lol

RUKDHELL · Mar 21, 2010 8:16 AM

ha ha ha ha..funny

planB · Mar 21, 2010 8:34 AM

I find it very creative though it is VIP category...

lovenepalalways · Mar 21, 2010 6:06 PM

ha ha funny

wai_wai · Mar 21, 2010 6:38 PM

OMG..........This is Hilarious!

chihankipari · Mar 21, 2010 8:55 PM

How about from the girl side who is going to marry a billionaire, wanted to marry a virgin girl. This girl has been in the old human business went to see a doctor and got some advise. Have massage daily and not more  sex with other player. Do not show your expertise on the first night of Honeymoon and pretend you are kind of hurt when the thing slides down within you. The day arrived and on the honeymoon night, she fully corroborates the advise but all of sudden the rich man cries loud with a pain, when asked what happen?. The answer was his "balls are in"too.

syanjali · Mar 22, 2010 11:23 AM

one boy n girl r havin sex n then the girl asks the boy to put his finger inside her pusss n again she asks him to slide another finger and boys does that without any hesitation and then she asks him to put his whole palm inside and again she asks him to put his whole hand in then again she asks him to put his another hand also inside then she asks the boy now clap......the boys says i cant do it then the girl replies DIDNT I TELL YOU I WAS SO TIGHT......

shantasamundra · Mar 22, 2010 8:10 PM

@shantasamundra.....this ain't funny nomore....

chihankipari · Mar 22, 2010 10:29 PM

k ho chihankipari timro pusss pani testai cha ki kya ho????? you look so offended.......

shantasamundra · Mar 23, 2010 2:31 AM

Q: What does pizza delivary man and a gynecologist have in common? A: Both can smell it but can't eat it.

जय नेपाल · Mar 23, 2010 2:47 AM

this guy and a girl were making out in their convertible on a freeway while driving. the girl decides it would be better if they parked somewhere. the guy pull over to the shoulder and continues humping and being humped. a few minutes and they are all naked. A race car zooms by and their clothes are all gone across the freeway. amused, the guy while holding his dick, requests the girl to go to the other side of the road and get the clothes back that are stuck on the bushes. the girl says its not possible as she is naked too :-) the guy hands her over his pair of shoes and tells her to cover her puss. the girl runs over to the other side, when a cop pulls over and announces on his mike - "arite, i want you to put your  hands in the air and slowly step forward ...." the girl says she cannot, the officer asks why not? the girl says pointing towards the shoes covering her puss "can't you see this?" the officer responds: "Geez! ok that applies to you to sir..... come out of that hole right now! I can still see your boots!"

ramprasadneupane · Mar 23, 2010 11:50 AM

kale ekdin tole ka saathi haru sanga lukamari kheldaithyo, tettikai ma euta panjabi cheu ko jhaadi ma aayera mutradaan garna laagechha. punjabi ko tunturo dekhera kaale le afno tunturo herechha ra chhakka pardai bhanechha "punjabi uncle, punjabi uncle, aapka laada itnaa badaa kaise huwaa?" :-) punjabi jharkidai bhanechha - utaa jaaa! kalele feri sodhechha  - "naai, bhaniye na bhaniye punjabi uncle, aapka laada itnaa badaa kaise huwaa?" :-) dikka bhayera punjabi le bhanechha - chanaa khao chanaa, chanaa khaanese land bada hota hai danga pardai, ufridai kaale daudadai ghar aayera aama lai bhanechha -aama aama paach ruppe din na .... dinu na bhanyaa aama timchhak pardai bhanichan - hoina talai ekabihanai paach ruppe kina chaahiyo huh? homework garish? kaale- naaaaaaaaaaaaaaai, dinu na peleej aama- paile bhan kina chaahiyo kale- hyaaaaaa ... dinu na bhanya aama - pahile bhan ani dimlaa kale - malai punjabi uncle le bhanya chana khayo bhane turi thulo hunchha re aama -  eh ho ra? laaah dus ruppe kaale - dus ruppe? aama - paach ruppe ko ta khaaa ... paach ruppe ko tero baau lai lyaide

ramprasadneupane · Mar 23, 2010 11:56 AM

herdaa herdai kaale thulo bhayechha ra kathmandu shankerdev padhna aayechha bagbazar ma euta kothaa ni liyechha ek dui din pachi kaale le thaa paayo, pallo kotha ma euti padma kanya ki chwaak basdi raichhe ek din dui din tin din... kale lai atti bhayechha ra ek din drill machine lyaayera dui kotha ko bichha ko bhitta ma drill garechha.... yesso chiyaayera herna milne gari ani din raat sutukka herna thaalechha chwaak laai utaaa chwaak pani khariyeki raichhin, college jaanu aghi, college bata aaye pachi, khanu aghi, khaye pachi ra sutnu aghi .. chwaak jahile ni hasta maithun gardi rachhin .. kahile aulaa le ta kahile mainbatti le...kahile coke ko bottle le ... kahile kera le ... kahile kaakro le .... chwaak nabhayeko belaama kaale pani dil kholera tyo bhitta ko dulo prayog gardo raichha .. bhittai maa dina thaalechha ... dhit marne gari yesai gari dui bidhyaarthi ko din charya chaldai thiyo ..... suni sakyaaa ho yo? suni sakyaa ta hoina ni? suni sakya hoina bhane bhanam natra arko daami chha ...

ramprasadneupane · Mar 23, 2010 12:04 PM

jaos na jaos ramprasad ji :D

dHwasE · Mar 23, 2010 12:08 PM

sunya chaina yar ramprasad finish it

shantasamundra · Mar 23, 2010 12:27 PM

v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);} Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} yo joke dhwase ji ra shantasamundra ji  laai delicated hai ta ... kramasha ..... kaale le yessai ta bachhai dekhi chanaa khaako, tes maathi bademaan ko kaalo tunturo .... utaa chwaak ko bhane gaam bata paiso aauna banda bhayechha ... sukilo, tanakka tankiyeko kandamul prayog garne baani unko .. aba bhane hamme hamme parechha chwaak laai ... ke garne bhaadaa tirnai paryo ... khaanai paryo ... hastamaithun garnai paryo .... ki kasso? bichari ...ek din dui din garera sappai paiso sakkaichhin ..! paryo fasad ! paiso sakkiye pachi, bistaarai kandamul-janya  hastamaithun pani rokkine bho ! uta kaale laai bor hunu bhayechha, sadhai chwaak aulaa prayog garna laagin  -jun tyeti interesting thiyena kaale ko laagi! dikka maanera kaale le 3 suka bhitta ko pwaak bata chwaak ko kothaa ma khasaaldiyechha! chwaak beluki kotha ma aauda, 3 sukaa dekhera danga parin ra daudadai tarkari kinmel garna gayin. raamchha ko trakari pasal ma dherai din pachi chwaak aayeko dekhera raamchha le bhanechhan ~ owaa chwaak ... chhu ju la? kaTa gayab bhayera lyaayeko haa? chwaak - hoina dai, exam aayera ni! raamchha - yeeee.... Tyei Ta bhanya ... kaTa gayo bhaneko Ta jaach po Di ra raichha baa ... Tarkiri line hoina Ta? chwaak- ho ni dai, lauka ko kati dai? sahu - 3 mohar chwaak- karela ko? sahu - 5 suka chwaak - bhanta ko? sahu - kalo galeko bhanta ko 1 ruppe, hariyo sukilo ko 5 suka ... line ho? kyaa kaTara chha... makhalaa? laamo laamo .... kaaa? chwaak  - hyaa dai pani, kasto mahango ni? sahu - kaaaa? nepal banda hoina aaja? line bahye leu natra naleu chwaak - dai ma sanga 3 suka chha.... yo hariyo bhanta dinus na sahu - hundaina hundaina aafnai 1 ruppe parya chha.. la line bhaye saau ko taau  la Timlaai bhanera 1 ruppe.... hoina bhane yo kaaaalo galye~kwo bhanta liyera jaau 3 suka la Timlai paile Dekhi chinyaakwo bhera ... badhya bhayera, nachaaha nachaahadai chwaak kaalo bhanta liyera kothaa farkichhin ... kaale pani danga parera tamtayar bhayera basechha .... chwaak majaale bhanta-maithun garna laagichhin ... tara paryo fasaad? galeko bhanta .... garnai gaaro bhayechha ... tettikaimaa chwaak le bhitta ko dulo dekhichhin ..! khushi hudai, bhanta laai bhitta ko dulo ma chhiryaaudai majaa le bhittajanya bhanta-maithun garna laagichhin ... utaa hamro kaale laai parnu pir parechha, hudo khaado ko euta dulo, tyo pani chhekiyo baaaa! ranakka risaaudai kaale le bhanta taanechha dulobata ra hatta-na-patta aafno bademaan ko tunturo haalechha utaa chwaak le thaha napaai bhitta ragadan gareko garyai garichhin ... jindagi ma napaayeko santusti both of them le paaye chhan... ebam prakar le 3 suka ko dincharya suru bhayechha 9 months pachhi ko kuro ho ... chwaak le euta ghorle chhoro paayichhin ... chakka parichhin ! kasari paaiyo? dimaag kharaab!!! bachho kaalo barna ko bhayeko le naam pani "Kishna" raakhichhin. Last edited: 30-Mar-10 12:55 PM

ramprasadneupane · Mar 23, 2010 1:21 PM

kisne 5 barsa ko hudo ho, ek din tole ka saathi haru sanga aafno baau jhai guchha kheldai thyo.... tettikai ma pallo tole ko keta haru aayechhan ra guchha challange garechhan ra kishne le haarechha haraaye pachhi sabai le kishne lai " kaale haruwaa... kaale haruwaaa" bhandai jiskaayechhan rudai rudai kishne ghar aaye chha ra aama laai sodhechha kishne- aama aama malai sabaile kaale bhanchhan, ma kina kaale bhayeko? aama- bhaigo chod de puranaa kura kishne - hoina bhannu na peleej, ma kasari kalo bhaye? aama- utaa jaa... kich kich nagar kishne (uttaano parera khutta fyaaldai ra haat bhui maa bajardai)- naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai aama- na ro na ro ... la ma bhanchhu kishne - kina ta? kasari? aama - her choraa, tyo din ma sanga arko ek sukaa bhaako bhaye, ta aaja kaalo hoina, hariyo hunthis bujhish! kishne- huh? aama- aa!

ramprasadneupane · Mar 23, 2010 1:28 PM

dhanyabad ramprasad ji   petaro ma aru cha bhane tyo pani [Disallowed String for - Bad word 'fuk']am kyare

dHwasE · Mar 23, 2010 1:58 PM

Not that Dirty, but funny. A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquires. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responds. The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

truthspeaker · Mar 23, 2010 2:10 PM

this one is dedicated to ramprasadji but my unicode typing sucks bear with it haiकाले ले को बिहा भएछ तर चिकमारी भने नगर्ने रहेछ बुडी भने खारेर्रा हैरान अणि बुडी ले सासु लाई भनिछिन अणि सासु ले ससुरा लाई तेस्पछि एक दिन बूडो ले छोरा लाई बोलायेरा भनेछ बाबू आज रति जब बुडी संग सुटना जन्छास बुडी को तिगरा बिच को प्वाल माँ तेरो तुरी हाल अणि म बहिरा बटा मादल बजौछु धिंग गर्दा भीतर हाल अनि अर्को धिंग गर्दा बहिरा निकाल,छोरा त्यों दिन रति गएर बुडी को प्वाल म धमाधम बाऊ ले भने अनुसार दिन थालेछ,बाऊ पानी बहिरा मादल मजले बजौदै रहेछ, १० मिनट पछि काले भीतर बटा करायो बा डमरू छैना डमरू

shantasamundra · Mar 23, 2010 2:42 PM

la auta mero tarfa bata pani A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

dHwasE · Mar 23, 2010 2:48 PM

here is another one   A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."     The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."     Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."     As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen." 

