Michael Jackson was already an accomplished performer during the 70s, before his signature song "Thriller" exploded into the scene in 1982, but the audio of his immortal song "Thriller" was my very first introduction to western music, or western anything. I don't remember the only radio station in Nepal at that time playing English songs and I did not own records or cassettes of Michael's songs, or any western songs. But it was hard to miss a few of his songs that were played in some parties, the lyrics for which I could never understand, beyond a very few words. But the music was irresistibly novel, foreign, likable and hard to ignore. What also were impossible to miss in Kathmandu of early to mid 80's, much more than the sound of his songs, were the "break dance", the "moonwalk" and--to top them all--the signature jacket with metal zippers and big shoulders with sleeves slightly pushed upwards, that the coolest of the cool guys in the town adopted. I saw them walking around in style sporting this cool fashion from this cool and distant west that I was only vaguely aware of (no TV, no Internet, no foreign magazines other than Indian). At least a few of these guys perhaps knew the words to Michael's songs. The truly talented ones could even do the moonwalk or the breakdance, with or without the signature zipper jacket. For me the zipper jacket was totally out of question. I neither had the money, nor the sense of fashion nor the guts to acquire or show off such a brazenly western icon. The dance and the moonwalk...forget them. I don't remember ever trying them. I had no illusions about fluidity of my movements or my talent at any dance moves. I had mixed feelings about these guys who were into Michael Jackson props. I thought they had something that I did not and could not achieve...a connection to the west (that for me was as distant and unreachable as the moon), a familiarity with the western culture (that I neither knew nor understood), and their audacity to adopt any part of the western culture. At the same time I thought their giving in to the western culture was a matter of betrayal of the native culture. I didn't think that the two could be mixed in any way without resulting in some measure of corruption of your character. That was perhaps my very first struggle with this long running battle in my mind between what I thought was my self-enforced duty to preserve and practice my culture vs. the notion of progression to modernity and understanding or appreciation of the western culture. I have come a long way and there's not much of the struggle left in me between practicing modernity (whatever that means) and understanding of western culture vs. respecting, preserving or practicing the native culture of Nepal, which itself has been in a state of great flux and less and less recognizable each time I go back to Nepal. But Michael Jackson, his songs, his influence on the local youth as well as my awareness of them and my reaction to them are etched in my mind forever. They are some of the powerful stuff that make up what's left of my memories of my early and late teen years. So, it was sad for me to hear today around 7 PM NY time that MJ was no more. I wasn't having a particularly good time to begin with, having spent an entire hour looking for parking. Then I heard it on the radio and my heart just sank as I tuned to one radio station after another and heard them talking about his final moments or playing his songs. It was a much more intimate and stronger reaction than I would have thought of, since I never felt like I was a big fan of his. Not in the way his professed fans feel, anyway. Not that I didn't admire him. I think he is one of those rare geniuses who was born to do what he did and couldn't have been otherwise in his life. He produced magic without any effort--his voice, the beats, the music, and of course his mesmerizing stage presence and his unforgettably fluid moves. It was pure magic from a genius born to entertain. I remember buying one album...History II. Most thought it was a flop, but I enjoyed most of the songs. So I am really sad about his passing. It is a great loss to the world. After all his personal troubles, I think he had cured himself of his demons and he was practicing hard for his upcoming long tour in England. It probably would have been his great comeback and the beginning of his second act in his life. I am also sad because I remember those old bygone days intertwined with his memories. How I have changed. And how the world has changed. It will not be the same anymore. Of course it is never the same, with or without having Michael alive at this moment, but still...it's a stark reminder that over time things are not and will not be the same. RIP Michael.