Disclaimer: This is a fictitious post, resemblance to anybody living or dead is purely coincidental, also this story has been inspired by none other than our own fellow sajhaite, the honorary ‘Spriritual’. I have written this story in a little more than an hour and given the time frame, I didn’t have any opportunity to look for better words or spend time editing it. I plead the readers to kindly ignore some strong languages and grammatical errors. NOBODY’S HOME “What is your number?” I asked – deadpan. “What…?” Her eyes widened in disbelief for few seconds before she realized what it exactly meant, and when she did, she turned around and giggled - her tiny palms covering her mouth as if it would adequately muffle the laugh. Her friend, on the other hand had no problem laughing out loud. She had her eyes closed and her head rested on Miss Giggle’s shoulder. She had perfect set of teeth, and for a second I wished I had asked the number of Miss LOL instead of Miss Giggle. “Wait…shouldn’t you ask her name first?” Miss LOL asked between laughs, her eyes were filled with tears. “Sorry, what’s your name?” I asked bluntly, appearing not to be nervous. Gaurav had asked me to be ‘cool as a cucumber’ (whatever that meant) when talking to the girls. Gaurav is a friend and quite a character, but I shall speak about him after I get done with this episode. “Dimple…” Miss LOL didn’t miss a beat replying while Miss Giggle was still laughing with her skinny back turned towards me. “No..I meant her name” I pointed at Giggle. “Yes it is Dimple, like in Dimple Kapadia, remember her in that movie Saagar” How could I not remember, she almost showed her boobs in that dang movie. “And what is your name?” I asked miss LOL surprising myself with the spur of audacity. “Why do you want my name? Who are you interested in? Me or her?” Miss LOL had stopped laughing now. I almost said “both” but swallowed hard and pointed towards Dimple again, she had stopped giggling and had hid herself behind Miss LOL holding her shoulders - burying her face behind her back. “532445” Miss LOL smiled. Dimple squinted and smacked LOL’s head from behind. I had no idea what that meant, either she was happy someone else gave her number and saved her from that ambivalent discomfort or she honestly didn’t like her number being given out like that. “I am Bhargavhi by the way” Miss LOL held out her hand which I shook nervously. “Bhargavhi?”  I mumbled, little surprised, that was the name of my grandma’s sister. “No stupid” she laughed, “my name is Pragya” “So where did you see her? “ Gaurav had asked me a week ago, we were both sitting outside the stairs of bluebird supermarket looking at that parked Crimson Mitsubishi Pajero wishing we’d buy one someday. “At Ram Bhandar” I said “I followed her all the way to Kupondole heights, she lives in that awesome house next to Summit Hotel” “Really? Damn! She must be loaded, is she pretty?” “Very” I replied. “Does she have boobs?” I shrugged. Typical Gaurav - he never saw girls past their breasts. Over next few days Gaurav provided me some details about Dimple, something I always wondered how he did, he always claimed he had ‘connections’. So her dad was a Colonel in Nepalese army, her mother was a make-up laden real bi!#h, her big bro was a big time a$$hole, she had two monster dogs, and that she was a 10th grader in St. Mary’s – no surprise there. “Remember, don’t be nervous, just talk to them sitting on a motorbike, and do not take your sunglasses off ; girls dig that”. I nodded apprehensively. I was wearing my finest shirt, a new pair of jeans, a recently washed nike sneaker and a ray-ban I stole from dad. I was myopic, and always wore glasses, so taking them off and putting on an oversized sunglass was making me a little uncomfortable. Moreover, it was Gaurav’s motorbike and I didn’t have a driver’s license. ___________________________________________________________________________________ “Congratulations player I cannot believe you got her number in five short minutes, and I always thought you never had guts” Gaurav was grinning as I narrated the entire episode. “Actually, she didn’t speak at all, her friend Pragya gave me her number?” “Pragya who? That hottie Pragya Thapa from Sanepa?” I had no clue. “Did she have big boobs?” Gaurav asked. I nodded. Yes she did. In fact I was wondering about her melons instead of thinking about Dimple as I rode my way back. “Call her tonight, you only have six weeks before you go back to school” And call I did. Exactly at 9:30pm, hoping her dysfunctional family members wouldn’t answer. Since my dad refused to go to bed early and was watching BBC news in the living room, I had to sneak into