figuring myself out

Archived from the original Sajha.com — preserved as posted, replies can no longer be added here.

Archived Post

Figuring myself out I could see him stealing a glance at me from the corner of my eyes. I silently prayed for him to look away so that my heart would return to its ordinary state of rhythmic beats that I was used to. I don’t know why I felt so uncomfortable being looked at. Some of my friends claimed that attention from guys made them feel good about themselves while others took it as a reaffirmation of how highly they thought of themselves to begin with. In the not-so-wise words of one of my outspoken friends, “Attention just makes me remember how “hot” I am in the gloomiest of days and that instantly cheers me up.” I wanted to slap myself for being friends with her when she uttered that pure nonsense like it was pure gold. But a moment later, I remembered how she made me delicious soups and not so delicious jaulo every day when I was bed-ridden with flu last year. So, I consoled myself by thinking that maybe I am a different story. Attention from anyone makes me conscious about myself, which then invites clumsiness to kick in with full force. In short, I am a nervous wreck. Everything about my new job was amazing. I liked my role in the overall scheme of the project .I also liked my co-workers. The only thing I dreaded was running across that one particular individual, the attention-giver, in the hallways during lunch breaks. Neither did he say anything nor did he smile. He just stared until I would finally give that “why the hell are you staring at me” look. He would then look away. Ironically enough. the more I tried to escape him, the more conspicuous he seemed to be. Suddenly, I wasn’t running into him only during lunch breaks. Now, he was in the mailroom when I dropped by to buy stamps and he was also in the kitchen when I went in to grab a cup of water. He seemed omnipresent and I couldn’t ignore him anymore. He was somewhat like the Kardashians- they were everywhere and whether you loved them or hated them, you just couldn’t ignore them. One night, I started to question myself if there was something wrong with me. Why was I so flustered by the attention of a man- a really attractive one at that. I should be flattered, not flustered. Why am I, a college graduate, acting like a seventh grader all over again? I couldn't come up with a viable conclusion of what my story exactly was at that point. Amidst the urge to call my aforementioned friend for some advice(?), I decided against it and laughed my guts off at George Carlin videos before I  called it a night. to be continued…. Last edited: 28-Nov-11 07:06 PM Last edited: 28-Nov-11 07:08 PM

aviatorchick · Nov 28, 2011 7:00 PM · 12,540 views

3 Replies

Nice1 gal. Looking fwd to the second inning. However,  I was confused by the "he/she" pronoun you relate to. Furthermore, followings are couple of the categorized girls that observed till date and you know where you belong sometimes girls get the attention they deserve but can't handle it. sometimes girls get the handleable attention but don't want to confess/express in return aka  "attention seeker". sometimes girls get the unwanted attention all because they are introvert/secretive/mysterious till they open their mouth. ...

no_more_crush · Nov 28, 2011 7:14 PM

Thanks for reading :) I'm sorry but I don't understand what you meant by "he/she" pronoun in your comment. Could you direct me to specific lines/sentences so that I could look over them for revision? And I dunno what catefory I fit into. If I did, I would have titled this writing as " All Figured Out". LOL :)  

aviatorchick · Nov 28, 2011 7:26 PM

Couple of notes: I assume you are a girl as your profile name suggests (chick). Furthermore;  also assuming you are a straight girl, I take it as a guy when you mentioned him (obviously). avoid editing the original content. Just let it be as original as it is when you first thought about it. BTW, you already edited twice. Above were only my own observation/suggestion. Most of the other readers might not have been confused in the first hand. So you can totally if=gnore my comments. Continue your writing My observation about the associated pronouns marked by bold/underline: I silently prayed for him to look away so that my heart would return to its ordinary state of rhythmic beats that I was used to. I don’t know why I felt so uncomfortable being looked at. Some of my friends claimed that attention from guys made them feel good about themselves while others took it as a reaffirmation of how highly they thought of themselves to begin with. In the not-so-wise words of one of my outspoken friends, “Attention just makes me remember how “hot” I am in the gloomiest of days and that instantly cheers me up.” I wanted to slap myself for being friends with her when she uttered that pure nonsense like it was pure gold. But a moment later, I remembered how she made me delicious soups and not so delicious jaulo every day when I was bed-ridden with flu last year. Last edited: 28-Nov-11 07:37 PM

no_more_crush · Nov 28, 2011 7:37 PM

This conversation is preserved exactly as it was on the original Sajha.com and can't accept new replies.

Start a New Discussion

figuring myself out

You might be interested in...