Posted by: commando July 5, 2010
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Ktwon bro,
Relax.
First think of what you want in life. No one can make you feel bad, unless you let them. Be proud of the fact that you are an immigrant. This country would have been nowhere close to where it is if it wasn't for immigrants. And, then there are people who know this. But America is also full of closed-minded racists who know nothing better than to find someone who in their view is inferior to them and take out their frustrations at them. This should not in any way let you down.
I do not know what situation you are in. But I have had to deal with a few isssues myself. Like not really knowing what I want in life, doing nothing for weeks and later regretting that I am losing my track. As of now, I have loans to pay, I am working on-campus that merely enables me to pay my rent and other living expenses. But that does not prevent me from doing my things. Every night after work I have started to learn programming, and a bit of maths. I have not really been good at it but I am trying.
Life is hard. And, it's this hardness in life that makes life worth living. We hear of stories that people put up here - of their struggles and how they overcame those struggles and achieved something valuable.
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy shit…what a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson
Please try to take a moment to think of where you would want to be in a few years. Remain focused. Do not let anything distract you. I know it's easier said than done, but give it a try because it's really worth it. Do not look at other's and be jealous of what they have achieved. This is your life. You need to make the most out of it. And, the most of your experiences. If you go through all the pain, the things you will achieve will be so worth it.
Listen to some Tibetan incantations. Mantra of Avalokiteshavara, or Manjushri mantra. Close your eyes. I saw in one of the other threads that you said you were addicted to porn and sex. Don't take that as a sin. It's very natural - we're all horny and those who claim not to be are either lying or have some problems. But set some time for it. Set some measures for rewards after doing something and don't just enjoy before getting something done. You need to use the Hyde side in you for your personal benefit and not just to enjoy trivial things.
I know it's easy to be preachy. It's hard to be in your shoes. But you're there and you have to deal with it. You get nowhere by thinking of the things that you have been. Start acting. POSITIVELY. Set your aims. Focus. Watch the Geeta episode in Mahabharat. I think it's episode 73.
If you're at a college, try going and talking to a counselor about your issues. Don't say things like you want to kill or blah.. blah.. blah. That is an instinct that you need to take care of otherwise you could get into serious troubles for saying that. Remain calm. Try being happy. Happiness is to a large extent a state of the mind, and if you can't get it, you will be happy with nothing whatsoever.
Try thinking of your life. Think of all the beautiful women you might want to marry. Think of your future sons. Try working hard for them if not for you. It is never too late to do anything. Just don't stay back and get sucked up in this vicious cycle of posting depressing messages on Sajha. It might feel good to share your problems and have people say something about it - maybe you could take things some people say here and apply it to your life, but you need to start doing that. NOW>
I hope for all the best for you. I end this wiht this quote..
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”