Posted by: nature_freak July 30, 2015
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As the title says, I have decided to share my best comments from reddit.
These are all real stories (At least that's what they said)
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I was turning 40, and decided I wanted a really thorough physical exam. The nurses were hooking me up for my first EKG ever, attaching the electrodes to my feet, hands and chest. One nurse was doing her first EKG, receiving close instruction from the older nurse.
I had no intention of doing anything until the new nurse asked the experienced one "All I do is push this switch?" Yes, the older nurse answered. "Click."
It was the perfect setup.
I went into spasms, kicking my legs, thrashing my arms, bucking on the examination table, shouting "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" -- as though I was being electrocuted. The new nurse screamed! The old nurse slapped my face and said "Stop that!"
I couldn't stop laughing through the rest of the exam. When the older nurse took my blood, she said "I'm going to make this hurt." I just giggled.
I've told that story many times, still laughing about it 20 years later, with the moral "When God hands you an opportunity like that, take it."
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I'm a teacher. A colleague of mine is a former army ranger. I walked by his classroom and saw one of his students standing in the hallway, staring at the lockers and repeatedly turning his wrist as if he was starting a car.
I asked him what he was doing and he mumbled, "Mr. Fakename told me to come out here and practice flipping burgers because that's all I'll ever amount to if I keep acting the way I do."
This teacher was making a kid stand in the hall and mime flipping burgers. I thought that was a bit harsh, but didn't intervene. On my way back down the hallway about ten minutes later, the same student was making a slightly different motion.
"What's happening now?" I asked.
"Mr. Fakename says I have to clean off the grill before I can come back in."
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My grandfather told me a story from his days in the military about a guy who dropped a cigarette butt on the ground. I guess in those days, before filters, they were supposed to rip up the remaining paper and sort of spread it like little crumbs or something. A higher ranked officer saw this guy drop it and made him dig a proper grave for it six feet deep. Then when he had buried it the officer asked if he remembered to put it out and his dumb ass said, "No". So he had to dig it back up make sure it was out and then bury it again.
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In Afghanistan there was a certain stall that I would draw dicks in. I'm talking about Michelangelo/super bad style dicks. I drew ninja dicks, jet fighter dicks (cock fighters), cockzilla destroying a city, etc. Word got around that I was the one doing it and most people thought they were hilarious....everyone except my super old school platoon sergeant. We were outside smoking one day and he asked me if I was the one drawing the dicks. I could have easily lied to him but I had an immense amount of respect for this man so I told him the truth. He didn't come across mad, didn't even bat an eye. He walked into his part of the b hut (shitty little wooden building we lived in) and came out with a brand new green book. Now a green book has roughly 150 pages. He told me he wanted 10 completely unique dicks on each side, within a week. It didn't sound very hard to begin with but holy shit was I wrong. Every free moment I had I was drawing dicks or asking buddies for more ideas for new dicks. My imagination was tapped, my spirit crushed, and my hands cramped something fierce. On the 6th night he called me into his room and we went over the book. I was about 80 pages short. He thought it was hilarious and knew I would never be able to finish it but wanted to teach me to not fuck with things that aren't mine. My commander ended up keeping the book because he thought it was so funny.
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Source : https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/3evw55/til_that_a_giant_welcome_to_cleveland_sign_on_a/
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/29u21l/ever_fuck_up_so_bad_you_had_to_mop_up_rain/
These are all real stories (At least that's what they said)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was turning 40, and decided I wanted a really thorough physical exam. The nurses were hooking me up for my first EKG ever, attaching the electrodes to my feet, hands and chest. One nurse was doing her first EKG, receiving close instruction from the older nurse.
I had no intention of doing anything until the new nurse asked the experienced one "All I do is push this switch?" Yes, the older nurse answered. "Click."
It was the perfect setup.
I went into spasms, kicking my legs, thrashing my arms, bucking on the examination table, shouting "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" -- as though I was being electrocuted. The new nurse screamed! The old nurse slapped my face and said "Stop that!"
I couldn't stop laughing through the rest of the exam. When the older nurse took my blood, she said "I'm going to make this hurt." I just giggled.
I've told that story many times, still laughing about it 20 years later, with the moral "When God hands you an opportunity like that, take it."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm a teacher. A colleague of mine is a former army ranger. I walked by his classroom and saw one of his students standing in the hallway, staring at the lockers and repeatedly turning his wrist as if he was starting a car.
I asked him what he was doing and he mumbled, "Mr. Fakename told me to come out here and practice flipping burgers because that's all I'll ever amount to if I keep acting the way I do."
This teacher was making a kid stand in the hall and mime flipping burgers. I thought that was a bit harsh, but didn't intervene. On my way back down the hallway about ten minutes later, the same student was making a slightly different motion.
"What's happening now?" I asked.
"Mr. Fakename says I have to clean off the grill before I can come back in."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My grandfather told me a story from his days in the military about a guy who dropped a cigarette butt on the ground. I guess in those days, before filters, they were supposed to rip up the remaining paper and sort of spread it like little crumbs or something. A higher ranked officer saw this guy drop it and made him dig a proper grave for it six feet deep. Then when he had buried it the officer asked if he remembered to put it out and his dumb ass said, "No". So he had to dig it back up make sure it was out and then bury it again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Afghanistan there was a certain stall that I would draw dicks in. I'm talking about Michelangelo/super bad style dicks. I drew ninja dicks, jet fighter dicks (cock fighters), cockzilla destroying a city, etc. Word got around that I was the one doing it and most people thought they were hilarious....everyone except my super old school platoon sergeant. We were outside smoking one day and he asked me if I was the one drawing the dicks. I could have easily lied to him but I had an immense amount of respect for this man so I told him the truth. He didn't come across mad, didn't even bat an eye. He walked into his part of the b hut (shitty little wooden building we lived in) and came out with a brand new green book. Now a green book has roughly 150 pages. He told me he wanted 10 completely unique dicks on each side, within a week. It didn't sound very hard to begin with but holy shit was I wrong. Every free moment I had I was drawing dicks or asking buddies for more ideas for new dicks. My imagination was tapped, my spirit crushed, and my hands cramped something fierce. On the 6th night he called me into his room and we went over the book. I was about 80 pages short. He thought it was hilarious and knew I would never be able to finish it but wanted to teach me to not fuck with things that aren't mine. My commander ended up keeping the book because he thought it was so funny.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Source : https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/3evw55/til_that_a_giant_welcome_to_cleveland_sign_on_a/
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/29u21l/ever_fuck_up_so_bad_you_had_to_mop_up_rain/
Last edited: 30-Jul-15 03:27 PM