Posted by: spritual March 5, 2013
Can anyone explain my mental problems?
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These affect me every day of my life and they ruin my life. I have depression and anxiety see a therapist and all but I need better explaining, so I'm going to try to get it from the internet. My mind is just not at ease. One problem I have is that I make mental lists in my head. I always make a list in my head of what I have to do the rest of the day or what I have to say to someone. I just make lists for everything. And then if I forget something, it drives me crazy. I would spend hours, or usually the rest of the day trying to remember stuff. It would make me lose focus on the stuff I was doing. Sometimes I would write stuff down, but I really don’t have many opportunities to do so and usually just don’t feel like writing it down. And I don’t feel like writing it down because I mostly feel like I can remember it. I know time and time again that I probably won’t remember something, but I still neglect to write it down. Ah, there is just so much going through my mind right now. Right now, I’m trying to remember the things I was going to say here and some other examples of these occurrences. I am currently making lists in my head of what to say. Right now, I have a list of 4 specific things I want to say, but have yet to get to them. And it's not just stuff from lists, but just trying to remember anything. I can't let things go. I dwell on things. Another just bad feeling I have is when it feels like there was something else. Something else I was going to do or say. I just get this feeling that there was something else. It would just come suddenly, and I would think about it until I felt sure. I just have to feel sure, certain. Certainty. Another problem that I have. Or it’s basically the same problem as my other problems. Well, they all connect. I always have this feeling of uncertainty. If stop myself from trying to remember something, I still have this feeling of uncertainty. Another problem I have is that I think too much into things. I try to figure stuff out. Right now, I am trying to figure out how my different problems are related and how I should explain them. There is so much going through my head that it is what probably makes me forget stuff, because I just forgot something else that I was trying to figure out and was going to put here. With so much going through my mind, I start thinking of other stuff like a song that’s in my head. Sometimes I would just suddenly forget something, though, too. Well, another example of how I think too much into things is when someone does something I think is weird, I wonder about it and try to put myself in that place. I’ll just keep thinking about it until I feel sure about it, but it is hard because there are other things going through my head. And then there’s the other problem I have with curiosity. All the things that come up throughout the day, I just get curious about, especially the really surprising ones. There’s just this feeling that I have that I need to know stuff. And then I just get this anxiety. Even when I don’t wonder about stuff, I still get this anxiety when something happens as if I was wondering about it. I always have this feeling of being confused even when there’s nothing confusing me. I also have this problem I call my ‘what if’ problem. I sometimes wonder about how something could have happened differently. Even if I play out in my mind how else it could’ve gone out, I still wonder and get anxiety. And then I wonder what are different ways something could happen that hasn’t happened yet. So I always get anxiety when faced with just a simple decision. So I always have a hard time deciding on something. I even try to decide on how I should feel about something or someone. I wonder if I should like someone or despise them. I try to figure out how I should feel. And I’m still currently thinking about and trying to remember different things I should mention here. Another problem I have is regret. I can regret over the stupidest things and it would just bother me. All these problems I have are on my mind all day. I am bothered all day and never have a peace of mind. One thing that is good about forgetting stuff is that when I remember it, I feel really good. I just feel so relieved. But this really shouldn’t happen. Another good example of thinking too much into things is and making lists is when I’m watching a movie. It really prevents me from actually enjoying the movie. I’ll think about how things could’ve gone differently in a movie. Or I’ll just be trying to figure a bunch of other stuff in the movie. And I’ll make mental lists of them. And if I’m watching a movie by myself, it could take me a good hour or so extra to watch it be rewinding it and pausing it either to stop and think about something that just went on and figure it out or play back what I missed while I was thinking about stuff, or I’ll just rewind it to take a closer look at it.
 
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