dHwasE · Mar 24, 2010 12:01 PM

this one is good as well   One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says “Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you…” Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you. The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop. Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says “Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!” The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says “Surpise, its me the Hippie!” The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says “Surprise, its me the bus driver!”

dHwasE · Mar 24, 2010 12:15 PM

Q: How do you make a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an altar boy. Last edited: 24-Mar-10 10:02 PM

CyLegend · Mar 24, 2010 12:54 PM

ha ha nice one

wai_wai · Mar 24, 2010 1:13 PM

Kaale was waiting for cab at durbar marg...and spots a hot gal standing beside him on a short mini skirt....wind blows real hard and lifts the skirt ...she aint wearin any underwear..so kaale gets a glimpse of her crotches....and he ask the gal..." DD DD tyo ke ho??....shy and surprised she replies" Tyo mero buda le bancharo le haaneko"....Kaale " kya khatra accuracy rahecha thyakkai puttty mai haanecha"..

oaksgang · Mar 25, 2010 9:06 AM

Time to fire the secretary?   It was John's 40th bday and a slow morning for him. He managed to pull himself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping his wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for him. As it turned out, she barely noticed him, let alone "Happy Birthday." He thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember. The kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn't say a word. So John felt pretty dumpy and despondent. As he walked into office, his secretary Joanne said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. He worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o'clock, when Joanne knocked on his door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your Birthday, why don't we go out for lunch, just you and me."  He said, "Thanks, Joanne, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go!" They went to lunch but not where they'd normally go. Instead she took him to a quiet bistro with a private table. They had a couple of mixed drinks and enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't have to go right back to the office, do we?" He replied with "I suppose not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment, it's nearby." After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to him and said, "Boss if you don't mind, I'm goinna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok."  he nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... Followed by hiw wife, his kids, and dozens of his friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday". And John just sat there... on the couch    ........ Naked.

dHwasE · Mar 25, 2010 2:31 PM

ल म पनि एउटा भन्दिउ न त : एकादेशमा दिदी र फुचे भाई रहेछन, उनिहरुको बगैचा रहेछ टन्नै आप फलेको रहेछ, एक दिन दिदी भाई आप टिप्न गएछन, दिदी रुखमा चढिछ अनी भाई चै रुख्को तल बसेछ। माथि रुख्मा हेर्दा भाईले दिदिको "पुतली" देखेछ। अनी: भाई: दिदी दिदी त्यहा के भएको तपाईंको? दिदी: थाहा छैन, नकरा भाई: भन्नुन दिदी त्यहा के भएको? दिदी: थाहा छैन नकरा भनेको सुन्दैनस? भाई: भन्नु न के भन्नु न के भएको त्यहा? दिदी: बन्चरोले काटेको भाई: आम्बो, कस्तो ठ्याक्कै "पुतली" मै बन्चरोले कटेको त दिदी तपाईंको :)

Rodiohead · Mar 25, 2010 4:17 PM

here is one for today A man takes his wife to a livestock show. They start heading down the alley where the bulls are kept. A sign in front of the first bull says: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year! You could learn from him." They proceed to the next bull and that sign states: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That's over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, big time." They proceed to the last bull and his sign reads: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open as she gasps, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That's ONCE A DAY! You could really learn from this one!" The man now irritated, turns to his wife and says, "Yeah, okay. Go on up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same damn cow. "

dHwasE · Mar 26, 2010 11:51 AM

Made my day :) Good ones guys...

llcoola · Mar 26, 2010 12:42 PM

kaale went to a neighbors daughters wedding....the bride sees kaale and flashes her boobs at him....and furiously kaale pulls out his weiner...mean while brides dad catches kaale doin his act..and asks him...Kaale tyo ke gareko....and kaale relpies" pahile tapai ko chori lai sodhnu kina usle malai usko poka dekhayeko....dad goes up and  ask the bride and bride explains" maile ta babu jaa dudh kinera liyera aaija bhaneko buwa"....dad went down and confronts kaale " usle ta talai dudh kinera lyaija po bhaneko rahecha taile kina tero DOLA dekhako".....kaale replies" maile pani ta change paisa le KERA lyau bhanera sodheko"....

oaksgang · Mar 28, 2010 12:51 AM

hahaha ...oaksgang very funny

furke · Mar 28, 2010 8:48 AM

Here is one for today A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty horny. He gets to the point where he can't stand it anymore. So he decides to try and have sex with the donkey. He drops his pants and positions himself under the donkey. But, to his dismay, the donkey walks away. Only slightly discouraged, the man decides to try again. He walks to where the donkey is standing, positions himself under the donkey, and right before he goes for it, the donkey walks away again. Now the man is getting frustrated. As he prepares for his third and final try, he sees a vision. A beautiful, naked woman appears out of nowhere. She approaches the stunned man, who until recently, believed that he was the only person for hundreds of miles. She smiles at him and says, "I would do anything for that bowl of fruit you have." "Anything?" he says, getting fairly excited. "Yes, anything." she replies. So he says, "Will you hold the donkey please?"

dHwasE · Mar 29, 2010 12:52 PM

another kaale jokes... Kaale was sittin with his Grand dad watchin football on TV...Kaale asks grand dad" Hajur Baa.. ma kasari janmeko?? Hajur Ba :  Tero baba ani mommy America gayethiyo honeymoon ko laagi ani khelda kheldai janmis... Kaaale: ani bhai chahi? Hajur ba: Tero baba ra mommy japan gaathyo ghumna lai ..khelda kheldi janmyo.. kaale: ani baba kasari janmeko?? Hajur ba: Ma ani tero hajur aama switzerland gaako thyo honey moon ko laagi..khelda kheldai janmyo.. Kaale: Kasto achamma baa..tyo bela ma [Disallowed String for - bad words]y bhanne hudaina thyo hajur baa??

oaksgang · Mar 30, 2010 9:22 AM

one for the day   On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

dHwasE · Mar 30, 2010 1:09 PM

Here goes another one The wife of a Nepali Kale used to milk the cow. One day she was busy and she told Kale to milk the cow. Kale went there and tried milking the cow. As he reached his hand to cow’s breast, the cow started kicking. He tried again and cow went on kicking him with her rear left leg. Kaale then tied up the cow’s left leg on a side pillar with a rope.   He then tried to milk and again got kicked by right leg. He again tied up the right leg on the pillar. As he tried milking again, he got several lashes by cow’s tail full of cow dung. He tried to tie up the cow’s tail but could not find the rope.   Then he put the nearby stool behind the cow, went up the stool, took out his belt to use as a rope, and started tying up the tail on the ceiling. As he was tying up the cow’s tail in the ceiling, his pants became loose without the belt and fell down just at the moment when his wife came there screaming, “What on earth are you taking so long time?”.

jhyamma · Mar 30, 2010 3:30 PM

one for the day   A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness. Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, "What are those round things hanging there, daddy?" Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life. Without them we wouldn't be here." Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said. To which mommy asks, "Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?"

dHwasE · Mar 31, 2010 12:35 PM

here is what i have for today On her 70th birthday, an old spinnster decides it's time to finnaly get married. Since she has no hot prospects, she decides to run this ad in the local newspaper: " Seventy-year young virgin seeks husband. Must be in same age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, and MUST still be good in bed. Apply in person" The next day, her doorbell rings, and when she opens the door, much to her dismay is a gray haired man in a wheelchair, and he has no arms or legs. She asks the man, "Do you really expect me to choose you? You don't even have any arms or legs!" The old man replies, "Well, I don't have arms, so how could I beat you?" The woman agrees, and asks him to proceed. "I don't have any legs, so how could I run around on you? Again, she agrees, and replies, "But how could you, without any arms or legs, possibly be good in bed?"  The man smiles and says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I!"

dHwasE · Apr 1, 2010 11:46 AM

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother on the other hand was bad and did all the things that men should not do in life and didn't care who he hurt. The bad brother died. He was still missed by his brother since he loved him despite his ways. Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there, and he was very happy. One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn't seen him there. God said that He was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead. The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell, and there was his brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other. Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with you. It is so beautiful here, and I love it. But I don't understand. If my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment." God said to him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde doesn't."

ktg · Apr 1, 2010 1:42 PM

... and that's how man invented BLOW JOB ! Man 1   God 0

wit's end · Apr 1, 2010 1:56 PM

Man 1 God  0.....good one

Poon-Hill · Apr 1, 2010 8:16 PM

one for the day   Three Labrador retrievers - a brown, yellow, and black are sitting  in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation. The black lab turns to the brown and says, "So why are you here?" The brown lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything-the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The black lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?" "Lethal injection," came the reply from the sad brown lab. The black lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you here?" The yellow lab says, “I’m a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch." "So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired. "Lethal injection," the dejected yellow lab said. The yellow lab then turns to the black lab and asks what he's at the vet's office for. I'm a humper," the black lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn’t help myself I hopped on her back and started humping away." The yellow and brown labs exchange a sad glance and say, "So, lethal injection for you too, huh?" The black lab says, "No, no, I'm here to get my nails clipped."

dHwasE · Apr 2, 2010 11:33 AM

A man is having problems with his penis, which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, 'Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your penis is burned out. You only have 30 erections left in your penis.' The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is waiting for him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells her what the doctor told him. She says, 'Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that. We should make a list!' He replies, 'Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn't on it.'

walkahead · Apr 2, 2010 7:36 PM

nice one walkahead here is one for the day from my side A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the men’s room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the men’s room door, it was "OCCUPIED". The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The buttons were marked "WW, WA, PP and ATR".  Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway.  He carefully pressed the first button marked "WW" and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, "WOW, the women really have it made!” Still curious, he pressed the button marked "WA" and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world! The button marked "PP" yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn't resist the last button marked "ATR".  When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse. When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!" The nurse replied, "Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the "ATR" button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover... Your penis is under your pillow!"

dHwasE · Apr 5, 2010 2:34 PM

Unga Bunga Once there were three scientists who were walking in the woods. They were searching for butterflys. While they were sleeping that night a tribe captured them and put them in a tent. The first guy wakes up and sees the tribe cheif with a spear he says: Death or Unga Bunga? The first guy says: "Unga bunga " because I don't want to die! So they take him away. Unga Bunga is a guy with 18" long penis and he sticks it up the other guys butt for 5 minutes and then only he knows what Unga Bunga is . Then the second guy wakes up and he sees the first guy come staggering back saying: Pick death! Pick death! But the guy doesn't believe him ,so he picks Unga Bunga. And then the same thing happens to him. Then the third guy wakes up and see the guy staggering back saying: Pick Death! So the guy figures that what the heck? And he picks death and then the chief says: Death! by Unga Bunga!

