I guess it goes both ways.

http://theweek.myrepublica.com/details.php?news_id=40469
ON THAT NOTE

	Hi there, stranger!
	AYUSHMA BASNYAT By nature, I’m not your typical garrulous, chatty sort. I prefer my own crowd of people and more importantly, I prefer to choose this crowd. So it is rather vexing for me when I’m expected to step out of this comfort zone of mine and am looked on with anticipation to play ball. All this is not to say that I don’t like to meet new people and garner new perspectives. In fact, I dare say I am very adaptable and keen on being exposed to the multitude of opinions out there. But making small talk is one thing and diving into a person’s life is another. The latter is something you ought to know how to avoid till you get through the former. After all, there is a conspicuous line between friends and acquaintances. Friendship is something that cannot be forced on; it is not something that happens just by exchanging Facebook addresses. So not long ago, when a complete stranger walked up to me and decided to strike a conversation on the grounds that both of us were from the same country, appalled was the only expression I had on my face. Let me establish here that I am based outside Nepal. And obviously being of a same nationality in a different country comes with the presumption that you are, as a rule of thumb, encouraged to be “best of friends” with others who share your nationality. It does not matter if you are completely different sorts of people, it does not matter if you have more in common with someone from Africa. All that matters is you are a Nepali and hence it qualifies you to be best friends with others of your origin. On a similar note, there I was sitting with my foreign colleagues when a man walked right to me rather jollily. “Tapai pani Nepal bata?” he inquired if I was from Nepal with complete disregard to the entire group of people I had surrounding me. “Ho,” I smiled and was obligated to chitchat. I imagine just because the other people around me weren’t Nepali, he so much as didn’t even glance in their direction or show any signs of courtesy. So I stepped up and introduced this stranger-cum-friend to my real friends. Yes, I admit it’s very exciting to meet someone from Nepal outside Nepal. It’s a wonderful feeling to be able to talk in your mother tongue and share jokes about the power cuts. But it is, in no way, a requirement that I share personal information just because we come from the same country. As our polite conversation progressed to more private terms like what my father did for a living, I felt it was necessary to stop him there and so bade him namaste. He left saying he would add me on Facebook. It’s a whole new story if I accepted his request. Sure this man in question was much older than me and by sharing the same nationality I was bound to be friendly to him and to respect him. But the question is, how does this man whom I’ve known for the past two minutes get to ask me such questions when I might only share that level of closeness to perhaps any other friend that I’ve known for much longer, be they Nepali or otherwise? Just because someone is a Nepali, does it honestly mean I have to give out every bit of my personal information? I think not. While it is admirable that Nepalis around the world get along and prefer to stick in their little cliques, this sort of socializing is not everyone’s cup of tea; especially mine. I love having other Nepalis around- but only so long as we have interests in common. Moreover, if I am in a foreign land, then it remains that I like to get to know other people who are not necessarily Nepali, I like to touch base with the locals and have no problems making friends with them either. But clearly this is something that most people find odd. When I come home on my vacations, I often get asked how many others Nepalis are where I am. I tell them that there aren’t many. They seem unable to digest this and “sympathize” with me saying that they understand how boring it must be for me to be around “strangers”. They take it for granted that I must have no other friends and think that it’s horrible living without other Nepalis around me. It’s not! Of course, it is always nice to have people from the same country, but not having other Nepalis around does not at all mean that I have to live in hell. Also, when I connect with someone, it does not matter if they are from Nepal or China or Australia. All that matters is that we have things in common and are friends regardless of our various nationalities. But for some reason, this escapes most Nepali heads. On numerous occasions, I have met numerous Nepalis in this foreign land and I do enjoy a fair share of establishing contact. But to pour my heart out to them and get talking about personal details is something I truly abominate. I prefer not to give out such information and I very much prefer not to receive such information as well. In any kind of affiliation where the only thing that is in common is our nationalities, I would much rather keep the bulk of our conversation to highly impersonal things and stick to the “stranger code.” Ayushma Basnyat is a student of Political Science at Thammsat University who enjoys exploring life and all that it has to offer.