Dear lord. You know lord and you know all. It is crystal clear. Everyday when I start to pen down some of my feelings then I feel the rigidness of my situation as if the end of the world is flashing before my eyes, then I often think of you. You must have calculated if you have not created this miserable situation. Anyhow, I have many complains but I think I have few to show you which simply is an attempt to appear that I am the cause of every misfortune. Neither do I know nor do I care to know, though what difference it might make knowing it, the cause of all this horrible situation that is upon me. But I do know that I am obsessed with misery from sunrise to sunset, from college to work, from vodka to water. I also know that I want happiness and this happiness should not be bound in impulse of vodka, scholarship of the college, handsome pay check from the gas station. I searched happiness in them, I held those things but never saw a short glimpse of happiness. Then from the depth of my heart, I felt I am a human and too human. Thus, I chose another road which was a longing for a philosophical and a spiritual happiness. Subsequently, I felt harder then I realized all was illusion. Well lord, I think I forgot the purpose of writing this note. It is not a big deal, I was left stranded for days when I tried to think what 'interesting' thing I did in the past year. It has been natural and I have accumulated enough sorrow to digest anything. If you are angry at me then do not consider my words which are too weak to impress you. If you are angry, then just look at my past which was steep and long. Look at my dreams and hard work. If knowingly or unknowingly I have committed any sin then I am ready for the eternal punishment. I wonder what could be harder than this miserable and harsh situation. When I talk about my agony with someone, they counsel me showing other victims of pain. But I have realized none can feel my pain and I can never feel others' pain. Its all you and you alone. I think of my life and life in general. Then I came to a conclusion that life is a single and complete mission which should be unfailing. When it fails it fails forever. I do not dismiss the possibility  of changes that occurs in life.   But these days when I am in pain, "हिडि रहेछु काहि पुग्नलाई, तर कहिले कहि पुग्दिन, जहाँ पुग्छु एक टुक्र धर्ती माथि हुन्छु ."