dHwasE · Apr 6, 2010 11:58 AM

Pickle Slicer A husband went home after working at his job in a restaurant. His wife noticed he seemed a little bit aggravated so she asked him what was wrong. After some coaxing, he finally told her that he had been having an urge to put his dick in the pickle-slicer at work. His wife was astonished and told him he should really do something about that. An urge like that could not be healthy at all. He said that he would and they left it at that. A week later, the husband came home smiling and completely happy. His wife asked him what happened that would put him in such a good mood. He said, "I finally did it! I put my dick in the pickle-slicer." The wife asked, "Well, what happened?" Husband: "Oh, well I was fired." Wife: "I mean, what happened with the pickle-slicer?"  Husband: "Oh, she got fired too!"

dHwasE · Apr 7, 2010 12:45 PM

Why is widescreen format not so popular in Asia? Because of their small eyes, they have always seen in wide screen! Last edited: 07-Apr-10 01:38 PM

grgDai · Apr 7, 2010 1:36 PM

that's racist man... oh wait maybe not GRGDAI is probably talking about his own experience. ;) good one though

ramsingh · Apr 7, 2010 1:46 PM

Ya when I upgraded to widescreen TV I didn't see any difference :)

grgDai · Apr 7, 2010 1:48 PM

Here is one for today A certain married couple had a very healthy sex life. They had sex everyday; in the shower, on the kitchen counter, everywhere imaginable. In fact the wife was somewhat of a nymphomaniac. One day the husband announced that he would be going on a week-long business trip. Deciding that she couldn't go the week without sex she decided to visit a sex shop after she dropped him off at the airport. She was looking at the selections of dildo's and could not find what she was looking for. She asked the man at the counter if he had anything really special. The man hesitated, looked around the shop, and took a deep breath, "I really shouldn't be showing you this, but you look like a very special lady." He took an old looking wooden box out from under the counter and removed the lid. As the woman looked inside she announced that it was just like any other in the store. The man said, "Ah, but you see, it most certainly is not! It is the voodoo penis and all you have to do is say "voodoo penis" and then where ever you want it to go." The man decided to demonstrate the powers of the "voodoo penis". He commanded, "VOODOO PENIS, THE DOOR!" The dildo rose from the box and began its work on the door. The door began to buckle and sway. Splinters of wood flew around the room. The man yelled, "Voodoo Penis, return to the box!" The woman was so impressed with it she bought it right away and took it straight home. The woman, excited to try it, undressed and commanded, "Voodoo Penis my crotch!" The penis went straight to pumping. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she decided that it was enough, only she had forgotten how to return it to the box. After tugging for what seemed like hours, she decided to drive to the hospital for help. She put her clothes back on and began to drive, quivering with each thrust of the dildo. After one intense orgasm she swerved all over the road. A policeman, seeing this, pulled her over, and asked her if she had had something to drink. She replied that she had a voodoo penis stuck in her crotch and it would not stop screwing her. The policeman in an arrogant tone of voice said, "Voodoo Penis, My ASS!!"    

dHwasE · Apr 8, 2010 11:23 AM

What did one tampon say to the other? They didn't say anything; they were both stuck up bitches.

kukhura chor · Apr 9, 2010 2:54 PM

thanks KC bro for filling in, here is what i have for today , njoy !!! A beautiful secretary of a bank president was asked to squire around the king of a wealthy African kingdom, one of the bank's most important clients.  After a day shopping & sightseeing, the king was utterly besotted with the lady, and asked for her hand in marriage. The proposal took the secretary by surprise and she was thinking of how to turn him down politely without jeopardizing the bank's business relationship.  So she told the king that she would only marry him if he fulfilled three conditions. The king readily agreed. The secretary named her first condition. She would only marry him if he could give her a 75-carat diamond ring with matching 200 carat tiara. The king thought for a while and said finally, "No problem! I have, I have".  One down, the lady thought up something more complex. "My second condition is that you must build me a 200 room mansion in the best district of New York City and for my holiday home, a chateau in the middle of the best wine country in France."  The king whipped out his cellular phone and after a lengthy conversation with his broker in New York, he said triumphantly, "OK, I build, I build".  Realizing that she was down to her last defense, the lady thought hard. Finally, she smiled to herself thinking that her third condition was the best yet. Surely the king could not possibly fulfill this one. "Well," she said, "You know, I love sex, so the man I marry MUST have a 14-inch long penis."  The king was silent and thoughtful for a long time, burying his face in his hands. Finally, he shook his head, and in a rather sad, resigned voice said, "OK, OK, I cut, I cut".

dHwasE · Apr 12, 2010 11:43 AM

Liked the last one specially. Aru jawos.

Kiddo · Apr 12, 2010 2:26 PM

There were these three guys outside of a bar. There was a black guy, a white guy, and a chinese guy. They all had been in the bar before and saw this gorgious women.  Well they made a bet to see who could make the woman scream.  The black guy goes in a comes out and the women is laughing, and then the white guys goes in, well after he comes out she is laughing even harder.  The chinese guy goes in and a after a few minutes she is screaming bloody murder. Then he comes out, and the other two guys said how did you do that, and the chinese guy goes "Me chinese, me play trick, me put hot sauce on my dick!" 

walkahead · Apr 12, 2010 9:26 PM

nice one walkahead bro here is one from my side There are three women, the first one goes to the doctor for a checkup and takes her shirt off. The doctor notices an imprint of an H on her chest and says “Why is there an H on your chest?" and the girl says, "because my boyfriend goes to Harvard and he likes to wear his sweater when we have sex. So then the second girl comes up and takes her shirt off and she has an imprint of a Y on her chest, so the doctor says “Why do you have an imprint of a Y on your chest?" and she says "because my boyfriend goes to Yale and he likes to wear his sweater when we have sex. So then the last girl comes up and takes her shirt off and the doctor says “you have an imprint of a M on your chest, let me guess, your boyfriend goes to Michigan?" And she says "no, but my girlfriend goes to Wisconsin".  

dHwasE · Apr 13, 2010 1:26 PM

Let me show you something for the day A man walks into a bar and sees a pudgey, disgustingly pimpled ugly man with the hottest woman he's ever seen. Man walks up to the bartender and says "Wow, how the hell did that pimpled freak land a hottie like that?"... Bartender replies "Beats the hell out of me but the funny thing is, he’s here with her every morning..... Why don’t you ask him?" So the man finally gets up the nerve to approach the fat man and says "Excuse me but... I have to ask.... how in the world did you land such a hottie?" The fat man replies "Well she’s a prostitute." The man is stunned. "Well how did you meet her?" The fat man replies... "Well she’s here every morning at 9am sharp... be here and you’ll get your chance."... So the next day the man comes in and sees the woman at the bar, sitting. He sits down beside her and says "I’m sorry but I have to ask.... are you a prostitute?" The woman replies "Its ok and yes... I am." "Wow.... how much for a handjob then?" The woman replies "$700." "$700??!! Good God lady, don’t you think thats a bit too much, shit!" The woman says "Come to the window I want to show you something" She takes him to the window and points to a red Ferrari outside. "You see that Ferrari?" "Yeah... what about it?" "I paid for it by giving handjobs." "WOW!!! That must be one hell of a handjob." So he pays her the money and gets the best handjob ever.... his legs shake and lips quiver. Next day the man comes back and askes "How much for a blowjob?" "$800" "Holy shit, thats alot of money" "Let me show you something" she says. She takes him back to the window and points to 2 skyscrapers in the city. "You see those skyscrapers?" "Yeah.." "I paid for those giving blowjobs." "WOW!!! Thats one helluva blowjob!!!" So he pays her the money and gets the best blowjob he has ever had..... his eyes roll back in his head and his feet tremble. The next day the man gets up and empties out his entire bank acct. He goes to the bar, sees the woman and says "I’ve got the best handjob and blowjob I have ever had in my life and it was from you....  now I’ve GOT to know how good that pussy is.... how much? Name your price. I’ll pay anything!!!!" The woman says "Come here, let me show you something" She takes him back to the window and points to an island resort with hotels and communities. "You see that island over... with the lavish hotels and prominent communities?" He said "Yeah." She says "If I had a pussy I could have already bought that too."

dHwasE · Apr 14, 2010 11:42 AM

One day there were four nuns in line for confessional. The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned." He asked how. She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water. The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned." He asked how. "I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water. Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting. The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it."

walkahead · Apr 14, 2010 6:43 PM

good one walkahead... here's the one from me A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note -- romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents first, he sealed his package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Darling, I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love, Hollingsworth P.S The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

ktg · Apr 14, 2010 7:03 PM

Funny

walkahead · Apr 14, 2010 7:25 PM

here is one from my side Agnes married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they’re finally together.” One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husbands and all her childrens?” The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.”  

dHwasE · Apr 15, 2010 12:09 PM

TGIF !!! A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded,”Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bull’s eye in your wife’s love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue.” He continued,”Then next, ma’am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.” The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests. Then he told the Greens the bad news. ”I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help.” The Greens pleaded with him repeatedly, and said,”You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us. The docotor says “Ok, go to the store and buy some apples and a box of Cheerios…”

dHwasE · Apr 16, 2010 11:55 AM

@dhwase, lmao.... apples in her love hole and cherrios in his pole

RUKDHELL · Apr 16, 2010 12:45 PM

FYI! please be polite and post short ones preferably. Here goes mine for the day though some of you might have already heard it. Having grown up in a small Alabama town, my friend James couldn't wait to tell us all about life in California, where he was stationed."The malls are massive, and the restaurants are great," he said. Then he grinned. "I even went to a topless bar.""Really?" said his mother, surprised."What do they do if it starts to rain?"

mR. hydE · Apr 16, 2010 12:58 PM

A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Good," she replied. "Get your own [Disallowed String for - bad word]ing blanket." After a moment of silence, he farted.

kukhura chor · Apr 16, 2010 1:16 PM

Yet another: Trying to explain to our five-year-old daughter how much computers had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new personal computer and told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house. Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, “How big was the mouse?”

mR. hydE · Apr 16, 2010 1:35 PM

The Lone Ranger and Tonto have been riding all day on a buffalo hunt. When they stop to rest, Tonto places his ear to the ground and listens. "Buffalo come," Tonto says. "How do you know that?" asks the Lone Ranger. "Ear sticky."

kukhura chor · Apr 16, 2010 1:42 PM

Little Susie comes home from school one day and tells her mother that "Little Johnny showed me his penis today." Alarmed, but staying calm, her mother asks "Oh, that's nice dear-what did you think of it?" Little Susie replied "It was like a peanut."Her mother laughs and says "Oh, you mean it was little like a peanut?"Susie shakes her head, "No mother, it was salty like a peanut."

kukhura chor · Apr 16, 2010 1:46 PM

Three friends decided to bet each other $100 on who could make their wives scream more from sex. They all go home to have sex with their wives and make them scream. The next day the meet. The first friend says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours." The second friend says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that." The third friend says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, It came a couple times, I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming."    

walkahead · Apr 17, 2010 5:37 PM

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. “I’m lost,” said the man.”Can you put me up for the night?” “Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.” “OK,” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, had a fantastic figure and looked like Tera Patrick!!! She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn’t hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, “Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.” “Well, that’s pretty crappy,” he thought. “If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: “Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.” In a panic he glanced down and saw the rock that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, “Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

dHwasE · Apr 19, 2010 12:27 PM

gazzzzzzab!!! Chienese torture!! i know a few of these tortures too !!! man's hands tied to the bed post, legs tied to the other end - three strands of his pubic hair tied with a string to an open wall clock - one on the minute hand, one on the hour hand and one on the second hand  - that hurts?!? same guy, tied to an apple tree this time with his penis head covered with apple sauce but covered by his skin. Thereby exposing the apple sauce only when the head is exposed or erected. The best part - three naked hot women within a meter range from the guy - graciously playing and self healing. Bestest part - the tree has red ants!

