Being on the same boat as you are, I can fully understand what one has to go through once you get hooked to it. I have been drinking for past 20 yrs, started really early and by the time I was in grade ten I used to finish a bottle of RUSLAN Vodka in one gulp. It continued after coming here and my friend used to be impressed by my tolerance to  alcohol consuption. I always enjoyed drinking and it was great source of fun for me. Gone are the days of being able to have just more fun with more drinks. I start to make myself a complete ass after few drinks. I have to finish what ever is leftover and still craves for more. I go in a complete black out stage and can't remember a thing next morning. I get the worst hangover and can't get up from the bed all day. I take this hangover as a boon than curse because its saving me from drinking everyday. I would have lost my job long time ago if I wasn't scared of this hangover. Despite all this embarrassement , regret and difficulties my mind still thinks I can't have fun without drinking. This is the reason why I get back to drinking everytime I try to remain sober. Tried everything possible to remain sober and can do it easily for a month or two. I need to be able to make my mind understand that one can have fun or relax without drinking. येति गर्न सके चै केहि होला हैन भने  चै यो बोत्तले ले तेसै छाड्ला जस्तो छैन !