How To Translate Womenspeak

When She Says                    She Really Means

No...................................... Yes.
Of course I'm not upset................. Of course I'm upset, you moron!
I might as well tell you 
Bob and I are seeing each other......... Bob and I are having sex.
I feel I've known you my whole life..... I'm drunk.
Will you respect me in the morning?..... You won't tell your friends, will  you?
I never do this on my first date........ I always do this on my first date.
Don't touch me there.................... Touch me there, but I'm going to  stop you the first few times.
                                         
You're...so manly....................... You need to shave and you sweat a  lot.
Hello? Oh yes. Didn't we meet at the
                   bar Friday night?.... I've been waiting by the phone for  three days
Let's not talk "commitment". Let's 
             just see what happens...... I'm not taking any birth control  pills.
You're certainly lovely tonight......... Is sex all you ever think about?
I can't believe you're here.It must 
                           be fate...... I've been following you all day.
I'm particular who I have sex with...... I draw the line at barnyard animals.
I'm not emotional and 
             I'm not over-reacting...... I'm having my period.
I hope you're not disappointed.......... I'm flat chested.
Just come upstairs for a drink.......... Maybe if I get you drunk you'll have  sex with me.
I love a man who takes charge........... You're picking up the bill, aren't  you?
Be romantic...turn out the lights....... I have flabby thighs.