As I read your thread there was a sudden urge to respond and my ego has been dancing all over my mind. A student of counseling I have enjoyed Existential Therapy and I hope what I am writing here shall make sense to whoever is reading in which ever realms of time. To be is to exist and to simplify existence means dwelling on to exist. Existentialism is a philosophical approach.  Existentialist shares the present moment of a being on here-and-now of life, and finding the meaning in existing.  Somehow I always got caught-up if finding the meaning of life!!! I am learning life has no meaning yet life gives opportunities to make meaning.

Existential crisis pours with the loss of indentifying meaning of life and escaping from the present moment thus finding gratifications in past attachments/ detachments or future events. The ego is an essential figure in the existential crisis as it binds attachment and detachments with life events.

When I read between your words it appears that you are being aware of the ego (which often is misunderstood as self). For further suggestion you might want to do some reading and research on the existence of ego and relationship with self. If it helps I recommend reading some good book such as ‘the power of now’, ‘a new earth’ or website such as www.adyashanti.org, www.raptitude.com. If you happen to have spiritual lens (I am not talking about religion) reading Bhagvad Gita helps to transcend the existence. Another aspect is to explore further more on mindfulness. Zen philosophy is helpful in being mindful. Cognitive behavior approached when implied in existential therapy can be enlightening. The key ingredient is trust.

Folks!!! Sorry if whatever I wrote flies over your head. If interested, I am willing to further explain.