Nas ji,
First of all except for ramming my guitar non-stop for hours (until somebody yells at me or gives me a scorn) and listening to music a lot, I am no music expert and completely lack any theoretical knowledge. But since you did ask for comments, I would like to give you some of my opinions if you may.

  The song starts with a beautiful and hauntingly melancholic synth sound which creates a perfect space for you to jump in with your rap. I think it also creates a tension of some sort and your voice blends in easily. I absolutely loved your chorus (do you listen to Emancipator?). Who is that girl? She’s got a pretty voice so make sure you convey my appreciation to her. The beat was cliché-ish (after listening to some aweful Nephop acts a couple of times last year), and after a while I got disappointed when it continued the same pattern throughout the song. Although it does have that pretty bassy sound, it starts to get monotonous and repetitive but that could just be me and my obsession to sounds of artists like De La Soul/Gorillaz/MF Doom/Mos Def (I could go on forever with the list) as they contain “some element of surprise” (could be a Jazz element, or strings, or even a turntable thingy). The lyric was great and depressing, and it perfectly fits the atmosphere you wanted to generate. Lyrically it also portrays the partial reality of Nepal (it would have been more relevant during the Royal hegemony days of civil war).  As the song proceeds, your lyrics starts to gets repetitive (not in terms of words but more like in terms of theme even for a 4 minute song). The video was compiled beautifully but I am sure you would definitely give a second thought if you were to release this as a single on a national television. Overall it could easily be one of your 7th/8th song (assuming that the album contains 10 songs) should you decide to make an album.

Overall I would give you a 3 /5 although I certainly appreciate your creativity and hard work, and I know how difficult it is to please people, especially like a cynic like me.