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A few questions for you if you are comfortable in answering them (these might be helpful to others):
1) Were you ever a US PR or citizen – or had a working visa?
2) It looks like you were mainly motivated to move due to culture shock (and a desire for self-belonging, i.e. family) - true?
3) What are your views of a multicultural society?
4) What was your role within IT or Finance – back office work can be mundane at times.
5) A decision to settle down, in my opinion, is somewhat an end to the ultimate pursuit of happiness (as you have accepted the place for what it is) – and given the following tools as a literal way to gauze the success of that pursuit: the rights to life, liberty and property – to what extent do you think these are prevalent in Nepali society today (i.e. equally applied to all citizens) in relation to other free market economy countries?
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There are a few generalizations which are worth noting (and that other readers might want to be wary of) in terms of the difficulties Vivant have had in adjusting to the work culture as well as noticeable uneasiness when he was out and about.
I think most of us probably have gotten the hang of it to have found the courage to fit in (both work and social wise) - and have done it rather well. But I think it is important to address these two issues if you happen to be one of those having difficulties and have decided to pursue your lifelong dreams outside of Nepal. I can only speak for countries like US, Canada, Australia (and London, UK and a few areas of EU) - as these places are overwhelmingly inbred as a civic society (i.e. melting pot) and not linked to or defined by any one particular ethnicity or race.
Work
If you are lucky (yes, the economy is shaky these days) enough to be on the work force - there are plenty of ways to be content with the work culture and office politics. You mostly learn these during the first couple of months on the job. It is essential that you prepare yourself beforehand to understand the firm's culture whether it is corporate, small biz or non-profit - there are lots of variations among these work environments. Over the years I have found that celebrating multiculturalism has been a very positive aspect in how we view colleagues from other countries. There will be personal biases, of course - but in a professional work environment it is the work / project that you do which unifies different cultural backgrounds to come together – so cross-cultural clashes are considered quite trivial. The friends you make and the conversations you carry with your colleagues are essentially limited by your own ability and skill - there will always be someone you will not typically like or someone who you really admire - and most importantly, there is no such thing as being an American (or Canadian / Australian / English) while you work. If American means being patriotic then you are more likely to get criticism from colleagues - the higher the job in the white collar work scale the more so this is bound to be true. If American means talking about your favorite sports team then you can either join in or move on - no big deal. Surely, you are bound to find a colleague with similar interests in the long run. Naturally, if you behave professionally and do your job well - you will get a lot of admirers and possible promotions. Also, ensure to use a lot of assertions at your work place – they do wonders.
Being out and about
In the general scheme of things, this is very much tied to how you behave really. If you are open and easy going with an accepting attitude then there is no reason why anyone should give you a hard time. Unruly people exist everywhere - not just at Chipotle or Wal-Mart – but majority of people are forthcoming to let you fit in (if they see you are really trying). Do not let a few incidents discourage you from going out and discovering places you really like to visit. There is no need to mention this – but the countries I stated earlier are phenomenally (and unbelievably) littered with so many ways you can enjoy life (and with support groups if you need them) while you adjust to the new country.
Some thoughts
Being a first generation immigrant is, no doubt, difficult. But it does get easier as you learn and work the eco system (legally) around you. An important advice is to sort out your residency issues early on (if you haven't already done so) - and the rest will fall in place in time.
I do think that Vivant's move is positive for Nepal too. As more experienced people like him move back the more influence (we hope) they will have on the Nepali economy, government and the secular prosperity in improving its current condition – thus, raising the standard of living for an average Nepali family. Let’s also hope that these returnees treat all of the working class people, whether they are waiters or what not, with dignity – as the saying goes ‘treat them the way you want to be treated’ – and of course, with so many years spent overseas this should be even more poignant with compassion and generosity in their part.
Moving onto a bit of a macro view – I believe that our unwitting vision and foresight to see our politician’s general lack of temperament, perseverance, integrity, intelligence and meritocracy (and I really do mean all of them) has put Nepal where it is today – no doubt. And as we all know the wider the income gap the more trouble a country is likely to face in the future – not that I am aware if anyone has done any research – but I tend to think Nepal’s and US’s income gap between the poorest and the richest income outliers (in each country) are likely to be close enough – albeit the extent of the income size in the US, of course, is astonishingly lot higher. So, in the long run a big fish in a small pond is a big fish no longer. Self-sustaining prosperity is difficult to support if your neighbour isn’t as well off as you are. In contrast however, self-turmoil hardly exists if there is a wide income gap between a rich and a poor country (as history shows).
Needless to say, I see no incremental benefit if overseas Nepalis were to move in herds back to Nepal - as there is - obviously - still a lot to be accomplished and learned from the knowledge base of countries outside of Nepal (and thus we see more out-migration every day - manual labor or low skill excluded). If you are keen to move however, another important aspect to consider is to ensure your industry of choice in the Nepali market place has not already become too saturated. A few have also opted to invest and become involved in Nepali affairs although they may call another country their official place of residence, i.e. NRN – this has been my (personal) preferred approach.
-JB