. Be candid and ask him about the situation he is in and let him know your situation. It's not easy for everybody here in US. Like some of the people said try for student visa, this might be a solution for you to meet your husband. But this too depends on your study and people back home. I wish you all happiness in your life...............

lovestosuggest · Mar 21, 2012 12:28 AM