the bathroom with the chordless phone. As I dialed her number I wondered for a second what I was getting into. I was calling this girl who was supposed to be the love of my life sitting on a commode with my trousers on, I could have gone to my room as well, but it was a well known fact that under acute nervousness, I do things that are not easily comprehended by a normal human mind. I farted nervously a second before I heard someone say “hello.” “…Umm Can I speak to Dimple?” I almost had an asthma attack as I said that, but I somehow squeaked my voice across. “This is Dimple, who are you?” Her voice chimed in my ears. “…that guy on a motorbike this morning, I met you and Pragya at Kupondole Chowk, remember?” “….who?” I couldn’t believe she forgot our meeting. “The guy on that Yamaha, Pragya had given me your number this morning” “…Ohh, Okay, how are you?” The broad was completely disinterested. “Umm…good, had your dinner?” I cursed myself over that question. There were so many questions I could have asked her, maybe that Salman Khan movie that had just released. “You know, I am a little busy this evening, can you call me tomorrow?” She didn’t even bother saying ‘please’. As she disconnected the phone after parting pleasantries, I sat on that $hitter for few more minutes, processing what just happened. I call a girl for the first time in my life and the bi!#h snubbed me. I decided not to call her anymore. “Who ??” My father growled over the phone then looked at me and shook his head. “Some girl is looking for you” he handed the phone over to me. “Hello…?” I coughed. “Why didn’t you call tonight?” It was definitely not Dimple. “Uh..Who are you?” “I am Pragya dumbo, remember? I am at Dimple’s place tonight, and we both were waiting for your call” “Uh..I was going to call her” I lied. “Listen, you made that poor girl nervous yesterday, her parents were around, if you want to talk to her you can come by her house tomorrow evening, no one will be here” “Really?” I gasped. “Yes, her parents are going to Nagarkot and her brother is in Pokhara, and she will be alone so you can talk to her all you want” “Uh…what about her dogs?” I almost choked over nothing as I realized what I had said. “Dude, of all things in the world, you are worried about dogs? Man up.” “Don’t worry” Pragya reassured, “they will be locked in a different room.” __________________________________________________________________________________ “.....Get out of here” Gaurav almost fell of his chair. “She asked you to come to her place when no one is home? Dude, do you even know what that means?” “Of course I do, she didn’t want to talk to me when her parents were around and she didn’t want to be seen anywhere else as well”.  I answered plainly. “Stupid Bahun baje” he was chettri by the way. “She called you when no one is home means she wants to get laid, when will you grow up?” “What?” This time it was more than an asthma attack, I almost had a cardiac arrest. “You stupid pig, no f#*king way” “Dude, you go to all boys school, that means you are like a stag in a zoo who never gets to see a doe, girls these days are different, they need boys as much as we need girls. In fact I am wondering if there will be both Dimple and Pragya and you alone.” “Whatever!” “Listen man, can I come too?” “Shut the f*$k up, you horny a$$hole” “See, let me be honest, maybe she won’t go as far as having sex with you, but you can still do a lot of things you know?” he flashed that signature wicked smile. “Like what?” I blinked. I saw him rolling his eyes and shaking his head. “Listen, just to be on a safer side, get a condom, chances are next to nothing but then who knows” ___________________________________________________________________________________ Finding a pharmacy had been a struggle that morning, I had rode my mustang mountain bike through all the pharmacies in Jawalakhel and Lagankhel area and each of them were either inundated with customers or had female shopowners. I must admit I had never seen a real condom in my life, let alone purchase one. I had seen some commercials of Family planning corporation in television and assumed it looked like a balloon when inflated, but I had never really seen how it looked when it was not. Finally, at around noon, I came across a pharmacy near patan dhoka which looked dilapidated without any customers. And to my delight the vendor was an old feeble guy who was listening to his small radio with his eyes closed. “Dhaal” That was just one word I had said which made that old guy mechanically walk all the way to the end of the room and come back with a pack of condoms. I was bemused at his alertness. I paid him swiftly and darted my bicycle back home without even worrying about the change. Upon arriving, I latched my door and hid the pack of condom deep under my mattress. I then slept for few hours. I had a hard time sleeping the night before thinking about all that had happened so suddenly. I had called Sambhu dai, a 12th grader in our school and my mentor,  to decipher what exactly “come over when no one is home” meant.  