'I haven't seen you this happy before' My mom sounded sarcastic in her saying as she came to bid me goodbye at the Tribhuwan Airport. Of course, I was happy as I was flying to US for my further studies after several years of efforts. Manhattan was hell of busy city. It took me almost six months to get used to it. Certainly New York was not a good choice to start with. I used whatever I had brought with me within first six months. Credit cards helped me the other semester as well. Four courses each semester, 20 hours on campus and hours off campus almost made me sick of life I was having. Gradually, my credit cards started exhausting out. 60 hours hardship during summer was another worst nightmare ever I can imagine of. There were several nights when I came back from work and was so tired to think of even eating something. I used to crash in my only couch in the room and woke up with a painful backbone. Days ahead started getting even worst. I could hardly keep up with difficult courses, long work hours and shallow financial situation I was battling with. The only thing that made my heart in high spirits was my beautiful Meghna. Her long and healing mails, her sweet voice in the phone and her compassionate nature towards me kept me alive.

Time flew by. It was the third year of my stay in US or third year of my days of struggle. I got letter from the school that I cannot be enrolled for next semester without paying out my tuition fees. Taking long deep breathe was even not helping that day. I was walking restlessly near Kent Hall where I met my fellow Nepali colleague from work, Pawan (Paul), who was bit better in position. There was hardly anything he could do for me but I was grateful that at least he listened to me. It was something difficult to find someone who listens to you in a fast moving city. I couldn't drop off from the college either even not being able to figure out the 'what next' solution for my next semester.

Donna was my lab group white mate. I was the only international in our group and how most whites give shit to Asians, I was one of the victim. But not Donna. She used to ask how I was doing? Did I call my mom and stuffs like that always. Physically, she didn't look gorgeous or 'hot' in more appropriate term. She was bulky for her age, not much tall and had all kinds of dots on her skin. Her fellow whites didn't give her good company (just for her appearance?). It wouldn't bother me as long as she was nice to me. As John Constable quoted beautifully, 'There is nothing ugly; I never saw an ugly thing in my life: for let the form of an object be what it may, -- light, shade, and perspective will always make it beautiful.'

As I was approaching the end of my third years, I almost gave up thinking what I am to do next. Pawan came up with an idea. It is still legal to drop one semester. Really? I could work that semester and then continue with my next semester. I used this option also. In spite of all the difficult work hours, I found out that I had enough money to pay my due tuition fees and enroll for the next semester. Cool. Two weeks remained for me to start with my fourth year first semester. Life was not that easy. I got message from my sister in Nepal on my answering machine. It said ' Milcha bhane Nepal Aija, daddy sarhai birami hunuhuncha'. Being troubled, I went home though I knew I might have problems traveling in my situation, and that I was using the money I had collected for my due tuitions. I lost my father. Coming back, I was back to ground zero, in addition lost my apartment and whatever I owned. Donna came to my rescue. She asked me to be with her in her apartment. I had no choice. That was the most I could think of from a white girl. This was not my end of hardships. I still couldn't find out any solutions to get back to school. Against my efforts, I found out that I was already an illegal dwelling in US without being able to appear in school for two consecutive semesters. It hurt to think I can?t even leave US to meet my mom and Meghna. For once, I thought, do hell with US. I will go back and try my luck with my mom and my beautiful Meghna, who is waiting for me daringly. My instinct didn't allow me to do so.

I was chilling out with Pawan at his apartment. ' Tero yeuta last option baki cha'. That would be? I questioned. What you think about Donna? Think what? She can be your Green Card candidate. I felt that was very provoking and offensive. I justified him for us just being friend though living under the same roof. Donna was nice with me. She asked me out one fine day. Not being able to give my decisions right then, I came to my room. My mind was constantly thinking about Meghna. I had no choice but to go for what Pawan thinks is right for me. Me and Donna got married. She and her family seemed happy. The same day I found Meghna writing me three full pages mail where she mentioned she will be waiting for me no matter how long. I didn't tell her about Donna, I was scared loosing her. I certainly was a looser. I did all the paper works to get me a green card. I was excited of getting back to school. Guys around me (Nepalese, Indians ) made fun of me for getting married with a flabby white girl. 'teri amma lagti hye' was the comment an Indian passing to me . Almost punched him. Time changed and so did Donna. She started showing her white attitude towards me. Was that because I was nice to her and didn?t treat her like others did because of her physical appearance? I could swallow it to think my better days tomorrow. Things started getting worst with her. Still I was quiet. She had every right to do so as I was surviving because of her favors to me. It was Monday evening when I was checking my mails. Wow, it was Meghna's mail, short one. It read 'Congratulations for getting married with white girl. She must be beautiful. I am flying to UK tomorrow.' For the first time, my eyes were wet. I didn't shed tears even to know about my father's death. I lost the last good thing happening in my life. The same day I got mail from INS to appear for the green card interview.

I separated with Donna after having my green card. I know I was selfish but I couldn't handle her anymore. Meghna got married too was what I heard. As I was looking intently at the green card I just received, Pawan howled, you lucky dog. I told him 'Does it worth the losses I had in my life?'

In Jest.