Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------~* The end is near! A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says ?Bridge Out' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------~* Out in the middle of darkest Africa there was a White Missionary living with a tribe of black natives. One day the big chief comes along and calls the Missionary into his hut, where he was sharpening his big axe. He explains to the white man that his daughter has just given birth to a white baby, and that since the missionary's the only white man for thousands of miles, the missionary will be the "main course" at dinner that night. "Now just hang on a minute, give me a chance to explain, chief," says the Missionary. "You're jumping to conclusions here. Let me tell you a story. See all those white sheep out in the field and how there's one black one amongst them." The Chief thinks for a moment. "OK!" says the Chief, "You say nothing, I say nothing."