Christine was packing for her husband Tom's business trip associated with their home based business. Tom appeared angry and angry and told Christine to fire their account officer the next morning. "This guy is terrible, I had to do everything myself to prepare this damn presentation...fire him tomorrow". Understanding his stress, Christine soothed Tom and took her to the bed so that he can wake up fresh tomorrow. Next morning, the account officer reached office on time, Tom had already left for airport. Christine called the accountant to the bedroom - accountant surprised - and after they were done with fúcking Christine gave $100 and told that he's been fired."Just $100 and I'm fired? I need at least my last week's salary" accountant asked"When I asked Tom if I should give you anything he said 'fúck him!don't even give him a penny' . You're lucky that you are getting $100 from my pocket" Last edited: 09-Nov-10 12:39 PM

lamjung · Nov 9, 2010 12:39 PM

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday." Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this... O o ...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?", he asked the second boy, "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?", "Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles)  o O I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before prison, ..."

dHwasE · Nov 9, 2010 12:50 PM

These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many, many years. The first guy asks the second guy, "How have things been going?" Second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy, "I  w a s  a l m o s t  m a r r i e d." The first guy says in amazement, "Hey, you don't stutter any more."  The answer comes, "Y e s  I  w e n t  t o  a  d o c t o r  a n d  h e  t o l d  m e  t h a t  i f  I s p e a k  s l o w l y  I  w i l l  n o t  s t u t t e r."  The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was almost married.  "W e l l  m y  f i a n c e e  a n d  I  w e r e  s i t t i n g  o n  h e r  p o r c h  a n d  t h e  d o g  w a s  s c r a t c h i n g  h i s  b a c k  a n d  I  t o l d  h e r  t h a t  w h e n  w e  a r e  m a r r i e d s h e  c a n  d o  t h a t  f o r  m e  a n d  s h e  t h r e w  t h e  r i n g  i n  m y  f a c e." "Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first friend.  "W e l l, I  s p e a k  s o  s l o w l y  t h a t  b y  t h e  t i m e  s h e  l o o k e d  a t  t h e  d o g, h e  w a s  l i c k i n g  h i s  b a l l s!"

dHwasE · Nov 10, 2010 12:17 PM

One day a little indian boy walked up to the chief and said "Me ready for women." The chief said "Before you can have a real women, you must go into the woods and practice on the trees for three days" The Indian boy said "Ok," and went off into the woods. Three days later, he returns and says "Me ready for women." The Indian cheif says "Pick out any woman you want and take her inside the teepee." The boy picked a women, escorted her into the teepee and said "Take off all your clothes, bend over and grab your ankles." The women asked "Why?", but the boy told her to just to bend over. The women bent over, and the boy kicked her in the ass. "Why the hell did you do that?" she asked. "Just checking for bees." replied the boy.

dHwasE · Nov 11, 2010 12:11 PM

A US-return couple died in a cab accident during their Nepal trip during last Dashain. Wife died on the spot, the husband made up to the Kathmandu Model Hospital but he and the cab-driver were pronounced dead immediately at the ER. Chitragupta asked the husband "I'm Chitragupta, the person who calculates the sins in a person's lifetime and decides whether to send to heaven or hell. Ok, tell me the sins you in your life."US-return: "Sir, I don't remember committing any sin, the only sin is that I fúcked my gas station owner's wife once. I am really loyal to my wife, so I never did anything wrong outside"Chitragupta: "OK, I saw your account, there's only one lady in your life other than your wife. That's fine, you go to heven in this brand new car. Drive straight ahead take the Heaven-ramp on the left." Chitragupta then turns to the cab-driver and says, "OK, tell me about yourself"Cab driver: Sir, I had quite a few girlfriends although I am still unmarried. I even dated many of my cab passengers too. And yesterday I slept with that man's wife when she came to negotiate the price for today's cab-trip to Dakshinkali.Chitragupta: "That's a little too much in your account. Take this old-motorcycle and take the Hell-ramp on the right"Cab driver starts the motorbike, drives forward and, to his surprise, sees the US-return's car stopped near the hell-ramp. He was supposed to go to heaven! Cab driver approaches the driver window and sees the US-return crying with his head banging over the steering."What happened man? You've such a good car to go to Heaven, why are you stuck here?" Cab-driver says. To which the US-return replies:"Do you see someone struggling to fix the broken bike-chain over there in the hell-ramp?............That's my wife" (heard at Bharatpur Medical College, 2008)

lamjung · Nov 11, 2010 2:23 PM

Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks." She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it." They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can't see anything, because it's too dark, so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL." She says, "Thank you." He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?" She says, "Go ahead." He says, "Can you pee through all that hair?" She says, "Of course." He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."

dHwasE · Nov 12, 2010 12:14 PM