Shantipriya,

"Nomatter  we say newari or nepal bhasa, the essence of language will be the same no? Why do we need to feel low about it. " Newar" is not a derogratory word so if someone say it is Newari what is the problem?"
This was exact my question some 15-20 years ago. Now I do not ask that question. "Newar" is correct, but "Newar + I" is incorrect, except in Khas language. If you are speaking Khas, then "Newar + i" is also correct. For example, "नेवारीमा भन |" - this is correct, but "नेवारी  भासं धा |" or "Tell me in Newari" - these are incorrect.


"why do we always want to target " khas community" when it comes to issue related our culture and language?"
First, I did not talk anything on culture and language here, I  just forwarded a news-piece on wrongly over-used word. Next, "Newar" language became "Newar+I" only after "Khas" language conspired snatching the word "Nepali" replacing "Gorkhali" in the palace of Ranas. If "Nepalbhas" was mentioned in samajik sikshya book in school, we would not even have heard about this fuss now. "Nepali" does not exist in our history. So, the "Khas-ruling community" comes in the picture whenever  Newars and/or any other non-khas community crie out of their woes.


"We need to be more open and culturally receptive and tolorant.  We should discourage anything that would trigger ethinic tension amongst the communities."
Newars and other non-khas are open and receptive more than necessary. If talking about a wrongly used word should trigger ethnic tension, then, Nepal would have triggered bloodshed while so many languages were banned from official use for centuries, so many traditional-systems dismantled, so many cultural assets exploited. 



"Honestly, we got more than we deserve- we are just 5% of total population yet we haver our language recognized, our sambhat recognized, we are in better economic condition that rest of the nepali,"
If so, then Newars are far ahead. They don't need to worry about - झिपी गअब्ले नाहप लाई ?

"we like to have everything in KTM, our nature is almost like " to hell with rest of nepal"- let us confess and let us rise above this caste/ethnic mentality. "
No, actually this is untrue. All KTM-centric development was done by maananiya and taananiya, who basically came to KTM from remote area, and never returned back. The core-settlement of KTM did rarely get a significant change or development budget. These areas are almost unchanged for last 300 years. All developments in KTM is in outskirts of old-settlement where KTM people do not live. Due to generosity of those maananiya and taananiya, KTM people got advantage to enjoy development and some economic benefit. I have never heard the local KTM people complaing the rulers to pour development budget in their region.


"above all we call " marsya" " pakhe" " khen" " barmu" all those derogatory terms to others also within our community we call "nya-to  shahi" " chipa-to ranjit" " bhagra-ti karanjit" " jyapu-to maharjan", nau-to nakarmi-blacksmith" " jogi-to tailor community" "podhe" and "kau" all our Newari derogatory words we still use. I think we need to look ourself first and refine our thought and ideology first. "
I think you need to update yourself with latest social change in Nepal. You were right when "Jyapu" used to get angry when you call him "Jyapu". Nowadays, "Jyapu" is proud to identify him as a "Jyapu". "Nay, Chhipa, Bhagra, Jyapu, Nau, Jogi, Tamwo, Bare, Po, Kau, Syasya, Barmu, Guruju" etc. are not considered derrogatory but they are "thet words" of linquistic importance.

"honestlyI felt  we are the " most sampradaik" than rest of the castes. my honest confession! call me newar traitor my middle figer to you. "
Keep your middle figer to yourself. You felt you are the "most sampradik". I too felt KTM-newars, who have not seen the world outside KTM-khaldo lacks proper judgement in many sense when I first came to KTM. But then, after knowing it more closely, I just felt "bicharaa". They don't have basic information about themselves, they do not know the value of their language and history, they have lost crucial information about their true identity then how can they make proper judgement. 

Nevertheless, trying to correct a wrong use of word is not साम्प्रदायिक.  nor divisive. The word साम्प्रदायिक sounds like the word of panchayat era to me.  If you think this is divisive, you have the problem within you.