ramprasadneupane · Apr 19, 2010 1:05 PM

A guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too." A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too." Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."

walkahead · Apr 19, 2010 5:40 PM

A man wakes up early one morning and decides to go Bear hunting. He tells his wife, “You’ve got three choices; you can go Bear hunting with me, I ll do you anally or you can give me a blowjob. I m gonna load up the truck and get the dog out. Make up your mind before I get back. “ The man returns twenty minutes later and says, “Well what’s it gonna be? “She say s, “There’s no way I m going Bear hunting and you re not doing my ass so I guess it’s a blowjob. “ A couple minutes later she starts choking and spitting and says, “Jesus, you taste like  shit.” "Oh yeah,” he replies, “The dog didn’t want to go Bear hunting either.” Last edited: 20-Apr-10 12:34 PM

dHwasE · Apr 20, 2010 12:33 PM

Here is one for the day An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city for dinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house. When the dish arrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained. “Senor, these are the cojones,” the waiter replied. “The what, you say?” exclaimed the tourist. “They are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today,” explained the waiter. The tourist gulped but tasted the dish anyway, and found it delicious. Returning the following evening, he asked for the same dish. After he finished the meal, the tourist commented to the waiter: “Today’s cojones are much saltier and smaller than the ones I had yesterday.” “True, senor,” agreed the waiter. “You see the bull, he does not always lose.”

dHwasE · Apr 21, 2010 11:58 AM

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, "Well, you see that 3 pack? You'll need that when you're in high school. You'll have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night." The son then asks his father, "What's the 6 pack for?" The father replies, "Well, you'll need the 6 pack when you're in college. You'll have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning." "Well then," replies the son, "what the heck would anyone ever do with a 12 pack?" The father answers, "That's for married folks, son. You'll need 1 for January, 1 for February..."

walkahead · Apr 21, 2010 6:26 PM

good one dhawse bro..here's mine for today M sends James Bond on a secret mission to heaven. When M doesn’t hear from Bond for over a day, he gets worried and calls up heaven. The Virgin Mary picks up the phone and says “Virgin Mary speaking.” M asks her if Bond has reached there yet. She replies that he hasn’t. M waits another few hours and calls heaven back again. “Virgin Mary speaking,” comes the response. “Is James there yet?” asks M. Again the answer is no. M is really worried by this time but he waits for a few more hours and then calls heaven back again. “Hello, Mary speaking…”

ktg · Apr 21, 2010 6:35 PM

nice one walkahead and ktg bro aaja ko khurak !!! Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. “Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.” The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis……sixty times”

dHwasE · Apr 22, 2010 12:57 PM

LOL

walkahead · Apr 22, 2010 8:08 PM

I have some golf tips for the day A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No, no, no,” you re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks the man. “Hold the club gently,” the pro replied, “just like you'd hold your wife’s breast.”The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can’t wait for her lesson.The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, “No, no, no, you re gripping the club way too hard.” “What can I do?” asks the wife.”Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband’s penis.” The wife listens carefully to the pro’s advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft. “That was great,”the pro says. “Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you re supposed to!” says the pro.

dHwasE · Apr 23, 2010 12:02 PM

A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, you have to help me!” The doctor asks, “What’s your problem?” The guy says, “Every morning I wake up with my morning flagpole …give the wife a quick one, and then go to work. On the way to work, I carpool with the next door neighbor’s wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work. Once I get there, I do some work and then at morning tea time, I go into the photocopy room and crank one out with one of the young office girls. At lunch, I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good boning. For afternoon tea, I give the boss’s wife a good servicing. Then, I go home and slip the maid a few inches. Then at night, I give the wife another screw…….” “So…?” asked the doctor. “What’s your problem???” The guy says, “Well, it hurts when I masturbate!”

dHwasE · Apr 26, 2010 2:27 PM

here is some joke which i think might be interesting to you guys......... A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. Soon they were all getting married. Because mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send her a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. The first girl sent a card from Brazil two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card from Paris a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her second daughter. The third girl left for her honeymoon in London. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways". Mom took out her latest Travel magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for British Airways. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted...

viceroy · Apr 26, 2010 5:36 PM

It was funny Viceroy 

furke · Apr 26, 2010 5:41 PM

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

walkahead · Apr 26, 2010 5:50 PM

Mundre is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves. Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says, "Dear Mr. Mundre... All is forgiven. Just tell us...where it is?"

ktg · Apr 26, 2010 6:23 PM

A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, “No. These are for boys.” The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy’s bike and says, “Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!” But the next day, the little girl has the same bike. The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, “Look, only boys have these and your mom can’t buy you one!” The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims, “My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want.”

dHwasE · Apr 27, 2010 12:13 PM

good one dhawse... here's mine There was this little boy about 10 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a ***** house and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said no. He said,"I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want!" Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and that damn milkman is the son-of-a-bi**tch who ran over my FROG!!!." Last edited: 27-Apr-10 02:03 PM Last edited: 27-Apr-10 05:30 PM

ktg · Apr 27, 2010 2:01 PM

a girl is in sunday school and falls asleep.the nun asks her "who died for our sins?" the girls friend pokes her in the neck with a penicl, the girl jumps and yells "JESUS!" the nun replies-"correct". a few minutes later the girl dozzes off again,the nun asks "Who waited 3 days and risen from the grave?" the girls friend pokes her with a penicl and the girl jumps and yell "JESUS!" the nun replies-"correct" a few more minutes later, the girl falls asleep again and the nun asks "what did eve said to adam in the garden?" the girls friend pokes her with the pencil and the girl jumps up and yells "if you poke me with that thing one more time, im gonna ripe it off!!"

ktg · Apr 27, 2010 2:07 PM

ktg wasn't it supposed to be Milkman.. N'way nice one bro.. Love this Thread

walkahead · Apr 27, 2010 4:16 PM

One day a young just married couple were driving in their audi TT. Their names were Harder (male) and [Disallowed String for - bad word] Me (female).  Harder and [Disallowed String for - bad word] me needed some cash, so they stopped at a local bank. Harder  ran in to the ATM while [Disallowed String for - bad word] Me waited in the car. A strange man with an obvious giant boner walks up to the window and says "Hi, whats your name?" and she answers "[Disallowed String for - bad word] Me". So he says "Ok" and gets in the car and screws her. She starts screaming "Harder Harder Harder!!!" And then he says "Lady I can't [Disallowed String for - bad word] that hard!"

walkahead · Apr 27, 2010 4:18 PM

the Disallowed String for the above thread will be F**ck Disallowed String didn't make this joke interesting.. But keep the word then it will be intersting

walkahead · Apr 27, 2010 4:20 PM

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor, and asks for a turkey on her right inner thigh and a Christmas Tree on my left inner thigh.  The tattoo guy looks at her and says, "If you don't mind me asking, why do you want those tattoos in those spots?"  The woman looks at him and replies, "My husband is always complaining he has nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

walkahead · Apr 27, 2010 4:28 PM

another one for the day........... One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard". Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen". The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick". Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats". On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using. Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "[Disallowed String for - bad word]" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen [Disallowed String for - bad word]ing the turkey!

viceroy · Apr 27, 2010 5:56 PM

HAHHAHAHAHA

walkahead · Apr 27, 2010 6:09 PM

seems like u posted ur own pic walkahead , is that right ;-)

boulevard dreams · Apr 27, 2010 6:44 PM

nice ones viceory and ktg bro    One day, little Mikey comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see,  his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong. Mikey watches, and after a couple of minutes asks, “Daddy, can I climb on your back and have a horsy ride?” “Of course, Son, we re a family.” So Mikey climbs on and after a few more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly. “Hang on Dad!”, cries Mikey, “this is where me and the mailman usually fall off!”

dHwasE · Apr 28, 2010 12:20 PM

Here is one for today An old couple in an old folks home are having an affair, nothing much they just sit watching TV late at night while the old woman holds the old mans dick. Then suddenly the old man ends the affair because of another woman. The old woman’s distraught and yells, “What’s THIS OTHER WOMAN GOT THAT I HAVEN'T!” The old man smiles and says, “Parkinson’s disease”

dHwasE · Apr 29, 2010 2:55 PM

TGIF folks A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I m a whore.” The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.” The woman, “OK, I m a prostitute.”. “No, that is still too crude. Try again.” They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I m a chicken farmer.” The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?”. “Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”

dHwasE · Apr 30, 2010 1:25 PM

Here is one from my side....Q: How can you tell if a blond works in an office? A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses's faces.

gwache · Apr 30, 2010 3:13 PM

one moreQ: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white? A: So he can tell if he is coming or going

gwache · Apr 30, 2010 3:30 PM

finally.............Q: What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it? ..........................guess what? .......................... .......................... hahahaah its a $ 20 bill......................lol

gwache · Apr 30, 2010 3:34 PM

hahaahha......lol Q: What is the different between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub? A: one has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.

gwache · Apr 30, 2010 3:37 PM

A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked, "Boy. What is your problem?" Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!" Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed. The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Boy.: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Boy.: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the 4th grade." Madam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?" The principal and boy both agreed. Madam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of"? Boy, after a moment "Legs." Madam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" Boy.: "Pockets." Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? Boy.: Coconut Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge. Boy.: Bubblegum Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer... Boy.: Shake hands Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Boy.: Tent Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg. Boy.: Wedding Ring Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Boy.: Nose Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. Boy.: Arrow Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement? Boy.: Firetruck Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it, u have to use urhand. Boy.: Fork Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't have his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married? Boy.: SURNAME. Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ? Boy.: HEART. The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this Boy to MIT!, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!".

ganapati · May 2, 2010 1:42 PM

its nothing like a rated joke, but a good one...   The two thousand member church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.             One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.             The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"             Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.             After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.             The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."

ganapati · May 2, 2010 2:03 PM

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn. “What happened to you?” asked Bill. “Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me.” “My God, what did you tell them?” asks Clinton. The driver replies, “I m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”

dHwasE · May 3, 2010 12:15 PM

Yesterday, University scientists in the UK released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should now take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects: 1) Gained weight. 2) Talked excessively without making sense. 3) Became overly emotional. 4) Couldn't drive. 5) Failed to think rationally. 6) Argued over nothing. 7) Had to sit down while urinating. 8) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong. No further testing was considered necessary.

ganapati · May 4, 2010 7:16 AM

dhilai bhaye pani, aaja ko quota ta pura garnai paryo   The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living. One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer. When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said "My mom's a whore." Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned in a happy mood. So the teacher asked "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" Johnny said, "Yes." "Well, what did the principal say?" "He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me a pocket full of lollies and asked for my home  phone number..."

dHwasE · May 4, 2010 4:14 PM

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man! I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning again. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaned, "I need a bike! I need a bike!"

