You are thinking about your ex who left you for somebody else and want to get back to you again. You must be one weak emotional piece of shit. You talk about being forced to get married. You are a grown ass man and you are looking for excuses right now. You are a selfish dude. I would never associate with a prick like you even if you were my own blood, i would disown you in a second.
How can a human being go to sleep with these malicious thinking. You are right that you cant sleep, but not for the reasons you have stated, instead you should be losing sleep for ruining that poor girl that you married.