Homeyji,

In this story, you are a narrator and Roshan a protagonist; therefore it is you who is writing the story, not Roshan. Even if it were Roshan, I would have strongly encouraged sticking to conventional write-up except when exchanging a dialogue. A narrator, in both cases, ensures that the words are carefully chosen and sentences well structured.

I understand to some extent that you were trying to depict the crass amateurism of Roshan by the way he speaks, but this could be written in conjunction of a justification. For example:

 “ OOii Sudha, where is my cigarette, I haven’t ‘drank’ a single one today” Roshan yelled from the window in his usual pastoral dialect, calling the act of smoking a ‘drinking’, as most people in rural Nepal do.

The sentence inside quotes is a dialogue and the one outside a justification. Were you asking for something else? My apologies if I misconstrued.