Posted by: Kiddo September 9, 2016
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You are chasing a mirage and ruining everybody’s life in the process.
We have limited information about you, your wife and your ex, so take our input with grain of salt. It appears you still have feelings for your ex and this is why you can’t let your wife occupy the position in your heart that she deserves as a wife. Let’s give your ex a benefit of doubt and say she is not doing this deliberately to ruin your life; let’s say she genuinely had a change of heart and thus contacted you. However, this kind of behavior is a huge red flag. Anybody can have a change of heart, but not the way your ex had –that’s almost psychopathic behavior. She ignored you for the longest time and right before your wedding she asked you to cancel it. She might be suffering from “I want what I am missing” symptom. When she realized she can’t have you, your value in her eyes went up and she chased you. When you decided to meet her, your value went down (there probably was other logistic reasons too, but she would have met you regardless if she really wanted to). What does that tell you? Even if you get her, she will be your for only a short while and she will get tired of you and you will be dumped.
Is it possible that she will take you back for good? Anything is possible, but it’s all speculation at this point. Her behavior points towards red flags that you should avoid and go after the only certainty in your life that is your wife. Try rejecting any chances that you can go back to your ex and give yourself and your wife a chance-perhaps a new beginning. Even when somebody gets married under pressure, the marriage still can work. Marriage is not about perfect union of two set pieces, it is about keeping two things together. There will be compromises, there will be dissatisfaction; the idea is that you get more out of it than you lose.
I say don’t take any drastic action. First and foremost try to find a decent job and focus yourself towards your career. Meanwhile start treating your wife well, give her the respect she deserves as a wife – love might follow later. In your free time, meditate and hunt for jobs.
Good luck. You have a chance to set everything right, do it.
We have limited information about you, your wife and your ex, so take our input with grain of salt. It appears you still have feelings for your ex and this is why you can’t let your wife occupy the position in your heart that she deserves as a wife. Let’s give your ex a benefit of doubt and say she is not doing this deliberately to ruin your life; let’s say she genuinely had a change of heart and thus contacted you. However, this kind of behavior is a huge red flag. Anybody can have a change of heart, but not the way your ex had –that’s almost psychopathic behavior. She ignored you for the longest time and right before your wedding she asked you to cancel it. She might be suffering from “I want what I am missing” symptom. When she realized she can’t have you, your value in her eyes went up and she chased you. When you decided to meet her, your value went down (there probably was other logistic reasons too, but she would have met you regardless if she really wanted to). What does that tell you? Even if you get her, she will be your for only a short while and she will get tired of you and you will be dumped.
Is it possible that she will take you back for good? Anything is possible, but it’s all speculation at this point. Her behavior points towards red flags that you should avoid and go after the only certainty in your life that is your wife. Try rejecting any chances that you can go back to your ex and give yourself and your wife a chance-perhaps a new beginning. Even when somebody gets married under pressure, the marriage still can work. Marriage is not about perfect union of two set pieces, it is about keeping two things together. There will be compromises, there will be dissatisfaction; the idea is that you get more out of it than you lose.
I say don’t take any drastic action. First and foremost try to find a decent job and focus yourself towards your career. Meanwhile start treating your wife well, give her the respect she deserves as a wife – love might follow later. In your free time, meditate and hunt for jobs.
Good luck. You have a chance to set everything right, do it.