dHwasE · May 5, 2010 11:28 AM

The teacher decided that in science class, she would teach her students about different materials. Standing at the front of the class, she asked, "Children, if you were able to have one raw material in the world, what would it be?" Raising his hand, little Timmy said, "I would choose gold. It's worth lots of money and I could by a Porche." Next, little Lois raised her hand and said, "I would want platinum because it's worth more than gold and I could by a Corvette." "Very good, both of you," said the teacher. "Johnny, what would you want?" Little Johnny stood up and said, "Oh, I would want silicon." "Why would you want silicon, Johnny?" asked the teacher. "Heck, my mom has two bags of it and you wouldn't believe all the sports cars outside our house!" he replied.

dHwasE · May 6, 2010 12:11 PM

one for the day Two old biddies were talking about thier sex lives with thier husbands since moving to a nursing home. they both agreed that life was great  but Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died. Elizabeth said that her sex life was great. She said , "The secret to great sex is , when my husband is getting ready for bed, i get undressed , lie on the bed and put both legs behind my head. When he comes out and sees me like that, he gets so excited so that we have wild sex all over the night. " Ethel also thought of giving it a try and that night she took off her all clothes, and although it was a struggle, she was able to put her both legs behind her head, one by one, and she falls backwards and cant move . Its not too long before Harold comes out of the bathroom and with a shocked look on his face , says " For god's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put on your teeth in , you look like an asshole."

dHwasE · May 7, 2010 2:11 PM

Here's my first joke for this thread.. One day little johny ask his mom her age, his mom said, gentleman dont ask such question... The other day, johny again ask his mom what is her weight, his mom replies gentleman dont as such question... Than johny ask her why did dad left her, she got angry and said quit asking such questions.. One day Johny's mom drop her license from her wallet and little Johny found it and examined it and said hey mom you're 36 years old, you weigh 136 pound and dad left you because you got F in sex.......

boulevard dreams · May 7, 2010 4:17 PM

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril,and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He was gourgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle,unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman,and whispers: "iron!"

ganapati · May 7, 2010 5:11 PM

enjoy Little Suzy raised her hand during a biology lesson and asked if her grandmother could have a baby. The teacher was a bit surprised at the question but answered that the grandmother was too old to have babies. "So what about my mother?" asked Little Suzy. The teacher said that it was possible, but that her mother was probably getting too old to be having babies as well. "Well, then could I have a baby?" she wanted to know. "Goodness no!" said the teacher, "you are much too young." "See!" yelled Little Johnny from the back of the classroom, "I told you YOU didn't have anything to worry about!"

dHwasE · May 10, 2010 12:59 PM

Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development. At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes. Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's' crude remarks. It is very likely that tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems that if he says anything that appears rude, I would like you all to get up and leave the classroom." Everybody agreed to this plan. Next day - Teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead Anita." Anita: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk." Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes Suzie!" Suzie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home." Teacher: "Excellent, thank-you Suzie!" At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the Teacher asks: "Oh heavens, Johnny tell me what new development is being built near your home." Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel." As planned, all the young ladies get up and proceed to leave. Little Johnny says, "Hey relax...sluts, it hasn't opened yet!"

dHwasE · May 11, 2010 12:10 PM

Subject:jokemail  Traffic Signals Explained !!  

morange · May 11, 2010 7:09 PM

  Mother knows best?... One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn’t figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something get hard, so I ran."  

badure · May 11, 2010 11:21 PM

LOL.. the only reason i open sajha.com.. is for this thread>>> whoever opened it.. Opened the Right Stuff..  

walkahead · May 12, 2010 8:18 AM

                                 WHY AM I MARRIED? You have choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. __________ At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' 'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.' __________ A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: 'Husband Wanted'. Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' __________ When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. __________ A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished . __________ A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?' Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.' __________ A young son asked, 'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?' Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.' __________ Then there was a woman who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.' __________ Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. __________ If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep. __________ Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. __________ First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!' Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.' __________ 'A Woman's Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death' __________ AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!! Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.' The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'

STUPIDA · May 12, 2010 9:25 AM

One for the day, enjoy  guys Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game withfriends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself...television, ice cream, homework, video games...but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held. The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home.One of the player at the table was really mad and yelled ,"Hey kid, Jerk off ". At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny, and without comment the game resumed. For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the card players continued without any further interruptions. After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in the world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!" "Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to jerk off.

dHwasE · May 12, 2010 1:12 PM

A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came into the exam room and asked about her problem. She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina. So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination. "I'm sorry, Miss," he said, "but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy , delicate and expensive surgical operation." "I'm not sure I can afford it," sighed the young woman. "But while I am here could you just replace the batteries? "

walkahead · May 12, 2010 9:26 PM

good one walkahead bro, here is one for the day One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, “You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle.” While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence. The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, “You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra.” This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, “You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the pool man and your brother."

dHwasE · May 13, 2010 11:56 AM

Does your computer not work as well as it used it, but you are scared to bring it to someone to get it fixed because you don't want anyone seeing what you've downloaded? I fix computers for under $50. Completely confidential, i don't even look at your files. I just wipe out the hard drive and and reinstall windows. Your computer will be as good as new.

NayaSadak · May 13, 2010 4:30 PM

TGIF  Folks A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.  He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."  The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.  The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.  The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."  The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

dHwasE · May 14, 2010 11:58 AM

There was this kid that always got picked on at school. Everyday his friends and kids that went to school always said to him f**k you. Well the dumb kid always was curious about what the word f**k means. One day he got real sad and wanted to know what it meant, so he ran home and rushed in the house screaming out for his father. He yelled "pah" and then his pa came out and asked what the hell you want boy? The boy said "pah" what does f**k mean. And then his pah said son I think its time you knew what f**k means. Pah then yelled out "mah" get down here, son wants to know what f**k means. Mah comes down stairs, pah says mah take off your clothes and get in your position. He turns to his son and says, son you see that pink spot on mah."uh huh" watch your pah go to work. Then the boy’s sister came in the door and says what are they doin? The boy turns his head and with a smile he says they are [Disallowed String for - banned word]ing. Sister says what does f**k mean. WELL YOU SEE THAT BROWN SPOT ON PAH "uh huh" WATCH YOUR BROTHER GO TO WORK

walkahead · May 14, 2010 5:47 PM

>>Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?" His dad sighs and > >>replies, > >>"Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway! > >>Well, you > >>see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then > >>I set up > >>a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a  cyber-cafe. We > >>sneaked into > >>a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my > >>hard drive. > >>As soon  as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one > >>of us had > >>used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. Six > >>weeks > >>later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating > >>system > >>was showing signs of unauthorized program activity >from a self > >>extracting > >>file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. Then nine months later > >>a little > >>Pop-Up appeared and said: "You've Got Male!"" > >> > >> > >>

morange · May 15, 2010 4:18 AM

Nice one After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.  "C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?" "Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit". Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her. "Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."

walkahead · May 15, 2010 5:21 PM

@ grg dai: wide screen ta k, even an lcd wasn't any better!

kailo · May 15, 2010 11:50 PM

This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her puzzy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight puzzy!"

default061 · May 17, 2010 12:16 AM

enjoy This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it. "Oh my God!" she exclaims and drives into town to find the local law. She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town bar. "It figures," she says as she storms inside.  The first thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff who's sitting at the bar with his drink. "What kind of sick town are you running here? I drive into town and almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal.... and then ...I come in here ...and see this old man in the corner jacking-off right in public!" "Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "You don't expect him to catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"

dHwasE · May 17, 2010 11:33 AM

A husband and wife are in the shower together. Suddenly there is a knock at the door. The husband asks, "Babe can you get that please?" the wife replies "Sure". The wife puts on a robe and goes downstairs to open the door. At the door its Bill the husbands bestfriend. "Hi is your husband in?" asks Bill. "He is unavailable at the moment" replies the wife. "Ah ok" says Bill. As Bill is about to leave he turns back to the wife and says "I have £400 in my pocket, if you flash me your ti*s you can have it" the wife feels offended but then realizes she needs that money, so she goes ahead and flashes and takes the £400. As Bill is about to leave he turns round and says "I have another £400 in my pocket, if you let me feel your ti*s" the wife again feels offended but remembers that she could do with all the extra money and lets him feel her ti*s. Bill gives her the money and leaves. The wife walks up the stairs feeling very guilty but tries to forget it all.  When she gets back into the shower her husband asks "Who was that?" The wife replies "Oh it was just Bill." The husband replies "That bastard owes me £800!"

walkahead · May 17, 2010 4:09 PM

This Thread is really Awesome.. Thankz to the Creator.. 

walkahead · May 17, 2010 4:14 PM

   Two pathans Gul Mohammed and Yar Mohammed were > >great friends. One of them used to live in Karachi and > >the other lived in Peshawar. Both missed each other a > >lot. They decided to buy mobiles. As they went through > >the tariff they found that it was very costly. Both of > >them were very miserly so they decided to keep the > >mobiles as a status symbol, but were loathe to use it. > >They decided to use pigeons as messengers. > >      Gul sent a message to Yar:"How are you?" > >      Yar replied " I am fine." > >      Gul to Yar: "How are the children?" > >      Yar to Gul: " They are fine?" > > > >      So on and so forth, they kept >exchanging the > >messages. > >      Then Yar semt a pigeon to Gul with a blank paper > >without a message. > >      Gul was puzzled. He sent a message to Yar > >      "Yar! kabootar aaya, parcha bhi aaya, par na aage > >kuchh, na pichhe kuchh" > >      Yar replied, " I gave a missed call." > >                   xxxxxxxxxx > >

Morange · May 18, 2010 6:26 AM

A wife got curious one day and asked her husband, "Honey, how many girls have you slept with?" Husband replies, Sweetie, You're the only girl i have ever slept with in my whole lie, with all of the other girls i was awake,".... ;-)  

boulevard dreams · May 18, 2010 12:27 PM

nice one boulevard dreams , and here is what i have for today Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.  "We credit this to one of our parents, sir," the older one replied.  "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our mother."  "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."

dHwasE · May 18, 2010 12:38 PM

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 I Love this page. here I go. ---------------------------------------- Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Col

ktmu · May 18, 2010 2:36 PM

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.&nbsp;One rainy day&nbsp;she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.&nbsp; 'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'&nbsp; 'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'&nbsp; 'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'&nbsp; So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.&nbsp; Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.&nbsp; Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.&nbsp; 'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'&nbsp; Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'&nbsp; 'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'&nbsp; Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'&nbsp; 'Nope...just when it's raining..'&nbsp; &nbsp;

ktmu · May 18, 2010 2:38 PM

One day, King&nbsp;decided to give prize to a best loyal bodyguard soldier&nbsp;from his 3 loyal bodyguard soldiers. He asked his gorgeous wife (queen)&nbsp;to take off her all clothes and put a small blade in her pu**y. Then&nbsp;king left&nbsp;queen alone in the room and asked his 1st body guard to enter queen's room.&nbsp;1st bodyguard went inside and came back after few seconds. When bodyguard came back, king check his d**k and found&nbsp;wound. Then king said, f**k ....o*f, you're&nbsp;not my loyal guard. Then king asked to 2nd bodyguard&nbsp;to enter the room and again when 2nd bodyguard came back&nbsp;king found wound in 2nd bodyguard's d**k. Again said you're also not loyal..... It's turn to the 3rd bodyguard and king asked him to enter the queen's room. 3rd bodyguard went inside and came back. King check his d**k and didn't find any wound. Then king said you're my best loyal soldier and arranged for prize distribution. During the prize distribution, king asked that best loyal&nbsp;bodyguard to give small speech.&nbsp;The bodyguard stood up&nbsp;to give speech but he wasn't able to speak&nbsp;properly. The king&nbsp;asked his other bodyguards, what happened to&nbsp;my best loyal bodyguard? why&nbsp;he is not speaking properly?&nbsp;The bodyguards went and checked with best loyal bodyguard and came back to king&nbsp;and answered, King your best loyal bodyguard got wound in his tongue!!!&nbsp;

chhimobu · May 19, 2010 6:25 AM

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;