I replied what Gaurav had mentioned – verbatim. Four days ago, I was dying to talk to a girl, and now my chances of getting laid with one of the prettiest girl in town had just soared significantly.  I imagined the look on the face of my friends at school as I would narrate my sexual escapade to them – priceless!!! I wore a brand new Ralph Lauren polo my aunts had sent for me from United States - the one I had never worn before. I also put on a black flannel  trouser and my dad’s hand me down oxfords which I polished meticulously that afternoon. My hair was neatly combed and I had splashed my father’s aramis aftershave all over my neck and cheek and even on my chest. When I looked myself in the mirror I proudly lauded my looks; I never looked better. “Where are you going?” My mother asked as I was stepping out. “Uh, at a birthday party” I lied shamelessly, I mean, what else could I tell her? A tenth grader going to see a girl to get laid?? I walked all the way to Jawalakhel chowk and took a cab. I had initially thought of riding my bicycle to her place, but then I was dressed like a movie star and riding a bicycle wouldn’t look good on me. I had also thought of borrowing Gaurav’s motorbike, but I feared he would insist in coming along. He sincerely believed that there was going to be some sort of orgy among myself, Dimple and Pragya. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if he were hanging around her place waiting for me so we could enter her house together. It was almost six pm when I reached her house, it was bigger than mine, and prettier. I got rid of the cab near the entrance of summit hotel and walked nonchalantly towards her house. My father’s cousin’s house wasn’t too far from there and the last thing I wanted him to see was me entering Dimple’s house all decked up. I stood in front of her house and breathed heavily. I was sweating from the ends of my forehead and I felt nauseate just thinking at what would transpire in few minutes from now. I turned the knob of the small metallic door which was a part of the huge gate that led inside her compound, it opened to a beautifully landscaped front yard; the grass was freshly cut and was lush green. Alongside the concrete driveway that led to her house were planted pink pansies that blossomed to the fullest. As I climbed few steps to her verandah and pressed that doorbell, I heard her dogs barking. They were loud; very loud; and it seemed they both were on the other side of that beautifully crafted wooden door - waiting for me. “Maybe they will lock them in the other room when they realize I had arrived” I thought. No one answered the door. 30 seconds later, I rang the doorbell again. This time the dogs barked louder and I could hear them clawing onto the door. Still, no one answered the door. I rang the door bell three more times under a minute to no one’s avail. The dogs were barking so loud, I wished I had brought some cotton along with condoms - to caulk my ears. “Dimple” I called her name. Silence!! “Pragyaaaaaaa” I yelled out in desperation. Not a word. “Who are you?” A middle aged woman inquired from the kaushi of the house next to it, looking at me curiously. “I.. I am Dimple’s friend” I put the my hand above my forehead to see her against the sun “ have you seen them?” “They left for Nagarkot this morning at around 7:00am, my daughter and one of Dimple’s friends went with them too, they would be spending their weekend there.” I sprinted out of Dimple’s compound before she even completed her sentence. For a second it just felt like I had been punched in the gut by a huge gorilla, next second it felt as if I had just been run over by a semi trucked. I took the pack of condom out of my pocket and hurled it over the walls so it would land on that green grass and would keep them dogs wondering later and maybe her mom too.  I hauled myself with heavy feet devising a story to tell Gaurav to avoild being his laughingstock for the rest of the life. Laughing at myself, I realized I had fallen for the world’s oldest jokes. The girls took me for a ride effortlessly and I bought it so well, I’d remember it till the day I’d die. They called me and told me to come over, 'there’s nobody home'….. …….I went over, and there was nobody home. Last edited: 12-Feb-13 02:37 PM