Posted by: STUPIDA November 1, 2011
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Footyafan Ji, sorry for my late reply, I hardly check sajha from home, so here i am at work. No matter - love or arrange, marriage is a marriage - promising each other to stay together for life long in both - hard and smooth times. Mine was arranged marriage, but then you can say it was short love too. I always wished that I wanted to marry someone that my family brought the proposal, which my brother did.
Believe me marraige is an experiment, now it depends on two individuals to make that experiment successful. If this was not true, then how come two ppl, living together for several years, and getting finally married gets divorecd in few yeras again. they were supposed to know each other fully, and understnd each other completely. But this doesn't work. People change. Time change. The person will not be same for many many years. people change, and so does your wife and husband. Just you have to learn to accept those changes. Changes are good in many instances.
I understand, your concerns about arrange marraige. I know its hard and akward talking to somone you are trying to get married. believe me I have been through it. Everytime I rejected or my family I felt sorry and wished that i didn't do it. When I got one, I felt the same. But then its better to give pain for few days than for the rest of the life.
Finally, Marraige are destination. at least for me. I believe they are made and they are meant to happen with someone that is alreday there, no matter what you do. My wife and I just saw the picture in FB for the first time when I got the proposal, and we only talked once ( for 2 hours). She used to live in another country outside of nepal and I used to live in USA. Then after 4 months she send me a small email ' how are you?' then things really get started. But then , within those 4 months I almost got fixed with another girl, We were close to find the date, but at the last moment things didn't worked out. so here I am married with the girl that my destination was.
BTW, other important things to consider are what is imporatnt in your marraige. for us was togetherness. We both had a good paying job. She used to make as much as I, and that was around $ 5000. But then I was planning to leave USA and go to her and find job there. But then she decided to quit her job and came to US. and She did. This was imporatnt to us not money.
One last imporatnt thing - Don't try to find the best out there and don't look for perfect one. Make ur list, and see what you really want. And finally accept the faults and inperfections. There you will find the peace and happiness. Its the partners who makes the marraige successful, not any things else.
and sorry for this long reply, usually don't write that much in sajha, but i enjoyed this one.
Believe me marraige is an experiment, now it depends on two individuals to make that experiment successful. If this was not true, then how come two ppl, living together for several years, and getting finally married gets divorecd in few yeras again. they were supposed to know each other fully, and understnd each other completely. But this doesn't work. People change. Time change. The person will not be same for many many years. people change, and so does your wife and husband. Just you have to learn to accept those changes. Changes are good in many instances.
I understand, your concerns about arrange marraige. I know its hard and akward talking to somone you are trying to get married. believe me I have been through it. Everytime I rejected or my family I felt sorry and wished that i didn't do it. When I got one, I felt the same. But then its better to give pain for few days than for the rest of the life.
Finally, Marraige are destination. at least for me. I believe they are made and they are meant to happen with someone that is alreday there, no matter what you do. My wife and I just saw the picture in FB for the first time when I got the proposal, and we only talked once ( for 2 hours). She used to live in another country outside of nepal and I used to live in USA. Then after 4 months she send me a small email ' how are you?' then things really get started. But then , within those 4 months I almost got fixed with another girl, We were close to find the date, but at the last moment things didn't worked out. so here I am married with the girl that my destination was.
BTW, other important things to consider are what is imporatnt in your marraige. for us was togetherness. We both had a good paying job. She used to make as much as I, and that was around $ 5000. But then I was planning to leave USA and go to her and find job there. But then she decided to quit her job and came to US. and She did. This was imporatnt to us not money.
One last imporatnt thing - Don't try to find the best out there and don't look for perfect one. Make ur list, and see what you really want. And finally accept the faults and inperfections. There you will find the peace and happiness. Its the partners who makes the marraige successful, not any things else.
and sorry for this long reply, usually don't write that much in sajha, but i enjoyed this one.