Morange · May 19, 2010 10:30 AM

nice one ktmu and chhimobu , here is what i have for today There was once an old man and a parrot living all alone together for like 40 years.&nbsp;One day, the parrot came to the old man and said, "you know, I've never had a woman in my life."&nbsp; So the old man, as a favour to his best friend, went to the pet store and talked the owner into letting him use a female parrot for one night for the fee of 40 dollars.&nbsp;He took the female home, put it into the cage with his parrot, covered the cage and went to bed. He was awoken in the middle of the night to the female parrot screaming she was being killed.&nbsp;He ran out and pulled the cover off the cage. There he saw his male parrot ripping all the feathers off of the female. "What are you doing?" the old man screamed.&nbsp; The parrot replied, "Are you kidding, for 40 dollars, I at least want the bitch naked!"

dHwasE · May 19, 2010 12:26 PM

Hahaha, good one dhwase, Here's mine for today, Today i have a poem that i'm going to read, The title of my Poem is "My First Time" The sky was dark, the moon was high, all alone just she and i, Her hair so soft, her eyes so blue, i knew exactly what she wanted to do, Her skin's so smooth, her leg's are&nbsp;so fine, i ran my fingers down her spine, I&nbsp;didnt know how but i tried my best, i started by placing my hand on her breast, I&nbsp;remember my fear, my fast beating heart, but slowly she spread her legs apart, And when she did, i felt no shame, all at once the white stuff came, Atlast its all finished now.... That was&nbsp;"My Very First Time" milking a Cow....

boulevard dreams · May 19, 2010 1:37 PM

haha , good one boulevard dreams,&nbsp; here is one from my side After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician. "Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine." "Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool." "It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Asian." "Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?" The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice a month." "There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just rust."

dHwasE · May 20, 2010 12:37 PM

Nice one dhwase, here's my dose for today; Two guys are sitting at the bar and they were drunk, One start to insult other one...He screams, "I slept with your mother, i sleep with her every night.." The bar suddenly gets quiet, as everyone listens to see what the other guy will do....The first one again yells, "I slept with your mother" Finally the other guy replies,"Go home Dad, You're too much drunk.." bd....

boulevard dreams · May 20, 2010 2:52 PM

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;(Must Read Out Loud) &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;1)����������That's not &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;right.................................................... Sum Ting &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;Wong &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;2)����������Are you harbouring a &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;fugitive............................. Hu Yu Hai Ding &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;3)����������See me &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;ASAP....................................................... Kum &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;Hia &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;4)����������Stupid &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;Man........................................................... Dum &gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;[Disallowed String for - Bad word 'fuk'] &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;5)����������Small &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;Horse......................................................... Tai &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;Ni Po Ni &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;6)�� Did you go to the &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;beach......................................... Wai Yu So Tan &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;7)�� I bumped the coffee &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;table....................................... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;8)����I think you need a face &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;lift..................................... Chin Tu Fat &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;9) It's Very dark in &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;here.............................................. Wai So Dim &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;10) I Thought you were on a diet............................... &gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;Wai Yu Mun Ching &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;11) This is a tow away zone....................................... &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;No Pah King &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week............. Wai Yu Kum &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;Nao &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;13)�� Staying out of &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;sight.............................................. Lei Ying Lo &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;14)�� He's cleaning his automobile ............................. &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;Wa Shing Ka &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;15)Your body odor is offensive................................ Yu &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;Stin Ki Pu &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;16) &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;Great.................................................................. &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt;Fa Kin Su Pah &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt;&gt;&gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt; &gt;

Morange · May 21, 2010 3:59 AM

One day two mad (mentally disorder) guys ran away from the mental hospital. Getting out&nbsp;of the hospital, they reached hospital's dumping site. One guy found surgical glove and asked the another one, what is this? Another guy looked very carefully and took sometime&nbsp;thinking what's that? Then&nbsp;he replied, It's condom from the age of Mahabharat!! specially designed for Pandav brothers!!

chhimobu · May 21, 2010 9:17 AM

lol @chhimobu, and here is one for today &nbsp; A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.&nbsp; The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.&nbsp; The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.&nbsp; Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."&nbsp; "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli." Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen.&nbsp; He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."&nbsp; The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"

dHwasE · May 21, 2010 11:48 AM

A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he then charged them $32.00. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's office."

walkahead · May 21, 2010 3:20 PM

TGIF buddies, here's my dose for today, sorry for delay... Students in an english class had to write a story about religion, health and mystery in as little words as possible. Mant students were confused on how thet were going to do this??? Only one student got an A+.. Guess who was that?? She was little johny's girlfriend and her story about religion, health and mystery in little words was like this, "Good god, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it." Have a good weekend fellaws...

boulevard dreams · May 21, 2010 7:11 PM

A priest is walking by a house and sees, sitting in the front steps, a young boy shaking a bottle of some clear liquid. He asks the boy what he was doing. The boy responded, "This here, Father, is turpentine, the most powerfull liquid in the world". The priest responds, "You are wrong, Holy Water is the most powerful liquid in the world. You rub a few drops of Holy Water on a pregnant womans belly and she'll pass a boy". The boy responded, "That ain't nothing father. You rub a few drops of this in a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"&nbsp;

walkahead · May 23, 2010 11:33 AM

A man goes hunting with a bunch of his friends on His land!! They have been hunting a while and his best friend says"hey I can see in your bedroom with my scope". He says " who's that man in the bedroom with your wife? The husband says "what? r u joking? The friend replies,"no honestly. I can see them!! The husband says "Fine shoot her in the head and him in the di*k!! The friend replies"I CAN GET THAT IN ONE SHOT"

default061 · May 23, 2010 4:22 PM

one more , Super man was flying around metropolis one day and saw wonder woman on a roof top and thought she was sun bathing and he said "may be I'll go down there and do a lil' boom boom! Nah I'll just pass this golden opportunity and may be fly around a little more." So he flies around the city some more and passes by again and says" screw this I'm going to do the bang boom so fast she wont even know I'm there." He goes down, does it then flies away. Wonder women says what the [Disallowed String for - bad word] was that? Then the invisible guy says "I don't know but my azzhole sure hoist now!!!"

default061 · May 23, 2010 4:26 PM

here is what i have for today A&nbsp;young couple had just got married and spent their first wedding night with the young man's parents. In the morning, his mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast and called everyone to come down to breakfast. Everyone came down, except the newly-weds. After a long wait, the family ate without them.&nbsp; The mother said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat?"&nbsp; The groom's young brother said, "Mommy, I think..."&nbsp; "Oh, shut up. I don't want to hear what you think!" said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the eight-year-old.&nbsp; At lunch time, the mother again prepared a wonderful spread and again called the young couple to eat. Five minutes went by and she called again. After another long wait, the family proceeded to eat.&nbsp; As she was cleaning the table, mother once again said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat? Once again, the younger brother started to speak, but mother immediately shut him up.&nbsp; At dinner the same thing happened. After the meal, mother once again questioned why they had not come down to eat all day.&nbsp; The young lad once again said, "Mommy I think..." "Well, what is it that you think?" asked the mother rather testily. "I think that when my big brother came down to get the Vaseline last night, he got my model airplane glue instead!"

dHwasE · May 24, 2010 12:56 PM

American&nbsp;Customs, An American went next door to welcome his new Sardar neighbour. He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home. The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again. When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into a cup and drank it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he went on with other stuff. The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Indian man. At his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt. He became real angry and went up to the Sardar. "I'm sorry sir, I want to wish you a welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Indian customs!', he yelled in the Sardar's face. The Sardar looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken! These are actually&nbsp;American customs. I was told, to be American, you have to chase chicks, get pissed drunk, and listen to bullshit.

Morange · May 25, 2010 10:13 AM

Good one Morange bro The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen bring up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weeny member - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. "I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen. "Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!" "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long. "Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow...." "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?" "It was horrible," he replies, &nbsp;All I got was a headache.All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears." Last edited: 25-May-10 12:55 PM

dHwasE · May 25, 2010 12:54 PM

Good one dHwasE Bro here is one from me for today, A salesman who was doing market research for the Vaseline Company Knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three Small children running around at her feet. &nbsp;&nbsp; "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the &nbsp;&nbsp; Product?" She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." &nbsp;&nbsp; "If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for? &nbsp;&nbsp; " &nbsp;&nbsp; "We use it for sex," she said. The researcher was a little taken &nbsp;&nbsp; Aback. "Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's &nbsp;&nbsp; Bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know &nbsp;&nbsp; That most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. &nbsp;&nbsp; Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you &nbsp;&nbsp; Use it&nbsp; for sex?" The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at &nbsp;&nbsp; All. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."

Morange · May 26, 2010 7:25 AM

for today Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says:"Sir,did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" The Huge Man:"You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him. Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: "May I help you?" Bob says: "Here is your card and key back.You can keep the $500 joining fee." Receptionist: "But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities....." Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks."

dHwasE · May 26, 2010 12:27 PM

&nbsp; Nice one dHwasE bro&nbsp;my abdomen is cramped due to laugh,this thread is the best one in sajha f'ck the politics Maoists,UML,Congressi etc lets enjoy and laugh laud.I couldnt resist myself so here's one about gentleman's ass (2nd of the day from me) &nbsp; Once a Indian, a&nbsp;Pakistani and our dear&nbsp;Nepali Dai&nbsp;were standing together. An&nbsp;American came up and asked, �Hey guys, what is your favorite flower? � The&nbsp;Indian replied, �Lotus� �Ha, I wipe my shit with that! � the American jeered. The Indian got angry, the lotus being his national flower. The Pakistani replied: �Chameli� �Ha I wipe my shit with that! � American responsed The&nbsp;Pakistani also got angry but kept quite. American asked&nbsp;Nepali �Nepaliji&nbsp; what is your favorite flower? Patriotic&nbsp;Nepali replied: �Cactus! and&nbsp;told&nbsp; American&nbsp;�Now wipe your ass with that! �

Morange · May 26, 2010 1:19 PM

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

walkahead · May 26, 2010 3:42 PM

Nice one gentleman, here's one from myside.. A son tells his dad, "I had sex for the first time in my life last night." So dad being excited to know which girl he has sex with, he said, "Congratulation son, so how was your first experience, how do you feel and what did you learn." Son replied, "I feel very good and everything's well except for the fact that my ass is hurting so much because i didn't know that Ryan got such a huge D**K.....Dad fainted...

boulevard dreams · May 26, 2010 5:46 PM

after all these, i owe you guys one! a kid once saw pedro's dong so big that he asked him what the hell it was! after being insisted upon time and again, pedro explained that it was his member. without missing a beat, the kid asked what he needed to get his member so big. chanaa khau babu, chaana, pedro answered. unable to wait to get his size going, the kid ran home to his mom and ask for a rupee. why do you need it, she said. i ain't telling u any reason, he replied. then you ain't getting the ruppee. finally, the boy had to relent and spilled the beans. he had to buy chanaa for his member! the mom went to the room, fetched the purse and pulled out a one rupee note Laa! 4 Aaana ko ta kha! 12 Aana ko babu lai dinu!

kailo · May 26, 2010 10:42 PM

continued ... the kid anjoyed 4 aana ko chanaaa and also bought 12 aana ko chanaa for his dad. It worked. The result was mindblowing, dad got dong as big as pedro's. Now, dad goes to the bedroom , hugs his wife from behind.Feeling that big dong in her azz,she exclaims, "what the fuxk you still doing here, Pedro?"

default061 · May 27, 2010 5:36 AM

lol @default061 A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships. "Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside?" she asked earnestly. "The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet," counselled the therapist.&nbsp; So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on.&nbsp; She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon.&nbsp; When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you."

dHwasE · May 27, 2010 12:02 PM

Guys please continue this thread.........this is the best thread I have ever come across Sajha after so so long.........Want to start my day laughing..........so just to continue.....here it is.. Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

STUPIDA · May 28, 2010 9:39 AM

Once more........ HOW THEY HAVE SEX ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method. AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker. ANSI does it in the standard way ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ARTISTS are exhibitionists. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. ATTORNEYS make better motions. AUDITORS like to examine figures. BABYSITTERS charge by the hour. BAILIFFS always come to order. BAKERS knead it daily. BAND MEMBERS play all night. BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal. BARBERS do it with shear pleasure. BARTENDERS do it on the rocks. BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base. BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often. BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey. BEER BREWERS do it with more hops. BEER DRINKERS get more head. BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds. BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry. BOSSES delegate the task to others. BOWLERS have bigger balls. BRICKLAYERS lay all day. BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber. BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time. BUTCHERS have better meat. C'Bers do it on the air. CAMPERS do it in a tent. CARPENTERS hammer it harder. CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor. CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm. CHEMISTS like to experiment. CHESS PLAYERS check their mates. CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation. CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically. CLOWNS do it for laughs. COACHES whistle while they work. COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs. COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs. COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop. COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software. CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation. CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it. COPS have bigger guns. COWBOYS handle anything horny. COWGIRLS like to ride bareback. CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls. CREDIT MANAGERS always collect. DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds. DEADHEADS do it with Jerry. DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck. DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts. DENTISTS do it in your mouth. DETECTIVES do it under cover. DIETICIANS eat better. DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack. DIVERS do it deeper. DOCTORS do it with patience. DRUGGISTS fill your prescription. DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time. DRY WALLER'S are better bangers. ELECTRICIANS check your shorts. ENGINEERS charge by the hour. EXECUTIVES have large staffs. FARMERS spread it around. FIREMEN are always in heat. FISHERMEN are proud of their rods. FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard. FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush. FURRIERS appreciate good beaver. GARBAGE MEN come once a week. GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses. GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day. GEOLOGISTS are great explorers. GOLFERS do it in 18 holes. GYMNASTS mount and dismount well. HACKERS do it with fewer instructions. HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs. HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency. HANDYMEN like good screws. HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision. HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer. HUNTERS do it with a bang. INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers. INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house. INVENTORS find a way. JANITORS clean up afterwards. JEWELERS mount real gems. JOGGERS do it on the run. LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper. LAWYERS do it in their briefs. LIBRARIANS do it quietly. LOCKSMITHS can get into anything. LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer. MACHINISTS make the best screws. MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye. MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet. MANAGERS supervise others. MARKETING REPs do it on commission. MILKMEN deliver twice a week. MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done. MINERS sink deeper shafts. MINISTERS do it on Sundays. MISSILE MEN have better thrust. MODELS do it in any position. MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters. MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs. MOVIE STARS do it on film. MUSICIANS do it with rhythm. NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing. NURSES call the shots. OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under. OPERATORS do it person-to-person. OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face. PAINTERS do it with longer strokes. PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash. PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion. PILOTS keep it up longer. PLUMBERS do it under the sink. POLICEMEN like big busts. POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected. POSTMEN come slower. PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets. PRINTERS reproduce the fastest. PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end. PROFESSORS do it by the book. RACERS like to come in first. RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall.. RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it. REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots. RECYCLERS use it again. REPAIRMEN can fix anything. REPORTERS do it daily. RESEARCHERS are still looking for it. RETAILERS move their merchandise. ROOFERS do it on top. RUNNERS get into more pants. SAILORS like to be blown. SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues. SCIENTISTS discovered it. SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5. SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop. SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls. SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists. SPELUNKERS do it underground. SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay. STEWARDESSES do it in the air. STUDENTS use their heads. SURGEONS are smooth operators. TAILORS make it fit. TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town. TAXIDERMISTS mount anything. TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking. TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals. TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls. TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks. TRUCKERS carry bigger loads. TYPISTS do it in triplicate. VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers. VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up. WAITRESSES serve it piping hot. WATER SKIERS come down harder. WELDERS have hotter rods. WRESTLERS know the best holds. WRITERS have novel ways. ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.

STUPIDA · May 28, 2010 9:44 AM

this beautiful woman one day walks into a doctor's office and the doc. is bowled by how stunningly hot she is. His professionalism goes out the window and he asks her to take her pants off and starts rubbing her highs. "DO u know what i'm doing?" asks the doc. "yes checking for abnormalities", says the woman. he then asks her to take her shirt and bra off and starts rubbing her breasts. "DO u know what i'm doing?" asks he again, " yes checking for cancer", she says. then the doc tells her to take off her panties, puts her on the bed and starts having sex. "DO u know what i'm doing?" asks the doc. " Yes, getting herpies, thats what i'm here for" she says.

ticklethebase · May 28, 2010 2:13 PM

एउटा कबी रूख मुनी बसेर कबित लेख्दै थियो। अचानक रुख माथि बाट केही खस्यो। कबी ले रूख माथि हेरेको त सानो बच्चा रहेछ, पेन्टी नलगै रूख मा बसी राखेको । कबी ले त्यो बलिका लाई बोलएर ४० रुपैय दिएर भने "जौ, पेन्टी किनेर लाउ"। त्यो बच्चा घर म गएर पूरा कथा दिदी लाई सुनाइ। दिदी पनि भोली पल्ट त्यही रूख&nbsp; मा गएर त्यसरी नै बसी। कबी आए , माथि नंगै dekhey । रुख बाट त्यो keti लाई बोलएे र ५ रुपैय दिएर bhaney, जौ "रौउ खुर्किएर आउ " .&nbsp;

default061 · May 28, 2010 4:13 PM

Continued... Both kabhi and that girl planned to to shave their genitals. They went together. First was Kabi. The guy who shaved kabi's dick charged him 30 dollars. Now the guy shaved the girl's pussy. After finishing the work, he asked for 50 dollars. Then the girl asks the guy, wtf dude! you just charged that guy 30 and you are asking me 50?. Then the guy goes, "listen mam, it was easy to shave that guy. Unlike yours, He has got handle there "

default061 · May 28, 2010 4:18 PM

Conitnued Again.. AFter getting cleaned and shaved, they went to the jungle and started their action. Kabi was very excited and busy. All of sudden a buffalo pops up next to them . Kabhi starts singing.. टाढा बाट भैंसी आयो लामो लामो singh laad**o जाती छिरे पनि geda खेल्छ ping &nbsp; **sry for typos !!**

default061 · May 28, 2010 4:24 PM

There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little girl asked the boy, "What is a penis?" The boy replied, "I don't know." At that time he hears his mum calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he sees his dad on the couch. He goes up to his dad and ask him, "What is a penis?" The dad whips his out and says to the boy, "This is a penis, as a matter of fact this is the perfect penis." The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods. The girl again asks him what a penis is. He whips out his penis and says to her, "This is a penis, and if it was two inches smaller it would be the perfect penis!" &nbsp;

walkahead · May 28, 2010 8:54 PM

One day a man and woman were standing outside the nursing home casually having a drink and a smoke. After being outside for a while it started to rain on them. Suddenly, the man took out a condom, cut off the tip, and slipped it over his cigarette. The lady asked, "What's that for?" He replied, "It's to keep my cigarette dry when I'm outside smoking and it starts to rain." The lady said, "That's a pretty nifty idea." The following day the old lady went to the drugstore to get some condoms. She walked in and told the clerk, "I'd like some condoms please." The clerk looked at the old lady, rather baffled at why she would need condoms. However, he asked, "What brand would you like, Madam?" The old lady smiled and replied, "I don't care what brand you give me, as long as it fits a Camel."

ticklethebase · May 29, 2010 10:12 AM

Just to keep this thread alive!! A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

default061 · May 31, 2010 3:04 AM

SO THE World police convention was held in USA, Every country sent their top of the class tough police Officers. One of the tasks during the convention was to show how each participating country's police could capture a criminal fugitive. SO to up the challenge they let a tiger loose in the jungle.....the task was to capture the tiger alive in the most quickest time to be announced the top police force. American FBI entered the jungle and captured the tiger in astonishing one hour. British police caught the tiger in two hours......and so went on all the countries one by one to capture the tiger but none could beat FBI time. Last to go was the Indian Police team. they boast about being from a tiger country and would show everyone how to capture a tiger...........................................hour turns to hours and the day goes by but no one knows whats going on so they send a search party.............................Deep in the middle of the jungle they spot a noisy loud commotion............. so the search party goes nearer they find the Indian Police force........they had tied a big black bear to a tree, hand cuffed hanging. they were beating the poor black bear silly with sticks,kicks, slaps and punches.......they all were yelling.....ADMIT YOU'RE A TIGER ADMIT IT!!!...................OHHH&nbsp; WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE ............YOU THINK YOU CAN FOOL US............ADMIT YOU ARE A TIGER KUTTE KAMINEY...MADARCHOOT VARNA...???

Gorhalisainik · May 31, 2010 3:15 PM

A woman calls her husband into her bedroom. "Now Mike, I want you to take off my blouse!" "Good.." "now take off my bra." "Good...." " Now can u take off my panties." "Very good!" "Now, don't let me catch you wearing them again!" Last edited: 01-Jun-10 02:14 PM

ticklethebase · Jun 1, 2010 11:54 AM

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me." The captain looked at her, "Are you sure lady? This is the Staten Island Ferry."

ticklethebase · Jun 2, 2010 11:22 AM

One IT expert wrote a letter to the customer service specialist... Dear Tetch Support: Last year I upgraded from&nbsp; Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began&nbsp; unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and resources.&nbsp; In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now&nbsp; monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night&nbsp; 10.3, Football 5.0, HuntingAndFishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem&nbsp; to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite&nbsp; applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the&nbsp; uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help! Thanks&nbsp; ... Customer Service Specialist ------- REPLIED: &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Dear Troubled User: This&nbsp; is a very common problem. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to&nbsp; Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment&nbsp; program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator&nbsp; to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to&nbsp; return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the&nbsp; program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to&nbsp; Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. Look in&nbsp; your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend&nbsp; that you keep Wife 1.0 installed and work on improving the&nbsp; configuration.&nbsp; I suggest installing the background application YesDear&nbsp; 99.0 to alleviate software augmentation.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The best course&nbsp; of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you&nbsp; will have to do this before the system will return to normal anyway.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high&nbsp; maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as&nbsp; CleanAndSweep 3.0, CookIt 1.5 and DoBills 4.2. However, be very careful&nbsp; how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch&nbsp; the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the&nbsp; performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend&nbsp; Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0, but beware because sometimes these&nbsp; applications can be expensive.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; WARNING!!! DO NOT, under&nbsp; any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application&nbsp; is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the&nbsp; operating system.&nbsp; WARNING!!! Attempting to install NewGirlFriend&nbsp; 8.8 along with Wife 1.0 will crash the system. (see Wife 1.0&nbsp; manual, Apologize, High Maintenance &amp; Secretary with Short Skirt)

boulevard dreams · Jun 2, 2010 1:43 PM

good ones guys.. stomach hurts frm laughin.. keep them comin!!!! Here's my share: A sardar was caught in the midst of crossfire on the indo-pak border. wanting to get to a safe spot, the sardar made a run for it. only to have a bazooka make a bee line for his crotch. It exploded in his loins and his balls fell hither-tether. saving what he could at the time, which was just one testicle, he pocketed it and dragged himself to the nearest hospital where he asked the doctor to patch him up and the doctor said "I'll do my best". the doctor not knowing what to substitute for a second testicle saw a couple of kids having a mud fight outside and got an idea. he moulded a testicle sized mudball and sewed the sardar's sack back on. "Come back to me after a week and tell me how you feel" said the doc as he sent the sardar home. After a week, the sardar came for his report. "Any problems?" the doc asked. "Doctor, everything is fine, except one small thing." replied a confused sardar. "What is it?" asked the doc. "Well, I cant understand why on one side of my balls there's hair growing, but on the other side, there's grass."

dekchidriver · Jun 2, 2010 3:37 PM

A guy comes home from work, walks into bedroom, and finds a stranger having sex with his wife. He says. " What are you two doing?" His wife turns to the stranger and says, "I told you he was stupid".

ticklethebase · Jun 3, 2010 11:10 AM

गाउमा&nbsp;vasectomy&nbsp;को लागि एउटा camp खडा गरिएको रहेछ र एउटा गाउले लाई शोधिएछ, नसा काटी &nbsp;दिउ कि ball सुकाइ दिउ ?&nbsp; एक्छिन घोत्लिए पछी भनेछ, सुकाउने काम हैन नसै काती देउ. त्यो अ.ह. ब. &nbsp;ले पनि घोत्लेको देखेर सोदेछ किन नसा काट्ने कुरा रोज्नु भयो।&nbsp; जबाफमा "बात जो छ न , माया गरेको बेलामा त्यो सुकेको ball पनि भित्र गए पछी शाह्रा मजा त किर किरा भै हाल्छ" ।&nbsp; कसरी थाहा पाउनु भयो ?&nbsp; रेड लाईट एरिया मा गएको बेला तेही भएछ रे ।&nbsp;

syanjali · Jun 3, 2010 6:26 PM

A man and his wife are returning from holiday, while on holiday they decided to buy themselves some pets, he bought a snake while the woman got a skunk. As they are passing through airport control they notice a sign which says "NO ANIMALS WILL BE ALLOWED THROUGH QUARANTINE" Slightly distressed the woman turns to her husband and asks what they should do. After thinking hard for 5 minutes the man come up with a plan "what I'll do is tie the snake around my waist and try to pretend that it's a snake skin belt" "Yes" the woman replies "but what about the skunk?" "I don't know, you'll just have to hide it up your skirt" "But what about the smell?" the woman asks. To which the man replies "Look, if it dies it dies!"

ticklethebase · Jun 4, 2010 11:01 AM

Three guys are in a strip club. One guy walks over to a stripper, licks a 50 dollar bill and sticks it to one side of her butt. other guy doesn't want to be shown up so he takes a 100 bill and sticks it to the other side of her butt. the third guy doesn't want to be shown up either, but he doesn't have any cash. So he walks over to the stripper, takes out his ATM card, slides it down the crack of her ass, takes the 150 dollars and leaves..

ticklethebase · Jun 4, 2010 5:09 PM

Tickle thebase thts the worst joke ever

teroobaau · Jun 4, 2010 7:52 PM

Keep on rolling guys It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother.&nbsp; The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"

dHwasE · Jun 7, 2010 11:53 AM

enjoy A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he’s referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, “I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and...’’&nbsp; He is interrupted by the doctor. “And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear?”&nbsp; “Yes! Exactly! How did you know?”&nbsp; “Well I am the world’s greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes”.&nbsp; Two weeks go by and the man is back. “Well, how do you feel?” the doctor asked.&nbsp; “Doc, I’m a new man! I feel great! I haven’t had a headache since I started this treatment! I can’t thank you enough. And by the way, you have a lovely home.”&nbsp;

dHwasE · Jun 8, 2010 1:04 PM

A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic. So she found out from her local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening classes and attended diligently, learning all she could. When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting." The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the muffler..."

walkahead · Jun 8, 2010 7:12 PM

PIGGY · Jun 9, 2010 12:15 AM

haha piggy..&nbsp; you wrapped the evening.. Short and sweet.. lol Keep it rolling

walkahead · Jun 9, 2010 12:21 AM

@ Walkhead: &nbsp;I m ROFL .. good one&nbsp;

AlterEgo · Jun 9, 2010 9:32 AM

Good morning fellaws, here's one from me.. hope this will make your day. An old man finally decided to retire. He goes to the social security and waits his turn to start collecting his benefits. He finally gets called and the women at the window ask him for his S.S. card. "o great" he says "I left it at home, I guess I'll be back tomorrow."&nbsp; "Hold on" she says. " Just unbutton your shirt some." He does and she sees all the silver curly hairs on his chest. "OK" she says "I believe your old enough here are your benefits ". He heads home and tells his wife what happened. She says " why didn't You unzip your pants, you could have gotten disability too." bd.&nbsp;

boulevard dreams · Jun 9, 2010 10:59 AM

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.” The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator’s open mouth.The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of it’s head.The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genital, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.” A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up, “I’ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

dHwasE · Jun 9, 2010 12:22 PM

@dhwase: Heard it before but thanks for refreshing .. &nbsp;a good one :)

AlterEgo · Jun 9, 2010 12:34 PM

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend. 'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.

walkahead · Jun 9, 2010 4:09 PM

Two whores were talking shop… “Why is it,” asked Sharon, “that I get as many customers as you, and yet you seem to make a lot more money than me?” “Well, I’ll let you in on a little trick,” said Tracy. “What I do is, before I go out, I take a rubber band and stick it up my self. Then when I get a bloke back to my flat and he starts doing the business, it goes ping. I tell him he’s just broken my virginity. I usually get an extra $20 for that!” “I’ll give that a try,” says Sharon. She does and it works just fine. Unfortunately, one day as she was getting ready, she found that the bag of rubber bands was empty. She searched around, but all she could find was a catapult. She carfully inserted the catapult and set off for work. Having returned with a fella, Sharon spread them and as the bloke got going there was the usual ping. “You’ve just broken my virginity!” said Sharon. “Screw that,” said the punter. “My balls have just flown out of the window!” Last edited: 10-Jun-10 11:45 AM

dHwasE · Jun 10, 2010 11:45 AM

Hope its not a repeat &nbsp; A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to [Disallowed String for - bad word] your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job.

MN_Nepali · Jun 10, 2010 6:59 PM

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I stood there for a moment watching her delicious rear, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "we are very happy that you have passed our little test... we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." Moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in your car! Last edited: 10-Jun-10 09:46 PM

kailo · Jun 10, 2010 9:42 PM

A priest was driving along and saw nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift&nbsp; which&nbsp; she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing the habit to open and reveal a leg. The priest looks and nearly has an accident, and after changing gear lets his hand slide up her leg. She immediately says, "Father, remember Psalm 129". The priest says sorry and removes his hand but is unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on when he changes gear and has ogled at her leg for the zillionth time he lets the hand slide up the leg again. The Nun once again says, "Father remember Psalm 129". Arriving at the convent the nun gets out and the priest goes on his way. Once he arrives at his church he rushes to the bible and looks up Psalm 129 and it said, "Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory." Last edited: 10-Jun-10 09:50 PM

kailo · Jun 10, 2010 9:49 PM

wanna know why we need a better health plan? Her Majesty the Queen was being shown around a hospital. As she was being given the guided tour by a senior consultant, they passed a room where a man was masturbating wildly through the window. Of course the Queen was not at all amused and demanded an explanation as to why these activities were allowed in the hospital. “Ah,” said the doctor, “Now, although it is perhaps unfortunate that you should have witnessed that, in fact, that poor patient is suffering from a very debilitating condition. He produces so much semen that unless he gets rid of it 4 times a day his testicles will explode.” “Oh.” said Her Majesty. “Well, in that case I suppose it’s understandable.” Further down the corridor they passed another room. The door was open and you could see a nurse was clearly giving a patient oral sex. “Goodness Gracious!” shrieked Her Majesty, “I demand an explanation of this kind of sordid goings- on!” “Ah,” said the Doctor, “same problem – but he has a better health plan.”

dHwasE · Jun 11, 2010 12:04 PM

Grand, an undertaker in Pennsylvania came home with a black eye. "What happened to you?' asked his wife. "I had a terrible day,' replies Grand. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection. Anyway, I find the room and, sure enough, there's this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I did what I always do; I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half." "I see,' says his wife. 'But how did you get the black eye?" Grand replies, 'Wrong room!"

ticklethebase · Jun 11, 2010 4:25 PM

Police officer George and officer Mary had been assigned to walk the beat. They had only been out a short while when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning after my workout and after I showered, I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them." George replied, "We don't have to go back, just give the K-9 unit, Fido, one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you." It was a hot day and Mary didn't fell like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog. Fido's nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido's ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house. Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido. Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen. Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry. Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance. The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a dozen police cars, Fido rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant's balls in his mouth.

kailo · Jun 11, 2010 10:55 PM

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer. "Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?"

kailo · Jun 11, 2010 10:58 PM

PIGGY · Jun 12, 2010 4:21 AM

What a woman says... This place is a mess! C'mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and You'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now! What a man hears... blah blah blah blah blah C'MON! YOU AND I blah blah blah blah! blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blahblah blah blah RIGHT NOW!

ark · Jun 13, 2010 4:18 PM

enjoy A guy goes into a bank. The clerk says,’Can I help you, sir?' He goes, ’ Yea u fu*king bitch I wanna open a fu*king account’ . Clerk, ’Please there’s no need for cussin’ . ’Yo mo**erf*ka I just wanna open a fu*kin account.’ ’Sir I’ll help u but please watch ur language’ So the manager comes over,’ Is there a problem here?’ Dude says,’ Yea mothafu*ka I’m trying to fu*kin open a fu*kin account an’ this fu*kin’ bitch won’t let me.’ ’Please sir don’t curse and how much in ur account?’ Dude,’ I own $20 Million in lottery’. Manager says ,’ And this fu*kin bitch ain’t helpin’ u to just open a f*king account?!?’ Last edited: 14-Jun-10 12:46 PM

dHwasE · Jun 14, 2010 12:44 PM

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name. "Yeah teach?" he replies. "If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher. Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off." "No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds. "Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?" The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream." Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

MN_Nepali · Jun 14, 2010 4:07 PM